Overreacting to feel unsafe?

[TryingToLearn]

NC and can't talk to friends about this.

Bf has a terrible relationship with ex, who took their child to a different country. Bf spoke with ex's fiancé last night after being denied speaking to the child (as per a court order)...bf threatened fiancé. He told him he's going to cut him with a rusty knife, that they should meet early and called him all the names under the sun.
Bf then told me he's going to cut in places people can see, that he'll be unrecognisable and said some other things in relation to what would happen to this guy.

Bf told me he had some violent history, but I wasn't sure whether it was true, he's never hit me.

Am I overreacting feeling apprehensive about this? I know it is wrong to threaten someone, although bf is incredibly angry and in utter despair over situation with ex and their child, however is there ever an excuse to do such things?

OP - you are going to get more messages now. It's the equivalent of a child pestering and pestering and pestering and pestering and pestering ..... until you give in. Which is what you've now done.

He'll up the ante now, now that he knows that he only has to pester for x days and you respond. He knows that he only have to pull on the heart strings - I am ill, I can't stop crying, I can't sleep, I'll lose my job, I'm so depressed, I can't go on, I'm going to kill myself....

IT'S THE SCRIPT! THEY ALL DO IT, and soft-hearted women fall for it and get sucked back in. And then it's harder to get out the second time. And you can be sure that when you stop responding to the crying, they WILL get angry. And the threats will start.

If it were me, I'd send one message. Telling him to stop contacting me by any means, and if he oversteps that, then I will be going to the Police. And mean it. And Block.

“he thinks he deserves better, he thinks I lied to him about loving him because if I love him I couldn't treat him this way’

Look...just no. On two levels.

1. He’s trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty, questioning yourself, taking the blame and feeling sorry for him, while also

slyly hoping you’ll declare love for him in protest of his accusation, which he will feed on like a labrador at an all-you-can-eat-eat buffet. Plus, this makes the whole thing about him and how his happiness is solely your responsibility. It’s not and he can fuck off.

1. Even if he does believe you never loved him, why is he then so desperate to continue a relationship with you? I wouldn’t want to be with someone whom I felt did not care for me. Why does he? Why are his standards for himself so low as to accept this? He’s either a complete mess, in which you should avoid getting into it with him, obviously...or far more likely, he knows fine you cared for him and I can only refer you back to 1.

These are 2 really helpful books, you can read them online or download them;

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
tinyurl.com/GiftoFear

Lundy Bancrioft - why does he do that?
tinyurl.com/LundyWhy

And have a look at The Freedom Program, you can do it online.

Thank you so much for book links, I started reading last night

Thanks for links as well - I know someone who could do with them.

Also sorry to be light hearted but this is a marvellous turn of phrase! “like a labrador at an all-you-can-eat-eat buffet”.