how should a nursery worker deal with a crying toddler?

[Moralitym1n1]

Sorry I know this is strictly not a relationships question, but the parenting etc. board is often very slow and with is often a shark frenzy.

I've just overheard a daycare worked shouting "stop that crying

Poor baby. Of course she's not 'possessive' of her stuff - she's anxious and wants to go home!

As a self appointed expert on toddler behaviour, I thought that I could offer some useful insight into your Dad's behaviour. She was crying over the bubble wand, because she wanted a go. She was crying over taking her shoes off because she didn't want to take her shoes off! It is really no more complex than that! Some kids are just more wilful or easily upset. My first had the most awful tantrums! Horrendous and very set in his ways. He's actually very bright and has very strong concentration skills, so was very hard to distract. Second child came along - concentration of a gnat. Within ten seconds of being vaguely annoyed, she has forgotten the reason why. She is so placid. My son hated play groups, didn't enjoy nursery, didn't like play dates (up until 3.5). He didn't like loud noises or chaos or children pushing/bumping into him etc. At 3.5 he started preschool and LOVED it. It was orderly and calm and the staff were very kind and amazing with him. I was amazed at the change in him. Sometimes they just need a slightly different environment (or start to grow out of such behaviour). Your daughter is so young still. I agree that the nursery are being defensive over your request for a policy. It sounds to me that your daughter is harder work than some of the other kids, so they may well be looking for an easier more placid option out of a bit of laziness, rather than truly trying to channel their energy into her. I think that you should keep exploring options (including child minders) and then, move her and file a complaint when you leave.

DD's NOT Dad's! Damn autocorrect!!! 😂(Although tbh just when your toddlers start to grow up and become more rational, suddenly your parents start to grow old and descend into toddlerism!! They don't warn you about that, do they!). 😉

Some kids are just more wilful or easily upset. My first had the most awful tantrums! Horrendous and very set in his ways. He's actually very bright and has very strong concentration skills, so was very hard to distract.

They have commented on her intelligence (i.e. she seems very intelligent) a few times; though this was the "ordinary" workers, not the supervisor/key worker who was telling her off.

She does seem particularly wilful and active compared to other kids; was at a petting farm with a group the other day and it was just me and one another lady (a granny I presume) who seemed to be struggling dealing with the wriggling, running off, tantruming, strong will etc.

I would have reported/had a very concerned word to the nursery manager there and then.
As you missed the opportunity today - do it on Monday or when she next goes. She won't be doing it just to your DD and she needs to be advised/told about her poor conduct.
Sorry this has happened - it's must have been quite upsetting and confusing at the same time 💐

Personally I would move nurseries. You wish your daughter to have the best possible care when her parents are not there. I would worry about what happens unseen if this is the 'visible' standard. There will be other nurseries, you don't have to put up with this. You will regret it.

Wilful and active is normal! She's not yet two!

OP I’m really sorry but I would take her out if there!

I would have taken her straight after the “raised voice” incident anyway but your update with the managers responses have raised loads of red flags for me. This is not a nurturing environment. Find her a lovely nursery or childminder who will comfort her when she is upset.

Poor baby. Of course she's not 'possessive' of her stuff - she's anxious and wants to go home!

To be fair she was crying/tantruming when they took her shoes off for her afternoon nap - unless she thought by keeping them on, she'd be closer to home-time; seems unlikely.

Wilful and active is normal! She's not yet two!

Yes I know, but as CorBlimey mentioned; sometimes you see that compared to their per group, they appear even more wilful and active than average!

That doesn't mean I think raising your voice to them, telling them off etc is ok though.
I'm interested, if that's the right word, that this manager says a stern, raised, voice may be appropriate at times; but no-one else I've asked seems to.

The workers, aside from that one, seem great, and the environment is good.

@KeepCoolCalmAndCollected

Sorry I'm a bit lost, it seems like you've not seen my latest posts.

I’ve just read the whole thread and wanted to share our experience.
Our DS toddler started to be clingy etc when going in and would be desperate to leave at the end of the day. They combined the groups before 8.30am and after 4pm and he was with much older children and it felt like they were in a holding pen waiting to be picked up. 😔
I agonised for a month about moving him nurseries, thinking it was a normal phase etc but then we finally moved a month ago and it was the best decision we made. He goes happily, he is in an age appropriate group all day long and I have never seen anyone raise their voice at the children.
We drive 20 mins in the wrong direction to be at this nursery and it’s still the right decision.

Your DD sounds completely normal, don’t let them make out she's the problem here.

My DS is very ‘wilful’ as well so you have my sympathy 😂 he just needs to be engaged in an activity!

And a stern raised voice is appropriate for ‘do not touch the oven’ and ‘we do not hit other children’. Never for a crying child! Who shouts at a 2 year old for crying?!

Mine was very emotional when he started nursery and got tons of cuddles everyday.

They still miss him and his cuddles in the baby room, now that he is 3 and in the big room.

@Postmanbear

Thanks for reading the whole thread, with its million odd typos, and for your comments.

I was on the fence about my lo's clinginess at drop off because she dies similar at the beginning of activities that I take her to now; I thought perhaps it was a stage, due to her getting older and more aware of people etc.

She was subdued a couple of times at collection but seems ok the last few times.

I don't like what I heard and I have reservations about the stern, raised voice thing (just as you say - not appropriate for non dangerous scenarios).

@insancerre

Very tardy answer to your question, sorry .. "key worker" is the term they used today.