how should a nursery worker deal with a crying toddler?

[Moralitym1n1]

Sorry I know this is strictly not a relationships question, but the parenting etc. board is often very slow and with is often a shark frenzy.

I've just overheard a daycare worked shouting "stop that crying

*aib u is often a shark frenzy

• it didn't seem very constructive.

Background she's been doing two days a week there for a few weeks, before that some settling in days (couple of hours - half days). She seemed to enjoy it there until recently, now she seems subdued when left off and picked up.

In the nursery mine went to they would have probably got a cuddle and been jollied along if they were generally being a bit miserable.

It’s pretty awful though. I witnessed our reception TA doing similar on a couple of occasions.

If your nearly 2 year old is crying often and for no reason while the other workers are trying to cope with other kids, I would expect a telling off yes. My nephew had form for this - wanted a particular worker’s attention constantly and would cry if she was with another child. Sometimes there would be a telling off.

Best to monitor the situation and drop in a bit early some days to see what happens on a regular basis.

I would expect them to give her a cuddle/ distract her. If someone was talking to my dd like this I would remove her from that care setting and find a more caring environment- I'd expect better from a childcare professional.

Children are allowed to have feelings they shouldn't be told to not cry imo it's often a healthy expression of emotion especially when they don't have the language skills to articulate what's upsetting them.

Nursery worker definitely should not be shouting at a toddler no matter what the situation is. Kids follow example so much and that's not a good way to behave. How the nursery worker should have behaved really depends on the cause of the crying, which isn't clear but shouting wasn't the right answer.

My DD 2y7m is often upset when I drop her off. First her key worker asks if DD wants a cuddle (usually she's saying she wants to cuddle me) and if DD says no they try to distract with offers of reading a story or looking at the new play stuff / activity that's out that day.

I have NEVER heard a worker at the nursery shout at any child. I even asked when she started there at just under 1yo what they do if they're naughty (as I had no idea) and they said they just explain that something's not kind / dangerous / makes someone else sad / whatever in an age appropriate way.

I would think that shouting at an already upset child is completely unacceptable, counterproductive, and not something to expect from a competent and qualified professional.

I'm a childminder and I give the child a cuddle and try to distract. I might suggest we stop the sillies so we can have a lovely time but in what my friends call my Mary Poppins voice!

If it's a tantrum I tend to leave them to it as mine usually get over it within a couple of minutes and then we talk (age appropriately) and have a cuddle. I generally carry on with what I'm doing with the other children and the grumpy one usually comes round.

Shouting doesn't really help anything!

I couldn't not have gone in to comfort dc and see what was going on.
I think you should go in and voice your concerns and ask the circumstances. Otherwise you are going to feel uncomfortable taking your DD there.

I suppose "in a raised voice" would be the nicest way of describing it - though shouting wouldn't be much of an exaggeration.

She would get people to read books to her 24 hours a day if she could. When I was leaving and it was obvious she wasn't exactly ecstatic, the worker (also a "supervisor" incidentally ) said she take her to read a book, as they often do when I leave. (I should point out she never cries of tantrums when I leave, she used to look fine, now she looks unhappy) .. Not she if \how ok g she read for but that was what I heard by the time I nipped to nearest shop a few minutes away on foot and returned with nappies.

I haven't read much psychology/childcare etc. about this and how it's supposed to be handled best - does anyone know what the common current approach/es are that a nursery would be likely to follow.
I feel like it I raise this, it'll just be an opinion vs opinion thing or I might be patronized because it's their bread and butter/they've done the train ing.

• how long she read for

Thanks for the responses everyone.

In should add rather that point they worked was on her own with 6 of them; which I can't recall seeing before.

Well she's not yet 2 so I'd mention it when you pick her up.

I would of had to of gone in. Some people aren't aware of how they come across. I do appreciate there are more children than your daughter but it is the environment they agreed to work in.

(.She is in the "baby room" soon to move to the toddler room, so she would be the oldest there. The ones older than her were moved 'I'm recently)

Autocorrect!
*At that point the worker was on her own with 6 of them.

Sounds like the worker is stressed (not an excuse to shout at a crying one year old).
You could go and speak to the manager, and tell her what happened. See what her response is.

If your nearly 2 year old is crying often and for no reason while the other workers are trying to cope with other kids, I would expect a telling off yes. My nephew had form for this - wanted a particular worker’s attention constantly and would cry if she was with another child. Sometimes there would be a telling off.

Absolutely not. At this age, and even older, the response should be something gentle but firm, along the lines of "No, Susie, I'm with Tommy right now. You can have a cuddle when Tommy's finished." A child tantrumming might be left alone, but supervised.

The only time it is appropriate to shout at a 20mo is when they're reaching for that pretty red stick in the fire.

The only reason I left was that my husband was outside (unusually working fro m U.K.e today and gave us a lift there) and I went out to talk to.him about it.

He said that if I went in, that it was highly likely we 'd end up pulling her out of their (completely) and I needed to think carefully about that, and that it would be disruptive to pull her out and start her in another nursery .. And also that she's spoilt. I'm too soft as our my mum and sister etc.

He then conveniently pulled out of the car park says t we were blocking it while I was repond ing (!)g
But then he thinks I can be rash and emotional and was trying g t o stops scene (I recently went around to speak to a neighbour about noise and we ended up telling each other to fuck off .

*working from.home
*there

Awe I hope you didn't think I was judging you OP! Absolutely not. I have a little one coming up for 6 months and I feel my claws are out half the time ready to go 😂😂

Yeah but you're emotional cause you love your little girl.

How do you think you will approach it if you do?

*He then conveniently pulled out of the car park, saying we were blocking it, while I was responding.

@Samind

No, no - I was just saying i felt the same as yourself and the other posters who said they couldn't not have gone in; i felt like a bad mother not going in - but decided to go out to tell my husband and he then took the decision out of my hands by driving off - though I understand why.

I 'm very be interested to know what the current thinking is on this, in childcare circles, so I'm not going in unprepared.