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Original poster

have accidentally caught out dp lying about where he is.....what to do now

166 replies

FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 10:55

dp and I live in town A (not together). His ex lives with their dcs in town B which is 2 hours away by car. We have what I would have described as a very easy going, happy relationship. Or so I thought!

a week or so ago, accidentally, dp sent me a message for his ex confirming he was picking up the dcs and taking them out on the evening of day1 (he usually stays there as he has a room at their house). We already had plans to meet on day 2 and he was staying at mine and spending day 3 together.

a few days later, he sends me a message saying he is seeing dc on the evening of day 2 and 3 and can we rearrange. I said fine (and thought him and ex must have just rearranged day 1) and he said why don't we do lunch on day 2 before he goes to town B for the evening.

coincidentally for work, I happen to be driving through town B on day 1. I stop at a petrol station and am filling up when lo and behold, I spot dp's car driving by. He has no reason to be in town B at all. I was going to call him then I thought let me just drive past his ex's house and see and lo and behold, his car is there.

day 2 he was going to meet me for lunch (as arranged) and I was going to be coming back from somewhere up north and arriving at Euston. I predict, in my head, that he will now come up with an excuse as he normally spends the whole day with his dcs when he goes down the night before. Lo and behold, morning of day 2, he says sorry he can't make it as he's ill Hmm and says I'm really sad because I wanted to surprise you at Euston (he knew what train I was coming in on). I didn't say anything and he then sends me a picture of an online booked train ticket from his train station to Euston which would have arrived 45 mins after my train arrived Hmm

I am not going to confront him till we see each other person but why on earth would you lie like this? I know there is nothing between him and ex but if this was innocent, you wouldn't lie like this would you? I suspect he is covering for whatever he did on the night of day 2 :( (as he would have come back from ex/dcs on day2). Should I just confront him with this or just tell him I think something is going on?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 24/05/2019 12:41
  1. Do not blame yourself. He’s the liar, not you. Be proud you dissed him out and got rid so quickly.
  2. Do not play games, it won’t be good for you and will just prolong having to interact with him.
Just end it and get on with your life.
LizzieSiddal · 24/05/2019 12:41

*sussed

managedmis · 24/05/2019 12:46

He sounds like a liar and a stupid one. Guilty too re: the train ticket.

managedmis · 24/05/2019 12:47

i am quite tempted to play him at his own game.

^

Unless there arw some incredible benefits to the relationship that you don't mention, I wouldn't bother tbh

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 12:48

Yes you're right. Sorry I've only just cottoned on to this all and I'm still in a bit of shock though the longer this goes on, the more pissed off I'm getting!

I am starting to feel relieved I've figured it all out....if he hadn't accidentally sent me that message, I would never have put 2 and 2 together and this could have gone on far longer!

sodding lol at the train ticket!

OP posts:
TheSerenDipitY · 24/05/2019 12:49

@IsolaPribby
i was thinking the same thing

starfishmummy · 24/05/2019 12:50

I think the ex isn't an ex and/or has a string of girlfriends. Have you been to his place, met his kids??

category12 · 24/05/2019 12:53

I think at this age, habitual liars are rock solid in their ways.

wonderwhat · 24/05/2019 12:54

I’m thinking his ex isn’t an ex and you are actually his bit on the side. If you know where the ex lives why don’t you just go there and ask her? Say you think he’s been lying to you and you’d be very grateful for her confirming his story. You’re going to dump him anyway so you might as well let her know the truth. That way, if he’s been playing around that poor woman can move on and you get a bit of closure.

wonderwhat · 24/05/2019 12:55

I personally wouldn’t speak to him again. Total ghost. No responses at all and number blocked. Liars can’t be trusted to ever tell you the truth anyway so the relationship is now over anyway.

wonderwhat · 24/05/2019 12:55

What Category12 said

Knewyouwerewaiting · 24/05/2019 12:56

Have you been to his actual town A place?

Does the ticket show he actually paid for it?

I wouldnt confront him as liars are quite amazing at thinking on the spot and you will be questioning yourself as he is trying to convince you.

grupple · 24/05/2019 12:56

If you hadn't accidently caught him out, you would still think you'd never been out with a liar though OP. It's a shame, but you'll probably never be quite as trusting again, like so many women who post on here and get told that they're 'paranoid'

He sounds like an extremely accomplished liar to me, he could be up to absolutely anything. Dump him with no explanation, he'll hate that.

SunniDay · 24/05/2019 12:58

hi,
Are you tempted to go and knock the door of his "ex"? Just introduce yourself and ask for a word to check that they are actually separated. She might think he simply works away. If the kids are there ask for a word in private. I'd be intrigued to know if it were me. Not for revenge or to save this relationship but for closure and so if it is the case then this poor woman gets the heads up.

Slink01 · 24/05/2019 13:00

Why dont you just ask him? Everyone on here can spout what they think has happened but the most direct route to the truth is to ask him. If you still feel he is lying then that is for you to decide whether you want that for yourself. Personally I think trust is the pillar that holds a relationship up. I have been with my wife 11 years (2 married) and I trust her absolutely but I couldn't be with someone who I couldn't trust and you do not deserve to be the victim of deceit. I hope it all boils down to some kind of misunderstanding but if not then do what YOU feel is right.

Knewyouwerewaiting · 24/05/2019 13:01

What illness was he suddenly struck down by?

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 13:01

Yes I have been to his town A place.

I agree he is very clever and he obviously doesn't think I will call him out. It is over as far as I am concerned, there is no coming back from this level of deceit and covering of tracks.

I want to do it from a position of strength so just want to give it a few days as I am still quite shocked.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 24/05/2019 13:02

I don’t mean play him at his mind games or confront him or anything. Just a simple arrive, day nothing. Hand him his belongings and never talk to him or let him contact you again.

I couldn’t end this sort of relationship without them realising I knew what was going on, I’d want to at least end with them knowing they didn’t get away with it. Ending on nothing will just give the boost to keep behaving in such a way.

Original poster
FrenchFanciesYesPlease · 24/05/2019 13:07

Didn't ask about illness and re the ticket I could see the collection code which suggests it was paid for. But the timing was ridiculous - if you were going to surprise someone, you would be there before the train got in?

I don't think there is an innocent explanation and I can think of 2/3 incidents now which were likely complete lies (just don't want to be too outing) and I suspect a lot more too.

There is a big part of me that wants to know why for closure but he is so clever and manipulative, I am a bit concerned he will come up with something partially feasible and I will let it drag on. I am not sure he has a lot of people on the go. I think he loves the drama, wants to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it and with who he fancies being with at the time whether it be me, the ex or someone else.

Since the cancelling of the lunch, he has been sending me much more loving messages and I can now see the pattern of him fucking up (lying), then overcompensating.

Will take a few days to think about it all then end it.

Thank you all, I was shocked for quite some time!

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 24/05/2019 13:08

Why not ask him if you can also spend the day with his dc doing something nice on day 2. Say your going to Town B for another reason anyway and it would be nice to meet up. You don’t have to do it and he may well want to see them on his own but his reaction may give you a clue

Nanny0gg · 24/05/2019 13:11

You didn't live together but did you stay at each others' a lot? Have you got stuff in each others' homes?

Notaprimeminister · 24/05/2019 13:24

I would end it by saying that it's just not working for me anymore and let him take a serious knock to his ego. Make him think there's something wrong with him and you're just not feeling it. I would never give him the satisfaction of an explanation. Much better to make him wonder.

But I'm evil like that... hehe.

Ginmel · 24/05/2019 13:27

^

I like that

HappilyHarridan · 24/05/2019 13:29

But...he never said he’d cancelled the Monday? So if you just assumed that Monday had been cancelled and then saw him there it doesn’t sound like he lied about it, you just made the wrong assumption?
But the train ticket thing is very odd.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 24/05/2019 13:33

it doesn’t sound like he lied about it, you just made the wrong assumption?

I do agree with this, to be honest. What is the actual lie? It does all sound shady and a bit off from his end (and probably deserves a binning), but technically what was the lie?

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