Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

Christ Cassettes I'm less than 3 years from 50, you're not making me feel any better about it with comments like that!

Mind you if that's all the criteria the over 50's have for a date I might do alright 🤣

I’m 40 and looking in the 37-50 age bracket. MrSAS was 49 (well, he still is) and very hot but I think some men can look great for 50 and some look like they’ve had a hard life! I’m sure it’s the same with women though.
I am currently chatting to a 37 year old and he seems way too young to me, even though way closer to my age than MrSAS!

@Ant, have you spoken to Miss Oz yet?

It's only natural @lifegoes to feel that way after what you went through. It's good to just get back into it as it helps distract you and you never know when you might meet someone really special. There is no guarantee's when it comes to romance, even those of us on the smitten bench are too long in the tooth well, me anyway to believe what we have will last for ever as you just don't know what life is going to throw at you. That sounds pessimistic but I am a realist, really, lol.

ant - I'm 51 and I've only dated a couple of men older than me out of approx 50 men in 2 yrs - for the reason cassettes and sunshine mention. I'm fortunate to look younger and act younger so it's not been a problem for me. MrWow is 5yrs younger and I'm comfortable with that.

I am in my early 40s and prefer men late 40s, early 50s. I can search for men in mid 40s because some ie. Not saying you do Ant.

Lie not ie

I'm 38, so my age range was roughly 35-42.

Some of those blokes who say they are 40...yeah right!

Very true @TooOldForThis67 just never know what might come, so need to just not compare them to the past

I understand why you are keeping that in mind, but he does sound like an amazing guy. I'm so happy for you. 😘

@lifegoes I've done that before Haha.

@Peanuthedz its dreadful isn't it. Like...go and take a cold shower dreadful. It's not that I'm shallow but if your attraction and desire is built up to fever and the person is someone you wouldn't think of like that AT ALL....wahhhhh

ant that’s my point really - in my book, so long as a man doesn’t look desperately unhappy in his photos in his 50s, I kind of think he’s alright when swiping. I’m certainly considering people I wouldn’t have looked twice at in my - and their - callow youth, because I’m not just considering physical attributes in photos. Don’t know if it’s the same for men re women in their 50s

Bloody hope it is though

sunshine I'm seeing her tomorrow morning

Ginmel no I'm 47 and say I'm 47 on my profiles.
I don't think having to explain you're older than you said you were is a great topic to have to broach on a 1st date. However I have heard a couple of people say that the pool of potential dates changes significantly at 55, so I can understand dropping a year or two off then.
Fortunately I think I've aged pretty well, but it doesn't mean I want to say I'm 40 and try and date women in their early 30's, but clearly plenty do. Think my age range is 40-52.

Blimey is Vwman still here.
Go away.

Who happens to be about 70 years old.

Knew you wouldn't, Ant. I only mentioned your name because didn't want you to think I was suggesting you did. Didn't work but nevermind. Hope tomorrow isn't too painful for either of you.

I signed up for badoo about 1 and a half hours ago and all I've got is horny men trying to get me to meet them, tonight ! Have I gone on the wrong type of dating app 🙈

@PeanutHedz Thank you. You haven’t posted much recently - hope the bike accident hasn’t lingered on ? I wish I could post more often in a more supportive way but I struggle to keep up and then when I do someone has covered things.

@CassettesAreCool Remember you said weren’t sure about your convictions but then yesterday you felt strangely upset when it wasn’t to be ? From that it seems like you do have the desire for something deeper...

Hello everyone!! I've just been reading this thread to get some cahoonas to sign up to OLD . This from Cassettes totally chimes for me and had me cackling. Nearly 50 - dreading negotiating this minefield!!
I find one of the pluses of looking at men in their 50s is that ‘good-looking’ is more loosely defined. ‘Doesn’t make me want to shoot myself’ is more like Any tips would be welcome. I'm really not good at this sort of thing & possibly a bit too honest

So. I'm basically at a point where I'm reassessing where I went wrong in that last relationshit. I basically ignored a bunch of red flags because I wanted to 'win' around someone who gave me big wordy emotional overtures and never followed through. Who occassionally acted without empathy or respect towards me. And on a couple of occassions made me feel genuinely shit about myself. My God if I could go back to a few weeks ago when I ended it and leave it there i would. The thing is...I knew! I knew and I kept going back for the rollercoaster because it felt like chemistry. I'm ok that hes not in my life now. what I'm not ok with is how I disregarded my own instinct and care for myself.

hairyarsed you’re right, I’ve taken the disappointment I felt yesterday as a sign that I really have got to the point of being ready for a proper relationship. This cold, hurtful heart has thawed! Licking my wounds over the weekend, back on Match on Monday, May fire up Tinder.

mummacake welcome! My advice is just go for it, don’t expect too much, don’t accept too little and ask questions here if in doubt. Good luck!

I'm off to Cyprus for a week later today so probably won't be around much (but will try and keep up where I can as this thing moves so fast!).

I stupidly hoped I might get a message from MrSAS to say have a nice holiday or something but no. Think it's break is just what I need.

@Sunshineandflipflops - Hope you have a fabulous holiday. Just what you need to recharge yourself.

Thanks @TooOldForThis67

Meeting Mr Welsh tonight, eek. He seems very friendly and not over-keen. He double-checked with me last night if we're still on for tonight, and is looking forward to asking me more details about my work.

Dead nervous, mind.