Overreacting to feel unsafe?

[TryingToLearn]

NC and can't talk to friends about this.

Bf has a terrible relationship with ex, who took their child to a different country. Bf spoke with ex's fiancé last night after being denied speaking to the child (as per a court order)...bf threatened fiancé. He told him he's going to cut him with a rusty knife, that they should meet early and called him all the names under the sun.
Bf then told me he's going to cut in places people can see, that he'll be unrecognisable and said some other things in relation to what would happen to this guy.

Bf told me he had some violent history, but I wasn't sure whether it was true, he's never hit me.

Am I overreacting feeling apprehensive about this? I know it is wrong to threaten someone, although bf is incredibly angry and in utter despair over situation with ex and their child, however is there ever an excuse to do such things?

Oh my gosh Trying, you’re amazing!! It’s brilliant that you’ve taken this step with him. The key is to keep away from him.

Can I ask - what usually gets you sucked back in?

And just a couple of reminders:

• you don’t need to explain your reasons to him, or anyone
• other people you know in real life will support you and probably also find him scary
• you don’t owe him anything. Not explanations, not support, not time, not a chance to talk it over - nothing.

He’s dangerous and you are rightly backing away from the dangerous thing. Carry on going x

@TryingToLearn I was where you are this time last year. It took many times to try and escape his clutches because he picked me up/put me down, lied/told the truth said he loved me/ignored me until I didn't know which way was up. I spent a LONG time trying to go NC with him (I name changed this year as he scoured the site looking for stuff I'd written) and although it was an awful time in my life m, I cannot tell you HOW GLAD I AM HE's out of my life. You will be too. They're evil, these men. They know what they're doing and they see the damage they're inflicting and they get off on it.

Mine eventually got convicted of harassment by the police/criminal court.

It's hard and it's scary and it make you feel like you can't cope/go on/trust your own sense of reality but keep strong. Maintain NC AND DONT LOOK BACK. You won't regret it, I promise.

I will...also just had a bit of wake up call. I briefly told a long standing friend what had just happened..she said she cba hearing about hi anymore, that's he's bullshit and drama and that I have no reason to engage...and she's right. I feel shit now about that, more so than I do about him. I'm definitely not losing friends over him. I already fell out with one last year because I wouldnt leave.

Oh doctordread he did the same, trawling Mumsnet. I'm so glad you're out and happier and healthier

Good for you OP. I've had similar. Very patient friends who can see plainly what they're doing. When you're in the thick of it you just can't. I'm glad you have support x

I've just driven past him waiting on a slip road whilst driving to drop my son off.

Ignore. If necessary call the police.

He's driven for an hour to wait there for me to follow me

Fucking hell.
Your updates are shocking.

No wonder his ex moved abroad, what a psycho!

Where are you now?

WA have asked the police to put a marker on your house. He has a violent past. He has threatened his ex's fiancé and your fear for your safety. If he follows you, phone the police immediately and tell them this.

Hope you’re ok OP. Call the police if you’re even a tiny bit worried.Don’t feel daft or scared, just do it.

Tell the police abut the sliproad and following.

Well done, you have done brilliantly today. I'm really proud of you.

I was once with a man like this; it never improved, it got much worse in fact.
Please OP, if you feel at all unsafe, call the police.

Hope you’re safe OP, please let us know!

How are things now OP well done

Are you OK OP?

Drive to the nearest police station

I hope you are ok op?
Stay strong, you can do this.

Morning everyone. I'm fine, I went to the cinema and drove around a bit before coming home last night. I let police know about him following me on the bypass. But I don't think he meant that in malice, I genuinely believe he just wanted to talk to me and have an opportunity to explain, which I haven't given him because I'm not answering the phone.
Thank you so much for all your support.

Of course he doesn't just want to talk! He is a violent controller and he is losing his grip on you!

Please please OP take this seriously. HE is not jsut a misunderstood mild-tempered man. He will soon enough be back to co-ercing you, threatening you, gaslighting you, making you think he is outside your house ('listening to you having sex?' WTAF? This is such a Red Flag - you can't prove you weren't, and he can be justifiably angry because you can't.....)

DO NOT MEET HIM 'just to talk'. Go Grey Rock, and do not respond - he wants a dialogue, so that he can beat you down and give you all sorts of reasons to get back under his control.

Ignore. Block. Police if necessary. And wait for the cycle of Nice, Nice, Angry, Wheedling, Nice, Angry, Threats, Tears, Nice, suicide threats, violence....

The anger has started, the 'you never loved me, you're using my lying as an excuse, I don't know why I'd put myself threw this for someone who could dump me like this'

Apparently It's all my fault, he's misunderstood.

Do not excuse him lying in wait and following you OP. A non-abusive person would have accepted that you didn't want to talk to him, not stalk you to force you to do so.

Have you unblocked him now, or met up with him, how is he saying this stuff to you? You have to stay strong, he clearly will try and beat you down till you give in.

Yeah good point. You really don’t have to read it - and there’s a great reason why you shouldn’t: it’s ALL RUBBISH. He’s not sad or feeling betrayed etc, he’s just ANGRY because you’re not doing what he wants. He’s finely calibrating what he’s saying to try and beat you down. It’s horrible to say, but it’s true.

Have you got something fun to do today OP?

He was lying in wait with malice.

You told him you don't want to talk so tried to intimidate you into talking. At the very least, talking.

What else to do you call that?