Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

@Sunshineandflipflops phone call first? Might help you make the decision that the reason hes at his parents is legit?

@Ginmel totally agree with that. A man who's anti needy or clingy suggests he doesn't want too many emotional requests (he may see it as a demand but everyone has the right to request that their needs get met or to move on) and unfortunately that's the nature of relationships

@SimonJT thanks for your advice, you are so right. I stayed with FWB last night and it was all much better and I could see he isn't using me. Or perhaps we both just enjoy the companionship. I feel like things do get lost in text and things do seem a lot easier in person.

I'm feeling guilty about my date last night, nice guy but few red flags. Holidayed with ex and his family. Lives with ex. Very little disposable income. But I'm feeling guilty for being unsure.

So I’m off on brief hol to Spain for five days 😎. Have deleted all chats and numbers of irons and FWB from phone, so will not be tempted to contact them. Except Mr Courteous, who I had a nice chat with on the phone yesterday. Match is suspended, all other accounts deleted. I’m going to do some serious thinking while I’m away.

@Eesha dont feel guilty for that. Those are serious red flags to my mind if you want a serious committed relationship

Spanish men 😍😍😍 Enjoy your holiday

"(he may see it as a demand but everyone has the right to request that their needs get met or to move on)"
Also true, supercali Should be one of the rules

Really interesting chat about neediness. The last relationship (not Mr fireman) I had he described me as needy. He was manipulative and, in the end, abusive...

Also the gut feeling. Mine is flicking one way and the other right now...

Mr fireman is still wanting to be friends and chats with me every day, suggesting doing this and that together etc, asks me how events have gone etc.

But I’ve been chatting to one guy OLD who I quite liked at first but this past weeks he’s said a few things that have made me cringe. He wants to meet today, so I said, coffee would be good and he’s got back suggesting a garden centre!!!!

We’re both mid forties!! I don’t even meet my mum in a garden centre. I think I might just call off. Was looking to be distracted from Mr Fireman but this is having the opposite effect. WWYD?

Have a great time cassettes I am also going away soon (on my own) 🙌 have snoozed my tinder and Bumble. Bored of it all so taking a break. Concentrating on the 2 irons I do have but keeping it all under my hat for now, just enjoying keeping up with the thread.

Have a great time cassettes I am also going away soon (on my own) 🙌 have snoozed my tinder and Bumble. Bored of it all so taking a break. Concentrating on the 2 irons I do have but keeping it all under my hat for now, just enjoying keeping up with the thread.

khaleesi what’s up with a garden centre? I love a garden centre?

I was chatting to a few irons, swapped numbers. Was meant to have a date tonight.

I cancelled the date, as it just lost something.

The other irons, I told them last night I wasn't interested anymore, there's just something missing for me.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this, but I'm looking for something, a spark, that excitement when you start talking - it feels good and you want to meet up etc. I've had that with others before. I just can't find it and I'm not sure If I'm looking for too much.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 and @CassettesAreCool you are both super cool to be going away on hols on your own - I'd not be able to do that anymore (wrong side of 45 and I just lack the confidence!).
@KhaleesiTargaryen I do like garden centres - off-beat for a first date but I so love tinkering around in my garden that that sort of date would relax me. I think others have gone running on first dates - this def more up my street than as an activity-based thing. Is gardening a mutual interest?

I like garden centres 😁 good place for coffee, cake and a wonder around.

Feeling a bit fed up at the moment, obviously loosing the dog has been a huge upset. I feel pretty alone right now and wish I had a partner to talk too. Mr Dog is just passing me off so I have gone back to talking to one of my other irons. I’m tempted to unhide my POF profile and look for some new irons but I’m not sure I can be doing with all the shitty messages and trialling through loads of weird profiles. Mr Dog obviously doesn’t want to fit around my life style, basically wants someone to fit around him, he couldn’t even be bothered to come and see me this week when I was feeling down about the pooch, he falls asleep before 9pm every night so hardly any texting apart from a message in the morning saying “sorry I fell asleep, hard day at work”.

Im not sure if I should give Mr Banter a try, I’m just worried he’s a bit ummm chav due to his use of the word banter and him calling me “fifty” 🤨 other than that we have a lot in common and he seems nice.

malboro and mid he did first off suggest doing our common interest but meeting in Lycra wasn’t what I had in mind. 😂 I’m quite slim but I have big boobs and I would be a bit self conscious 👀
I just thought a coffee shop (we live in a lovely city with oodles of nice places) would have been the obvious choice.

I might just go then, what’s there to lose? I think I’m feeling a bit like lifegoes though.
I’m meeting a friend for lunch so hopefully will be in better spirits later...

Aw lovemusic so sorry about your dog. I’ve just read back... a similar thing happened with mine, I’d left something on the coffee table and she ate it and just deteriorated. Took her to vet and as she was quite old they also advised against surgery so had to let her go to sleep. Hardest moment of my life. I was so devastated and felt so guilty. But eventually I realised she was just getting old and tired and in fact making a decision like that with a gradual decline in health must be so much worse. I had no choice really, it was for the best. I called the guy I was seeing (who said I was needy) in tears and he was quite sympathetic but he didn’t call or text the next 2 days to see how I was. We’d been together over a year. He said he was giving me space. He knew space is the last thing I want when I’m upset.
I think how they act in situations like this is hugely important.

You’re right to drop this one.
Hugs for your loss. Hang on to the memories of the lovely long, happy life you shared. Not all dogs are so lucky xx

Have a great holiday Marlb and Cassette - I envy you! A few days away on your own will do wonders.
Khaleesi - I think it's a great idea for a date. You can do coffee shops any time but when the weather is good it's lovely to wander around a garden centre or a park.

@Lovemusic33 sorry too to hear you're feeling down.
Re MrDog - do you think maybe he's falling asleep early as he is wiping himself out with booze? (I may have gotten him confused though with someone else though.. ).

@KhaleesiTargaryen go for it! It'll be fun :-)

Thank you Kehalesi it has been really hard and I feel really guilty knowing that she probably ate something I left lying around and I feel bad that I had to make the choice not to operate . I’m not sure if Mr Dog is just giving me space, I told him I really needed a hug which I thought was a big enough hint. I usually see him on a Sunday but he’s made no plans to see me tomorrow, I think he’s really not happy about the fact I have kids and can’t drop everything at the last minute when he wants to do something. I have offered to meet him today to go paddle boarding but I think because I have my kids with me he doesn’t want too, sadly he can’t have me to himself when ever he wants too. He seems like the type of person that could end up being controlling and not wanting to share, he doesn’t have many friends and I suspect it’s because he can’t share his time with more than one person.

mid I did consider that but I’m not sure, he lives with his parent at the moment and I can’t see that happening. He tells me he rarely drinks and I don’t think he’s lying, drink was never mentioned until the last date (the rum), it was me that suggested having a drink in the garden. But then I don’t know him that well so he could be drinking (who knows). He didn’t finish work until 7pm last night, messaged me a couple times and then fell asleep.

@Lovemusic33 honestly this man mr dog sounds like a lazy self centred oaf. You can do better and you deserve better!

@Lovemusic33 , I've said this to you before, but please wait until you find someone worth spending time with - you seem to be rushing into short term relationships with people just for the sake of it, and none of them are making you happy. Take some time out and wait until someone worthy of you comes along: someone with older children, someone who shares your goals, and someone who makes you happy. You should be enjoying the early stages of dating; if you aren't then finish with them and move on.

You're worth so much more than you're getting at the moment.

Oh definitely get rid lovemusic it will not get better!!

My ex wasn’t giving me space either - he knew - I’d also said I really need a hug the day I was at the vet. Him not calling was so I’d call him and have to ask again... I’d started to see through it by then and we split a few weeks later. I wish I’d done it much much sooner. He was a selfish, manipulative arse.

Don’t waste your precious time on this guy 💐 xx

Love I get up for work at 5 am, sometimes before, so I'm rarely awake after 9.30/10 pm. If he's working really long hours that could be why he's asleep? Not trying to make excuses for him, but that could be why. Mr BC is similarly a morning person so it works really well!

Have lovely holidays, solo-holiday makers 🌞

love bless you. Losing a pooch is awful. Mr Dog sounds a bit of an arse! Sorry

midcentury never been on hols on my own but ex is taking kids away for a week and I don’t want to be at home alone worrying about them so thought feck it!