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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does he do this?

861 replies

Sausageroll123 · 03/06/2019 20:31

Been with partner for 2 years. Kids involved (not jointly). We live separately.

Anyway. If we ever have an argument it always ends up with me being treated the silent treatment until I have basically harassed him in to talking to me again.

Currently happening right now. I saw he'd liked a photo of a semi naked girl on social media and said it upset me slightly. He turned round and said this isn't working, and has now ignored me all day.

Whenever I bring up something I'm unhappy about that he's done, I get the same 'this isn't working', and then however many days of silence until I can get him out of it.

I just don't understand why he does it?

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/06/2019 19:51

Sausage are you seeing now how one sided this is? Or are you making excuses for it all in your head? I'm worried you'll just go back to the way things were, just to cling on to him.

Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 06/06/2019 19:52

@Rosielily It was close to £600. We went on holiday last year too, and I paid my half of that as well

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/06/2019 19:55

wildcherries that's the thing. She doesn't seem angry at all, just sad she's lost him. I hope I'm wrong. She shouldn't have to pay out all the time just to keep a man.

Cano · 06/06/2019 20:01

Basically you spend around a hundred a month on him including meals and snacks. He should have been paying for meals out and your holiday and he would still be ahead..

Raise your bar OP, that monthly money spent on him could have been saved for holidays with your DC.

Rosielily · 06/06/2019 20:01

Now, just add up how much you've "contributed" to his lifestyle since you've been with him.

I know relationships shouldn't be about counting every penny, and bickering over who's spent what, BUT, the imbalance here is just wrong. As well as emotionally abusing you, he's taking advantage of you financially because he perceives you as being well off and posh.

And that money could have been saved, or used for nice things for you and your children.

He's got a flaming cheek. You'll be well rid.

Rosielily · 06/06/2019 20:04

Does he pay his mum anything?

Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 06/06/2019 20:08

@Rosielily Yes he pays her rent and contributes to the food shopping x

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 06/06/2019 20:09

He's ripped the piss out of you OP Hmm

Rosielily · 06/06/2019 20:11

Do you know how much?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/06/2019 20:13

He doesn't contribute to your shopping for him though does he? 4 nights a week......

Janus · 06/06/2019 20:17

Do one thing today - cancel bt sports and sky sports, look forward to having OMG that extra money in your pocket.

Janus · 06/06/2019 20:18

Sorry, don’t know how that omg came in that sentence!

Original poster
Sausageroll123 · 06/06/2019 20:23

@Rosielily No I've no idea how much he gives her!

No, no contribution to food at mine.

I've cancelled BT but can't Sky Sports as I'm in a contract. I can see he's been watching that at his house this week..

OP posts:
Absolutepowercorrupts · 06/06/2019 20:28

@sausageroll123
Every update you post makes it so very clear that not only is he emotionally abusive, he's financially abusive too. I wish I knew you in real life, there are so many things that are wrong about this relationship and I really wish you could see all the wrong things.
He tells you that ' he can't be bothered with that shit' when you make a complaint about his behaviour.
He leaves you standing on his door step for half an hour.
He blanks and ignores your daughter.
He has pushed you into a holiday to a destination that he wanted and you've paid half. It's all in his name. So zero security for you, even though you've paid for half.
At his suggestion you've increased your spending on tv related entertainment.
He eats at your house, meals, snacks, drinks 3/4 times a week and makes no fucking contribution at all.
Please try and step back and take a long hard look at this 'relationship' because it's not really a relationship is it? Who is looking out for you? Because it's not him. I said earlier that I think you've been very shocked by the reactions here. You just came for help with a moody boyfriend. And these reactions are not what you expected. Now that you've had time to read, digest and try to make sense of the comments. Please see that these are all from strangers with no axe to grind, no agenda to push.
I think you've been targeted by a practiced Cocklodger and I think it's time that you tried to evaluate why it's so important for you to be with a man, any man even one who treats you so very badly.
I really wish you well for the future and I hope you've taken some of the advice given here on board.
Sorry for the essay

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 06/06/2019 20:28

How are you feeling, Sausage?

woollyheart · 06/06/2019 20:30

Can you reset the Sky Sports password?

He is being very cheeky! Telling you it isn't working but continuing to use your account.

Rosielily · 06/06/2019 20:31

I don't have Sky Sports so don't know how it works. Is there a password you can change?

NerdyBird · 06/06/2019 20:32

@Sausageroll123 he does it because he gets something out of it, that's as far as his investment in your relationship goes. He'll be nice to you as long as you're keeping quiet about behaviour that upsets you and paying for his tv packages, feeding him etc.
He doesn't actually care about YOU.

We do though! You deserve better.

Antigon · 06/06/2019 20:32

I've cancelled BT but can't Sky Sports as I'm in a contract. I can see he's been watching that at his house this week..

Change the password on Sky Go / Sky Sports app so he can't watch anymore OP. Please let us know when you've done it!

Have you changed the password on the BT Sport and Netflix apps?

Rivoli · 06/06/2019 20:33

Can you tell SkySports someone unauthorised is using your account and get them to block it or change the password?

He has such a fucking cheek!

Whilst you're at it, can you text him you don't wish to see him again and block his number?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/06/2019 20:34

@Absolutepowercorrupts I think you've summed up exactly what we all feel reading this thread.

Rivoli · 06/06/2019 20:35

Ps I think you should proactively end it with him succinctly and quickly, rather than just drift and wait to see what happens. The status quo needs to shift. Right now he is fully assuming he's going to crawl back into your life at his own convenience.

Antigon · 06/06/2019 20:35

Sausageroll it's worth giving Sky a call about cancelling Sky Sports (if you haven't already done so) as normally you're only in a contract for the basic Sky and can cancel the extra channels like Sky Sports with 30 days' notice. Unless you've entered into a special deal for Sky Sports?

GoodbyePiccadilly · 06/06/2019 20:38

This is all my family did all the time - punish people with silence. It took me years to learn that emotional blackmail isn't normal. Call his bluff, get on with your life. And be very clear that it's unacceptable behaviour.

Moralitym1n1 · 06/06/2019 20:43

@Absolutepowercorrupts I think you've summed up exactly what we all feel reading this thread.

Agreed, it was an excellent post.

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