how should a nursery worker deal with a crying toddler?

[Moralitym1n1]

Sorry I know this is strictly not a relationships question, but the parenting etc. board is often very slow and with is often a shark frenzy.

I've just overheard a daycare worked shouting "stop that crying

So you were afraid to go in and comfort your baby (and she is a baby still) but then you also tolerate your husband insulting you and your mother and sister? Do you stand up for yourself to him ever? If he says she's spoiled then why the hell does he tho j so and how does he parent her? She's 20 months old what are you supposed to do with her beat her and out her on a chain gang? Distract her and offer an alternative is absolutely fine!

Sorry for typo

no way in hell would I leave my child in such a nursery.
A 20 month old crying should be held and comforted.

As for your child being "spoilt"- shes 20months old! What examples are there of her being spoilt?

Even if they aren't going to hold her they shouldn't be raising their voice or saying to stop that nonsense! No child will understand that.
We often say things like "you're being a bit silly now let's stop" or if we're really fed up "no we aren't picking you up/holding you, go and play" but we wouldn't raise our voice or anything!
It doesn't sound like she's settled or that they're making the settling in period easier and she needs to leave that setting. And I often say to stick it out or to try a new way of settling them.

In my nursery I would have given a 20 month old a cuddle, regardless of why they were crying
An older child I would give a bit of space and then spoken to them telling them they looked sad and could they tell me why
I would then ask them if they would like a cuddle and how I could help them to feel happier
And I don’t refer to myself as a worker, I’m their key person and emotional attachment is a key part of what I do
Op, you have good reason to speak to the manager
Incidentally, how do the nursery refer to the staff? Do they use the term key person or key worker?
There is a lot of difference between the terms and it saddens me that nursery staff still use the term key worker
Their answer to that question will tell you a lot to their understanding of emotional intelligence

So you were afraid to go in and comfort your baby (and she is a baby still) but then you also tolerate your husband insulting you and your mother and sister? Do you stand up for yourself to him ever? If he says she's spoiled then why the hell does he tho j so and how does he parent her? She's 20 months old what are you supposed to do with her beat her and out her on a chain gang? Distract her and offer an alternative is absolutely fine!

This post made me laugh, but not in any derogatory way, just at the irony.
I am very laidback most of the time but have a really really bad temper (like capable of killing someone bad temper) and as I've gotten older have learned to (most of the time) rein myself in, otherwise I'll go off like a miss ile. That was why I did not to into that room, esp at this time of the month. However i did think it was possible myself and my husband would be going back in after I spoke to him and got his input. He rather slyly exit ed is from the situation and said we need to think about this; which I mostly agree with.

My husband is generally considered a saint for putting up with someone as feisty, mouthy, cutting and pedantic as me; which is why I laughed at this.

In his defence 're my mum and my sister, I myself have said that my mum has always had a "lunatics run the asylum" approach to grandchildren and it was not a good thing. My sister less so, but I have also complained to him about both of them saying my daughter should not be going into cascade and makin g me feel bad about it. Everywhere they saw with me was 'not nice', 'too dark', they don't pay them enough attention, they look.bored and confined etc. They haven't seen this place but have said a full day is far too long for her to be in there etc. He tho his they're ott and to some extent i think they are too.

Anyway yes I agree with the distraction thing, though I think he to Dr it frustrating that she won't accept no, seemingly ever. As do I sometimes.

But perhaps that's normal for this age?

Also she is very very demanding and impatient, if we don't produce what she wants in milliseconds ones she's shouting/crying g, but again maybe that normal (?) It's just stressful.

• going into nursery

Lol good to hear. Most two year olds are not known for logic or patience.

*he does find it frustrating

As for your child being "spoilt"- shes 20months old! What examples are there of her being spoilt?

As above i suppose - can't be told no, just keeps on (sometimes with a look of real.devilment), protests very loudly if we don't be her what she wants instantly - but is this just normal at 20 months?

I also find it cringe inducing at musical tots when I try to get her involved in returning the instruments along with the others to be out away and even though I try to show her everyone is doing it, she tantrums (and some women helpfully stare at me). She is among the younger ones there though.

• being her what she wants

@insancerre

I've just been using the word worker as a generic term; you're making me feel very unobservan t because I cant remember what's on the photo board other than "supervisor" for this woman and assistant manager for another lady. I think it might be " assistant", I'm not sure.

The don't is the two women who are "just" assistants seem much more stoic and to!erant about crying/behaviour they've mentioned to me than this supervisor. She seems a stickler in every possible way - when we collect them and leave them off there's the potential for a small but if hanging around: the others seem ok with it, she seems to want you out asap. This morning I didn't even fully get that she meant me to leave the nappies outside (in the tea room she suggested) be wise I didn't get that she was construct about me not showing my face again. I understand that it may well be about disruption, but to me it's part of a general stickler, territorial vibei get from her.

*The irony is

my 19 year old works in a nursery part time. I just asked her to read this post and she said. "It would not happen at our nursery, if they cry we distract" I personally would go speak with them but make it clear it can not happen ever again.

the thing is matching defiance with defiance to a 20 month old is pointless. Its about changing their mindset- my 22 month old doesnt put toys away because I sternly ask her, its because she enjoys the clapping and praise shes get when she does it.
If she wants something and I wont give it, she will yell and try to start throwing herself around, as long as shes safe I ignore or try and engage her in something else. So far this tactic is working to diffuse situations

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I was wondering if it was my mothering, not being able to bear hearing your child cry, not liking hearing your child told off - thing that was the problem, but the vast majority of responders seem to think it's unacceptable, even if it was a raised voice and not sceaming/shouting. It was more between raised voice and shouting i suppose - well I could hear it down the corridor and they're behind wooden doors with vision panels. I just thought it seemed unnecessarily shouty and actually rather stupid.

I mean I'll sometimes vent and say stupid, unconstructive things when I've had it up to the neck but I'm not a childcare worker, being paid to look after kids etc.

my 22 month old doesnt put toys away because I sternly ask her, its because she enjoys the clapping and praise shes get when she does it.

In that case she wouldn't let go and the instruments were being taken away and loaded in the teachers car so I had to take it out of her hand while trying to show her everyone was doing the same and mak i g it out to be a positive thi ng, incident work; but in general yes, good techniques.

yes if in a class and she wont release Id have to prise it from her hand and deal with the fall out- so good to try and instil good habits at home.

@insancerre
@Enko
@mylittlenugget

Out of interest do your (or daughter's) nurseries combine different age groups at breakfast and home time?

At breakfast time they have all ages (including before school club kids) in dining room together and it seemed quite noisy/hectic/intimidating for little ones) and after 5 or so they start combining different age groups in one from too; whi chi though could be the same and worried me a bit about potential bullying/roughness from older children if assistants didit it. I thought whole point was to divide by age for safety/confidence etc.

• in one room

• if assistants didn't see it

(I don't know what happens at lunch, snack etc. time - though school agencies wouldn't be there).

I officially raised a concern with the care inspectorate over similar at my local playgroup. They were investigated and my concern was upheld: staff now need extra training and monitoring.

It is never ok to shout at a distressed baby/toddler. Your child needed comfort. If I were you I would be finding another nursery

Christ on a bike. Your posting is incredibly hard to read!

No. She shouldn’t have spoken her like that. And I wouldn’t have left tbh.