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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does he do this?

861 replies

Sausageroll123 · 03/06/2019 20:31

Been with partner for 2 years. Kids involved (not jointly). We live separately.

Anyway. If we ever have an argument it always ends up with me being treated the silent treatment until I have basically harassed him in to talking to me again.

Currently happening right now. I saw he'd liked a photo of a semi naked girl on social media and said it upset me slightly. He turned round and said this isn't working, and has now ignored me all day.

Whenever I bring up something I'm unhappy about that he's done, I get the same 'this isn't working', and then however many days of silence until I can get him out of it.

I just don't understand why he does it?

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 09/06/2019 08:11

Well what a pisstaker he turned out tobe

@candycane222 31 pages in and you've just summed it all up in 9 words! Grin

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/06/2019 08:33

If the SKY thing is stressing you out then just let it go. I know that might be an unpopular opinion, but sometimes your own mental health is more important. Pick your battles. It runs out on Oct anyway.

Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 09/06/2019 10:30

@WhoKnewBeefStew It's the Sky Sports that runs out in October, he's using the normal package too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 09/06/2019 10:32

@TheStuffedPenguin I've been doing that but even if you change your password they can still automatically reconnect to your account. Sky have said I need to reset it using my memorable date. I have no clue what that is! They were so unhelpful

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 09/06/2019 10:33

@Pearlfish No I've never dumped anyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 09/06/2019 10:33

Thank you all so much for still being here though Thanks

OP posts:
Musteringupthestrength · 09/06/2019 10:34

He liked a picture of a semi-naked woman on SM & he’s in a relationship with you?

I’ve been on MN under different usernames for years & this is the first time I will write this:

LTB!!!!!!!!! Tell him it isn’t working....

Freedom & a better life are so close!

danmthatonestakentryanotheer · 09/06/2019 11:08

Next time he does it agree with him..."yes you're right it isn't working now get the hell out of my life so I can be with a grown-up". You don't have kids together and you live separately so you have nothing to tie you to him. He's not a great partner and he does it because you allow him to by giving in all the time. I'm not saying it's your fault, it's not, he just sounds like a spoilt child sulking when he can't get his own way.

Hermano · 09/06/2019 11:11

I think you'd be very justified in telling him he is no longer permitted to use your sky account. S

Surely sky can help you reset?

Janus · 09/06/2019 11:18

Morning sausage. This Sky thing would really bother me too! Ring ‭0333 759 0132‬ and say you need to talk to someone about unauthorised access to your sky account. Explain you have split with someone and they are accessing all your sky channels from their house without your permission. If you cannot remember certain details tell them there must be a way around this (there just must, my mum and dad have an account and they would have no clue what their passwords are!!). Stick with them and if they fob you off ask to be put through to someone who you can make a complaint with (they tend to try again then!). I have had sky for years and they’ve always been good, I think you may have just got someone having a bad day! I’d keep insisting as you need this sorted.

Booboooo · 09/06/2019 11:26

Agree with janus. Make it your mission today to get SKY sorted. Are you not feeling a tiny little bit angry with him for doing this...... hopefully after 2 weeks your denial phase is coming to the end

gamerchick · 09/06/2019 11:27

Ring sky back and tell them if they can't help you then you're changing provider and to be transferred to the relevent person to close your account. The person who disconnects you will help you change your password. They do anything to keep you as a customer.

FinallyHere · 09/06/2019 11:35

Just adding my voice to @gamerchick to ask to cancel your Sky contract (these calls tend to be answered most quickly ) and when they ask why , explain as PP said that you are aware of unauthorised use of your account in another household.

In the unlikely event that this does not get a suitable reaction please let me know.

QuickQuestion2019 · 09/06/2019 13:12

God just cancel it!

madcatladyforever · 09/06/2019 13:15

What a price. LTB.
It's controlley. My husband did this for 18 years. He's gone now and it feels like heaven.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 09/06/2019 13:23

I got good results on Twitter the other day - sent a DM with all the information I had to the company and they sorted me out - no email option and, as I noted to them, I couldn't afford the phone charge!

Maybe try that, or openly tweet Sky stating that your now-ex bf is taking the piss and using your account against your will - they will love a story like that.

You have actually told him to stop using it, right? Maybe do that first so he can't claim open eyed innocence.

BumbleBeee69 · 09/06/2019 13:48

I bet he's contacted SKY using the online method, pretending to be you. Make them cancel your SKY today.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 09/06/2019 13:55

Definitely get onto them by whatever means and stop this freeloading twat!!

Bloomburger · 09/06/2019 14:02

Blimey you don't have very high expectations do you and are doing a great job of giving your DD appropriate expectations of how a man should treat her.

Is there a reason you think so little if yourself that you are willing to forgive a man who is supposed to be in love with you treating you like this?

Hullaballooooo · 09/06/2019 14:41

Does he have things at your place? Put it all in a bin bag & go dump it on his (Mum's) doorstep.

How about you take charge of the situation rather than passively wondering if it is completely over. You have this power to also end it, then remove/block his number.

I know you can do this & then you can try to draw a line under the whole situation & move on with your life. Seriously you can do this!!!! I know you don't switch off feelings just like that & that you're struggling to come to terms with this but shoot for proving yourself to be a strong woman (for yourself & for the example to your dd) & take the power away from him. Short text, "ok considering us well & truly over, will bring your things round & leave them on your doorstep or feel free to send your mum over to collect them. You must now stop using all of my sky accounts."

Document asking him to stop using your accounts as evidence if you need to pursue some other way of getting him to stop down the line.

Good luck, be strong, you got this!!!!

MsPavlichenko · 09/06/2019 16:20

Yes to pp. Being proactive will make you feel in control, and kick start your recovery. You won't stop loving/ caring right away but this will help so much with the process.

despairingwife · 09/06/2019 16:23

Read the whole thread. FFS Please please OP just cancel Sky!!! And get his things in a bag and dump on his mothers doorstep. Finally block his number from your phone and your daughters phone and tell your kids that he is no longer a part of your lives.

Finally, please please seek some individual therapy to work on understanding your behaviour and why you have allowed his behaviour for so long, and to work on building your sense of self esteem- for your sake and the sake of your dc.

Pearlfish · 09/06/2019 16:53

No I've never dumped anyone

This is the key to the whole thing IMO. For some reason, you don't believe that YOU can decide whether or not YOU want to be in a relationship with someone. You just let HIM decide and you're there for him if it's a yes.

Take control sausage! If you don't want to be in a relationship with this loser, TELL HIM THAT instead of waiting to see if he dumps you!

Fixmygarden · 09/06/2019 19:03

How are you doing, op? Did you manage to sort out your memorable data? X

TheGrapefulDread · 09/06/2019 20:23

Did you set sky go up or did you let him? Have you tried your, his, your kids, his kid’s/Mum’s birthday ?