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Original poster

Boyfriend says I don’t earn enough

152 replies

Sweetpotato92 · 02/06/2019 14:06

Hi everyone,

My (25F) boyfriend (32M) has recently been saying that I don’t earn enough, that he wants us to buy a house (we rent currently) in the next two years but doesn’t know if he can with my wage.

I qualified as a nurse about a year ago, I really enjoy it and I’m in a busy department in a good trust and there’s lots of opportunity for me to progress. I’ve been doing a lot of extra bank shifts (5-6 12 hour shifts a week) lately but I really missed spending time with him and seeing friends/family. When I said this, he became annoyed with me and told this is what life is like.

He earns double what I earn in a different sector. It’s just made me feel like a bit of a failure. Maybe I’m overreacting.

OP posts:
Bouldghirl · 02/06/2019 14:45

Assuming you are a Band 5 qualified nurse - with those extra Bank shifts you are probably earning way above average. Exactly what is he looking for and does he appreciate the real world. What he wants doesn’t exist! You do a vital job and whatever he does and how much he earns he is worth much less than you are. Two words - bin him!

JaynePoole · 02/06/2019 14:45

What do YOU want?

This. And this,

Thank fuck he's shown his true colours before you bought a house with him...

DuMondeB · 02/06/2019 14:47

My DD almost died last year, aged 6 and a bit.

We’ve been more or less living in the hospital ever since, and there is one thing I have learned:

Nurses are absolute heros.

If your boyfriend doesn’t understand and respect this, well, he doesn’t deserve you.

AcrossthePond55 · 02/06/2019 14:47

Dump him. Your self respect and pride in your work are worth more than this prick.

Valanice1989 · 02/06/2019 14:48

OP, you have a job that you really enjoy. You should value that and feel proud of yourself. If you let this man - who doesn't even sound like he appreciates you - ruin that, you will almost certainly regret it. He's not the right man for you.

Sundancer77 · 02/06/2019 14:49

Sounds like a prick.
Such a worthwhile profession, I take my hat off to you as I couldn’t do it, but wish I could.
You’re stlll really young, you’ve qualified
and earning a wage in a good profession, you deserve to be enjoying life also.

lifebegins50 · 02/06/2019 14:50

As others say - Thank you for training, qualifying and working as a nurse. You are a special person and if your partner makes you feel bad about yourself then it is on him.
You are young and I suspect he appears knowledgeable and worldly but us older women can tell that you will overtake him in maturity and confidence in a few years and hopefully you will see that he is a shallow superficial individual.
Hopefully you take on board what we say. Tell him to shove his comments and find someone else who earns more because DESERVE more. You are more than a pay slip.

EL8888 · 02/06/2019 14:51

This reminds me of my ex. In one breath he would demand l contributed more / moaned about money and in the next breath complained l was at work a lot 🤔. He earned probably 2.5 times more than me at that point l think -during the split l found out he earned more. As others have said, he is 7 years ahead of you, your salary will increase in that time. Live your life the way you want to and have a good work / life balance. Nursing is a tough profession and you don't want to get burned out

Dippypippy1980 · 02/06/2019 14:51

Major red flags - hunk carefully about whether he is right for you

DianaT1969 · 02/06/2019 14:52

Because of your training, you are going to have secure employment for the rest of your life. It's a valued career and you make such a difference.
You will have an NHS pension (I know that doesn't interest people in their twenties 😄), but trust me, when you get to 50 and you start wanting to slow down and wonder what you'll live on, you will be so grateful.

Please stick two fingers up at this man. Buy your own small flat without him. Find out if there are any keyworker developments.
He is not the man for you. You'll know him when you find him and he'll be very proud and supprtive of you.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2019 14:52

You're with the wrong man. Your boyfriend should be proud of you and of your achievements.

If he's going out with a 25 year old, 7 years younger, he has to expect she will earn a lot less than him, ffs. But in any case, he's shallow, he's not good to you and he's the wrong man for you.

Aim for someone nicer next time!

floraloctopus · 02/06/2019 14:52

Meanwhile, what is his contribution to society? From what I can tell it's probably a negative one...your contribution on the other hand.....

WaxOnFeckOff · 02/06/2019 14:52

My DH works in the NHS (used to be a nurse but now does a different role) earns around what he would get in a call centre (less than a nurse) but he loves his job, helps people and gets a lot of personal satisfaction from it. I've always earned double what he does as basically society values what I do more (and less people do it). Our money gets pooled and we share, you know, cos we are a family and it's "our" money. I don't work harder than he does, it's just the way it is.

I must admit there were times when DC were young and times were hard that the nagging thought came in that if he left and got a better job we wouldn't need to struggle so much, but I can't say i've given it much headspace.

We've been together for 25 years.

If this was a one off thing said under pressure then I'd maybe not worry too much but if it's something that is raised more often or the resentment is there then I think i'd be having a big think if this was the right relationship to be in.

Hazlenutpie · 02/06/2019 14:53

Tell him to do one. He’s an absolute knob!

Hotterthanahotthing · 02/06/2019 15:08

If you're a nurse you have to have a partner who's on board with you doing shifts.especially if you want children.
This Man is not the one.

TheInebriati · 02/06/2019 15:09

If he's like this now imagine what he'll be like when you have kids. You'll be paying for all the things 'you' need like a cleaner and childcare.

Coronapop · 02/06/2019 15:10

A man who really loved you would not expect you to work those hours (60 to 70 hours a week is excessive for anyone) just to earn more towards a house, especially as it means you do not see much of each other. Such a man is never going to make a good lifelong partner - he obviously has not got a clue about the gender pay gap, the fact that you are at the beginning of your career, the fact that at some stage you will probably take maternity leave. Seriously take the advice on this thread and LTB. Leave him to find a 32 year old in a high earning sector.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 02/06/2019 15:11

Fuck him! Work, life balance and enjoying what you do is so much more important than what you earn. If he truly, selflessly, loved you this would be far more important to him than what you earn. He sounds like a materialistic tosser tbh

DuchessOfBallybrack · 02/06/2019 15:12

wow, you're only 25 and you've achieved a lot. Nursing is a degree and you have a job. I'd be so cross if my daughter was dating a jerk who tried to make her feel like a failure! At 25! fgs. My dd is only 16 but nope, I would think, no, the right man for her would NOT be making her feel like a failure. The world needs nurses more than it needs, I dunno, hedge fund managers. Stay on your own course. Feather your own nest. Listen to how YOU FEEL

fedup21 · 02/06/2019 15:16

I’m presuming that he knew what a nurse earns whilst you were studying-your wages won’t have come as a shock to him as they are freely available.

What is the actual problem-he wants you to go for a promotion? Do more hours? Are you doing full time hours?

sar302 · 02/06/2019 15:25

My career has been in working with children with special educational needs. My husband works in financial technology. He earns literally 5 times what I did. His take on it is that we're a partnership - he earns big money but sells his soul, and I do actual good in the world. You do actual good in the world. Don't stop doing that for this idiot.

StoneColdOld · 02/06/2019 15:36

I'm 68 op, and JessieTalamasca is absolutely right; your boyfriend is a cunt - and not your friend. He sees you as nothing more than a source of cash.

Nicolastuffedone · 02/06/2019 15:41

Dump him. You’re too good for him

Bluerussian · 02/06/2019 15:43

He has a flipping cheek to say that, I daresay you don't earn badly. I'd think twice before buying a house with him.

DameDoom · 02/06/2019 15:48

Last year a newly qualified nurse saved my life. The doctor asked her what kind of test should be ordered and she said a CA125. He totally shot her down in front of student doctors and nurses as I already have IBD and he assumed it was a symptom but it got me thinking and I pursued the test she'd been mocked for by an older, better paid arsehole.
She was right and I have had early doors treatment for ovarian cancer which would have not happened and am fine.
You are worth a million of him.