Why does he do this?

[Sausageroll123]

Been with partner for 2 years. Kids involved (not jointly). We live separately.

Anyway. If we ever have an argument it always ends up with me being treated the silent treatment until I have basically harassed him in to talking to me again.

Currently happening right now. I saw he'd liked a photo of a semi naked girl on social media and said it upset me slightly. He turned round and said this isn't working, and has now ignored me all day.

Whenever I bring up something I'm unhappy about that he's done, I get the same 'this isn't working', and then however many days of silence until I can get him out of it.

I just don't understand why he does it?

Excellent work OP changing the password! 👍🙏🤗

Just see tomorrow as a lovely event for your daughter, keep her forefront in your mind.

Keep your dignity & be polite to him but that’s all. It’s a challenge that you CAN achieve.

Just think how fantastic you will feel afterwards that you have shown him you are not fazed by his ridiculously rude and cruel behaviour.

I'm so hoping you stay strong Sausage show your daughter you will not put up with his shit any more. She'll be so proud of you - as will we

I've gone almost 3 weeks no contact, after always having been the one to crawl and beg this has been the hardest thing I've ever done. But, he phoned me at work last night to ask to try again and the satisfaction I got from saying a very calm no thank you was a great feeling. I've been with this guy best part of 28 years, so be strong and keep your self respect xx

I agree with a PP, speak to sky and ask them if you can switch from sports to ultimate on demand for the duration of the contract.
Worth a try.

I think you need to keep reminding yourself that regardless of how crap you feel, you are in danger of ruining your DDs big day on Saturday. This cannot happen.

I wish you could find some strength to end it by text today. Regain some control. It puts you in a much better position for bumping into him tomorrow - at which point you simply treat him with utter contempt.

@Ju2166

Well done!! 👏

Good for you OP.
As pp said, apart from everything else, the sheer rudeness of using your Sky account whilst also blanking you is appalling.
He may not approach you tomorrow, if he does I wish you strength in staying distant and polite. He has NO RIGHT to treat you like this and then expect to be allowed to speak with you at an event when you are with your children.
I would rehearse a phrase such as "I can't chat today, I'm busy with DD" - something that's non negotiable but won't stress you out to say in a public place and in front of younger DD.
Whether you can think if his behaviour as "abuse" or not, it's still totally unacceptable and he doesn't love you.
Many of his behaviours sound like my ex, including the expensive holidays (more than I could afford, but not a financial challenge for him) to his chosen destination.

2 years in I understand that you love him and you are /were convinced that it's reciprocal but please know that his behaviour won't improve and he won't tolerate any objections to his actions or being called out.
How would it be to reflect on this cycle after 5, 10, 20 years?
Get away from him, for you and your lovely daughters

@Ju2166

Fantastic!

The bloody cheek of him, using your expensive Sky while he doesn’t even deign to communicate with you.

Sorry this is so hard OP.

I must agree I think you need to take control and dump him. He clearly thinks women are there to facilitate his life, he should be able to drool over semi naked women when he feels like it, eat off their grocery bills, use their hit water, use expensive Sky packages installed for their particular need.... but god forbid should he be expected to pay, or listen to how any woman is feeling, apologise or give any commitment.

You can’t win. Tomorrow, if you ignore him he will turn that back on you, probably even say to your Dd ‘your Mum isn’t talking to me’. If you are nice to him he will see it as you capitulating and take it as you apologising in kind, and ‘reward’ you by paying you attention and resuming communication.

This week he has given you the silent treatment, said ‘it isn’t working’, refused to answer the door to you, ignored your good luck message, declined to tell you how it went, and continued to ignore you while using a Sky account paid for by you. And he either wasn’t in to watch Black Mirror (where was he?) or he was so determined not to contact you that he would rather miss it than contact you to say ‘is there something up with the account?’.

And yet you are dangling on a string, wondering if he will apologise or approach you.

He is treating you very badly. He either really does want the relationship to end but is too cowardly to say so, OR he is punishing you for saying you were upset about him ‘liking ‘ bikini shots of other women while you are away / in your absence. He is trying to make sure you never give him any of your ‘shit’ to listen to ever again.

Or then again, he might really be turning away from the relationship. Since he didn’t answer the door or acknowledge your good luck message.

Take control OP: dump him.

Tomorrow focus on your children, chat with other people. If you see him and he sees you, smile politely and then give a little wave and take a great interest in something across the space.

If he says ‘are you ignoring me?’ Say calmly “ if you want to talk to me about your behaviour this week, call me later. This isn’t the time and place, Ooh look, there’s xxxx, I must go and watch / talk to them “

You keep mentioning the vacation quite a bit. I would just chalk it up as sunk-costs. The money is already gone, but you can still spare yourself some pain by not going.

How did the event go?

The event is tomoorow, Capt

I don't think he's been as calculating about the vacation as some of the PPs - he's assuming he'll still be going on a nice vacation with you. This period of silence is irrelevant in his head because you always beg him to take you back. So he won't even have considered it may impact the holiday.

We all really want to help you get through tomorrow xxx

Is there a particular aspect that you are worried about? Is there any more details you can share without outing yourself? Is it a large crowd event type thing? Are you committed to sitting in particular places?

I would imagine that, as she is already aware, you can have a preparatory conversation with dd, tell her your nervous but view it as a good opportunity to show her that being upset is normal, but you can say enough is enough 💪🏼

He actually sounds cheap and nasty, you are well rid of him.

Morning, OP. Pleased to hear about the password changes. They show you are gaining clarity on your situation and strengthening your resolve. Well done.

I can imagine all this is costing you and you're going through a lot. You have the unreserved support and encouragement of many of us, and I hope that helps a little.

One thing I would like to say to you: please end immediately any ability for this cunt to remain in contact with your daughter. Delete and block his number from her phone. While the tv channels and even the holiday are things you can ultimately write off and have a laugh about, he could cause a lot of damage by contacting her. A lot.

I urge you to do this if you haven't already (and apologies if you already have and I missed you saying so).

Good luck getting through today and especially tomorrow.

Well done on changing the password! Would love to see his face when he next tries to log in!
As PP have said, we will be with you in strength tomorrow, I hope you manage to just walk past and waft a ‘hi’ ear him but keep on walking, even if he tries to talk, this is all well beyond repair. We will all be rooting for you.

You're doing really well SausageRoll. The real hard part will be if he does contact you though. Have you thought about what you would say to him?

Well done on the password @Sausageroll123 !

Yes give us more deets about tomorrow. is it a show were your sat right beside him? Or more of a county fair thing were your walking around? I would advise your daughter goes nowere near him. He will be fuming if your both ignore him

Another here to support you Sausage!
Keep strong, one day at a time

My Dad (bless him) is also using my Sky Sports so even though I’m currently stuck in a contract, I’m ok to carry on with it, as long as He no longer has access, which he now shouldn’t.

The event tomorrow is outside and there is no seating, so although I’ll have to be near him I won’t have to be directly next to him, if that makes sense. My daughter will know not to go near him. However my 5 year will spot him and run up straight for a cuddle, and I’m not sure how to stop that.

I know I’m frustrating you all by not texting him and telling him it’s over, but changing all the passwords is a big step for me (I know that sounds ridiculous). This thread has stopped me from going mad this week, I can’t thank you all enough for that

If your dad is well off I wouldn't let that stop me changing the Sky package. Seems like people are quick to take advantage of you.

But if he helps you with other things then ignore me.

I don't think you should text him at all, not even to tell him it's over. Next contact needs to come from him. Only then do you confirm it's over.

Ahhh Sausage, I was in a similar situation, knew for months I was going to end it I just kept waiting for the next incident thinking ‘Next time Rockin, next time’
Wish now I’d not wasted anymore time on the bastard but I got there in the end!

Hi sausage hope you’re ok.
Wondering what his reaction to your five year old will be?
If she doesn’t have to go tomorrow might be worth trying to find a sitter?
Don’t want him to ignore her or maybe worse make big fuss of her.

I thought exactly the same, could the 5 year old go for a play or to your Dad’s so that’s one less thing to think about??