Why does he do this?

[Sausageroll123]

Been with partner for 2 years. Kids involved (not jointly). We live separately.

Anyway. If we ever have an argument it always ends up with me being treated the silent treatment until I have basically harassed him in to talking to me again.

Currently happening right now. I saw he'd liked a photo of a semi naked girl on social media and said it upset me slightly. He turned round and said this isn't working, and has now ignored me all day.

Whenever I bring up something I'm unhappy about that he's done, I get the same 'this isn't working', and then however many days of silence until I can get him out of it.

I just don't understand why he does it?

@SnappedandFartedagain

I've so missed that. The OP sounds lovely and all through this thread I'm looking at her and her situation. As terrible as it sounds her daughter needs protecting. Not emotionally but physically.

He's manipulating you. Not a good sign in a relationship, in fact a massive red flag.

OP you asked earlier why he'd book a holiday if he wasn't invested or doesn't care about breaking up.
Well, it's HIS choice of holiday, in HIS name which YOU have paid half of. If he breaks up with you, YOU are the one who doesn't get to go. HE gets a half-price holiday...

Please don't dispense with both yours and your dd's self esteem and mental health for the sake of this 'man'.

@NerdyBird I don't understand why he would do that after 2 years together though? The holiday was so expensive! Although he always made comments about me having money (I don't), so maybe he thinks i can afford to lose that amount x

He would do it because he sees this as a casual relationship. You've paid half and it's in his name. If you don't go, he gets a subsidised holiday. If he decides to be on good terms with you, you can go along too, and he might let you enjoy some of it.

Either way he doesn't lose out.

Forget about the holiday. If you can, cancel it and get some money back.

Everything you say about this man, Sausage, sounds just awful.

You will meet someone lovely, but you have to let this horrible situation go.

He always made comments about you having money? That's why he let you pay for the sports package and feed him through the week too. Honestly, he gets worse with each new snippet of info. He should NOT have been leeching off a lone parent, whether you have money or not. Cancel that package and save the amount up for something nice for you or your DC.

Miniloso is right. There is someone much better out there for you, after you've spent some time on firming your boundaries for future partners.

@QueenOfTheCroneAge My family are reasonably well off, but I'm not, I have to work full time to ensure my kids have the things they need. Unfortunately because of this, and the fact I went to private school, apparently means I have excess money to burn. He calls me 'posh' quite a lot, so I'm wondering whether he has some sort of issue surrounding that. I haven't explained that very well, but I hope you get what I mean!x

It does sound like he has some issues. He thinks that you have money behind you, so it is fair enough to sponge off you.

This just gets worse and worse with each piece of information!

What are you going to do OP? What's your plan, now that you've had a chance to digest the advice on here?

Stay strong OP. You’ve nothing to lose by protecting yourself and having space from him.

Remember, you are the prize! Not this ungrateful twunt.

@Rivoli If I'm being honest I don't have a plan. I'm just trying to get through the week without the kids seeing me crack x

Just take it day by day. Sort yourself some nice things to look forward to.

Believe me, heartache does not last forever. And if nothing else, you have set your rightful boundaries and gained self respect for you and your daughter.

Although he always made comments about me having money (I don't), so maybe he thinks i can afford to lose that amount x

Unfortunately because of this, and the fact I went to private school, apparently means I have excess money to burn. He calls me 'posh' quite a lot, so I'm wondering whether he has some sort of issue surrounding that

It suits him to establish this dynamic that you have money and are posh, because then he can avail himself of your home, food, Netflix, BT Sport (that only he watches) for free. It has a dual benefit, it lets him continue to use you without feeling guilty and it makes you think that 'oh he thinks I have money, so I won't quibble about the food and BT Sport subscription'.

Whose idea was it to get the BT Sport sub?

@Antigon I do tell him that I’m not ‘well off’ but he never seems to believe me. Im really not. I do get to do nice things occasionally, but that’s because I save as much as I can.

It was his idea for me to get BT Sport, and to also add Sky Sports to the Sky package I already have. I had Netflix before he came along, I just gave him my password so he could watch at his house too.

Sky the Sky Sport was, what, £26 per month? And BT Sport on Sky is £30 a month? The Netflix you already had but it was another saving of £10 for him. So he was benefitting to the tune of £76 per month on TV alone.

How much extra was he costing you in food?

Some of these men do target single mums for this reason. He had it easy, just buying the odd book/toy for your son.

*So the Sky Sports was

BT Sports, Sky Spirts & Netflix's

Free food and 'home comforts' too

Sounds as if he had a pretty good package there. Just a pity he was not prepared to put up with any criticism ever and was prepared to be so cold and horrible to you in order to avoid any criticism.

With my earnest hope that you will see what a great person and mother you are @Sausageroll123 and how you deserve so much more than he was prepared to give.

Antigon Wow! I didn't realise sports packages were that much!

Sausage do you see now that he had a really cushy number with you? No surprise the sports TV was his idea! Plus he gets you to grovel to him by using the silent treatment. Honestly I really hope you've had a lightbulb moment, even though you're upset at losing him. In truth, you gain much more without him. Dignity and self esteem, let alone more money to spend on what YOU want.

@Antigon He stays over roughly 4 nights a week, snacks all evening, and maybe dinner 2 nights out of the 4

And yes, these sort of men do target single parents.

He asked you to add these packages but never offered a penny for them That's not love, that's exploitation. Did he have the sports at his mum's house too?

@Antigon No there's not even basic Sky there

God that's even worse, so it wasn't like he was even used to it at home. He probably asked his mum to get Sky/BT Sport and she either said no or that he would have to pay for it. It's so entitled and demanding to ask your girlfriend to get and pay for channels when you don't even contribute to bills.

OP, what are you doing about the holiday? Were our kids going too? Can you call the company and explain the situation and ask them how you can get separate accommodation for you?