Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

have accidentally caught out dp lying about where he is.....what to do now

166 replies

FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 10:55

dp and I live in town A (not together). His ex lives with their dcs in town B which is 2 hours away by car. We have what I would have described as a very easy going, happy relationship. Or so I thought!

a week or so ago, accidentally, dp sent me a message for his ex confirming he was picking up the dcs and taking them out on the evening of day1 (he usually stays there as he has a room at their house). We already had plans to meet on day 2 and he was staying at mine and spending day 3 together.

a few days later, he sends me a message saying he is seeing dc on the evening of day 2 and 3 and can we rearrange. I said fine (and thought him and ex must have just rearranged day 1) and he said why don't we do lunch on day 2 before he goes to town B for the evening.

coincidentally for work, I happen to be driving through town B on day 1. I stop at a petrol station and am filling up when lo and behold, I spot dp's car driving by. He has no reason to be in town B at all. I was going to call him then I thought let me just drive past his ex's house and see and lo and behold, his car is there.

day 2 he was going to meet me for lunch (as arranged) and I was going to be coming back from somewhere up north and arriving at Euston. I predict, in my head, that he will now come up with an excuse as he normally spends the whole day with his dcs when he goes down the night before. Lo and behold, morning of day 2, he says sorry he can't make it as he's ill Hmm and says I'm really sad because I wanted to surprise you at Euston (he knew what train I was coming in on). I didn't say anything and he then sends me a picture of an online booked train ticket from his train station to Euston which would have arrived 45 mins after my train arrived Hmm

I am not going to confront him till we see each other person but why on earth would you lie like this? I know there is nothing between him and ex but if this was innocent, you wouldn't lie like this would you? I suspect he is covering for whatever he did on the night of day 2 :( (as he would have come back from ex/dcs on day2). Should I just confront him with this or just tell him I think something is going on?

OP posts:
Summerorjustmaybe · 24/05/2019 11:34

Who told you she had a new bf?
Maybe it's him!!

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:34

sorry I mean missed me at Euston by nearly an hour!

we've been seeing each other for a year :(

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:35

tbdo I've never checked up on him once. I've never had any reason to doubt him.

OP posts:
desparate4sleep · 24/05/2019 11:37

If you were working I am assuming he was there on a weekday when the kids would have been at school-are you sure he isn't still sleeping with his ex?

The photo of the train ticket is odd. If you genuinely had a ticket you wouldn't think to send a photo of it to prove anything. It's likely he bought it when he was going to cancel so that you would believe him.

I don't think there is any point in going further with this relationship. He's a liar and you'll probably never work out what he was lying about.

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:37

tbdo I suspect he sent me the ticket out of guilt if I think about it. Like wasn't I brilliant, I wasn't only going to see you for lunch, I was going to surprise you too - almost so I feel sorry for him (that's what he was aiming for).

summer I can't actually recall now who told me about his ex having a new bf. I'm now starting to doubt everything I've been told.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:38

I think you're right desperate. I'm such an idiot.

OP posts:
Yellowhat33 · 24/05/2019 11:38

Does the photo even have the date on it? Can you see the cost? Doesn't matter ultimately. It's clearly rubbish

RiversDisguise · 24/05/2019 11:39

Meh it sounds messy, I would dump and tell him why.

bigchris · 24/05/2019 11:40

The ticket could be a genuine mistake though, he just booked the wrong ticket , got the times wrong

DizzySue · 24/05/2019 11:41

More than just the lie. It seems he put some effort into setting up the lies before hand (you had a feeling he'd cancel on you all along) and then covering his tracks after (with the ticket) unfortunately fur him he sent you the original text message to you by mistake and was also spotted by you at ex's house, otherwise he'd have gotten away with it (and probably has gotten away with lies in the past)

Purplecatshopaholic · 24/05/2019 11:43

He has lied. If he has lied about this, what else has he lied about. You need a serious conversation, and you may need to Get Rid

ELM8 · 24/05/2019 11:44

I think he saw you at the petrol station...

Yellowhat33 · 24/05/2019 11:45

I agree re petrol station

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 24/05/2019 11:45

If it's not too late, can you reply with a cheery "well you'd have missed me by 45 minutes so probably best you cancelled!". It's the overly complicated explanation that indicates he's lying.

eddielizzard · 24/05/2019 11:46

I think the weird train time was probably because he thought 'oh i know, I'll pretend to buy this ticket to prove I was going to meet her', and when he went to find the the ticket, the tickets available to buy were from that time onwards, arriving too late. Eg you were arriving at Euston at 12. He looks at 10, next train leaves at 10.15 arriving at Euston at 12.45. Am I making any sense??? He didn't actually book the ticket days in advance, he thought of it that morning.

That's my theory anyway...

FizzyGreenWater · 24/05/2019 11:47

So sorry OP Flowers

it's not stupid to not automatically be suspicious of someone, not at all.

But now you know, you're taking action.

It seems he put some effort into setting up the lies before hand

Yep :(

Get rid.

xx

VaggieMight · 24/05/2019 11:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

desparate4sleep · 24/05/2019 11:47

Also I would be prepared for him to have a cover story when he sees you. He already had the train ticket as a cover so he may have seen your car or it's likely your texts have been less loving/ less frequent so he may have some fake excuse prepared.

I would meet him at his house and gather any stuff I had there and end things very calmly and wouldn't demand any explanation. You won't be able to trust him again and you'll never truly know what happened.

Thisnamechanger · 24/05/2019 11:51

OP...did he definitely say he was no longer seeing DC Monday? Could this be a sort of lying by omission / not thinking to mention it thing?

Lovestonap · 24/05/2019 11:52

You're not stupid for trusting someone. It's what normal, nice people do. But when someone proves themselves to be unworthy of that trust, the clever thing to do is move on.

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:53

thanks all :(, i think you're all right

I am absolutely convinced he booked the ticket first thing this morning when he woke up and realised he was going to need something to deflect from the fact that he wasn't going to turn up for lunch so created this great story about how wonderful he was to surprise me at Euston but couldn't make it because he's ill.

I am not going to let on that I know. Thinking back now on a lot of things, I can see some suspicious things and I suspect he is an incredibly accomplished liar. I suspect that he will throw everything back at me when I confront him with this. Someone who goes to these lengths to back himself not look bad is not going to take it well when i tell him what I think!

I can't believe I've gone out with him for a year. His ex probably doesn't know about me and I am now not even sure whether it was him who told me she had a new bf, it probably was.

OP posts:
fatfreegreek · 24/05/2019 11:56

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it - I was married to my 'D'H for 16 years before I discovered he was a pathological liar!

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 11:56

I meant 'make himself not look bad'.

namechanger it's not so much that, he often sees his dcs and tells me when he does (I also have dcs so we often discuss our dcs and how they are), it's more the fact that he intended to see them Monday but pretended to me it was Tuesday so that he didn't do Tues/Weds with me as planned then carried on lying.

OP posts:
Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 12:00

thanks fatfreegreek, I'm sorry about that. Why do these men do it?!

there was something a few weeks ago when he pulled out of something else (staying the night for a big party at a hotel) - and I thought it was odd and he made this grand gesture of picking me up afterwards (and it's miles away) - he's quite clearly been stringing me on for a while fgs! I can see a pattern of him overcompensating with these grand gestures like surprising me or picking me up from somewhere where I'd normally get the train back etc. It's clever, because the excitement disguises you thinking about the fact that he's fucked you over!

OP posts:
LemonTT · 24/05/2019 12:02

So he saw his children on Monday at their home. Which you know because you saw his car there and a text to his ex arranging it.

He cancelled his plans to see you tues and Wednesday. He slotted in a lunch on Tuesday but the cancelled that too. He told you he was seeing his children.

He bought a train ticket to London (I could ask where his car is here but let’s swerve that).

Conclusion he is back in London. He was going to fit you in for lunch. Now he doesn’t have time. He blew you out for person(s) and things unknown.