have accidentally caught out dp lying about where he is.....what to do now

[FrenchFanciesYesPlease]

dp and I live in town A (not together). His ex lives with their dcs in town B which is 2 hours away by car. We have what I would have described as a very easy going, happy relationship. Or so I thought!

a week or so ago, accidentally, dp sent me a message for his ex confirming he was picking up the dcs and taking them out on the evening of day1 (he usually stays there as he has a room at their house). We already had plans to meet on day 2 and he was staying at mine and spending day 3 together.

a few days later, he sends me a message saying he is seeing dc on the evening of day 2 and 3 and can we rearrange. I said fine (and thought him and ex must have just rearranged day 1) and he said why don't we do lunch on day 2 before he goes to town B for the evening.

coincidentally for work, I happen to be driving through town B on day 1. I stop at a petrol station and am filling up when lo and behold, I spot dp's car driving by. He has no reason to be in town B at all. I was going to call him then I thought let me just drive past his ex's house and see and lo and behold, his car is there.

day 2 he was going to meet me for lunch (as arranged) and I was going to be coming back from somewhere up north and arriving at Euston. I predict, in my head, that he will now come up with an excuse as he normally spends the whole day with his dcs when he goes down the night before. Lo and behold, morning of day 2, he says sorry he can't make it as he's ill and says I'm really sad because I wanted to surprise you at Euston (he knew what train I was coming in on). I didn't say anything and he then sends me a picture of an online booked train ticket from his train station to Euston which would have arrived 45 mins after my train arrived

I am not going to confront him till we see each other person but why on earth would you lie like this? I know there is nothing between him and ex but if this was innocent, you wouldn't lie like this would you? I suspect he is covering for whatever he did on the night of day 2 :( (as he would have come back from ex/dcs on day2). Should I just confront him with this or just tell him I think something is going on?

Don't think of it as a wasted year! you must have had some good times. Lucky that you can make a clean break now you know the extent of his lying.

I know hollow that's what I don't get. And I am totally relaxed about that. We've never fallen out about arrangements. What I suspect is that if he had to tell me he was seeing them on Monday, it meant he had no reason not to see me on Tues/Weds as was planned and he obviously had something else planned for Tues/Weds. So rather than tell me the truth, he pretended he was seeing his dcs on Tues night/Weds which meant he had an excuse for not seeing me. But then saw them on Monday as planned, couldn't then get to see me Tuesday lunch (as he was there) and then went on to do whatever it was he was hiding on Tues night.

He knows I would always accept seeing his kids without question so I suspect he's using them as an excuse for doing other things.

other thing that made me suspicious was he has someone close to him (can't say who, too outing) who keeps going into hospital. But often at a time which means he has to change the time we are meeting up. Again, I can't prove or disprove this and it may well be true. But there is something very suspicious about the timing of the hospital visits, the length of time he has to stay when it happens. Again this is something else I wouldn't question, so I suspect this was also used as an excuse to go and do whatever it is he's trying to hide.

actually writing it all out, it all makes sense now

thanks so much for letting me witter on. I haven't told anyone about this in real life so venting on here and figuring it out has really helped.

What a creep. Do you have anything of his? You should shut this down ASAP to be honest. I wonder how I’ll he would be if you tell him you want to go your separate ways and you’ll give him his stuff back on x date.

How ILL’

Hospital friend! Oh yeah, that's a classic Oscar Wilde used it as a plot device in a play, it's as old as the hills. Sorry OP but as you now know he's as dodgy as F.

I have got stuff but luckily not much of mine at his and yeah, I do now think what a creep!

I'm going to let him come round on Monday. I'm not going to let on till then. When he comes, I'll have his stuff packed and ready.

I don't think I'm going to give him a chance to explain. I'm going to tell him I know he lied and that I don't want to know why (I actually don't want to know because it doesn't matter). If he cancels Monday, I'll do this all via text. It is definitely over now, I can't 'do' men like this.

he knows something is up as I'm not responding like i normally would to his messages and he's asking me what's going on. He's a clever little fucker, he really is. Chances are this will all be over before Monday but let's see.

So have you been to his house?

Sorry, just seen that you have stuff there. He's definitely living there alone then?

I'd guess he's staying with his 'ex' .
Can your friend that lives in Town B do a drive by and spot his car there?
And send you a photo.
You could send him this, and say "poor you, hope 'ex' is looking after you Ok"

Op, please don’t feel like an idiot. What right minded person goes into a relationship needing proof of every move? Your just sane and well adjusted.
Something similar happened to me once and I ended it, when he wanted to know why I said” Because I can’t stand liars”. He denied it and wanted to question me ( was crazy to find out which way he had slipped up) and kept asking for details.
I walked out and left him in the bar all injured innocence.

So where is he now op?

I'm sorry OP. What an awful situation.
Personally, if it were me, I'd like to make him squirm a bit for being such a cheeky lying sod. As I understand it, he thinks that you believe he was in town A at home on day 1, then meeting you for lunch in London on day 2, then heading to town B for that evening and day 3. Then says he's too ill to meet you for lunch. If it were me, I'd respond with something along the lines of "You poor thing. Probably too sick to see your DC too, you wouldn't want to pass anything on to them... Tell you what, I'll pop over later with dinner for you to help you feel better." Then watch him try to get out of it, just to watch him wriggling and dig himself in deeper.

Do you not want to give him a little longer and a little more rope to hang himself with?
If you tell him now he might make up a plausible story.

Agree not to let on you know until Monday or he will invent another web of lies.

Please don't blame yourself, we can all be fooled.

At least you know what a lying weasel he is now.

I think you're handling yourself with a lot of dignity. You're worth way more than him.

Sorry this has turned out the way it has. A fine example of how good our guts can be. My ExH was an expert liar and finally got caught out because of inconsistent behaviour alerting my gut instincts. I actually confronted him in the middle of the night when the pennies finally dropped for me and he wasn’t fully awake and able to con me out of what I was sure about.

images.app.goo.gl/rkVbPeuVhme2QQW16

Bit late to the party but a quick Google brings up loads of these you can screenshot and send

@slipperywhensparticus OOH!

Honestly, just leave his bags outside the door and a note saying never contact me again. With creeps like this you never get closure. What you will get is more lies, and gaslighting that will end up making you question yourself and give you more stress.. Ghost him. Don't give him the opportunity

Liars are the worst...
Sorry you're going through this OP

For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s the ex but that he has someone else on the go. Men would use seeing kids as an excuse because no one would question that.
He never had any intention to meet you for lunch on day 2, knew all along he would cancel and knowing that compensated with ticket to made it credible (in his mind at least).
As someone suggested, I would call him now (not text so if he is out and about with someone else you’ll hear or he won’t pick up) and say you’ll pop down to his to bring food or something just to see his reaction.
If you confront him on Monday, if he has an over engineered explanation or gets really defensive and calls you paranoid thats probably a sign he is lying.
I really feel for you, the betrayal is awful.

You’ll never get him to admit about lying. I dated a pathological liar - He lost his phone in a cab, driver called me from it as I was the last number he’d called. I picked the phone up and saw texts on it blatantly showing he’d had sex with numerous (7) other women in the previous few weeks and in fact was living with someone (had two houses). yet he looked me in the face and denied it when I gave him his phone back.

Couldn’t believe it!

@Calmingvibrations Wow! of course he had reasonable explanations for those texts........

Maybe he did buy the ticket but he was meeting someone else?

Any chance he just found the ticket in the bin?