Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

@Lillyrose19 that makes sense. I think only you know what's best, it's hard to give advice as you are in it. I'd worry you will get hurt the more you continue. But then the thought of what if, could haunt you. 😘

@lifegoes I know 😫 this adult dating is bloody hard!! To be fair last week when we had a chat I thought it was over and I really hurt so I think I'm going to hurt regardless. I overthink absolutely everything which really doesn't help me out at all.

You guys on this thread are lovely and it's so nice having advice given to me.

Lily rose- I’d say go out. It is supposed to be fun at this stage not intense. I fell into the staying in thing due to kids and it becomes like a new marriage. Don’t settle. I think this is a common feeling sadly.
I’m meeting mr races for date 5/6 today. Just brunch. Seems odd a day date with no dtd. Worry it’s the dtd I’m into as is so good 🤦🏻‍♀️ I rang the estate agent too eek!!

Cassandra- welcome to the whirlwind that is OLD. We will be here to try and hold you down 😂

cassandra wow speedy work!

lillyrose19 it is bloody hard work. I have a similar thing going on. Will hurt me to end it but hurt to keep going. Also don’t really have masses of time to commit to a proper relationship. Adulting is bloody hard

Remember the rules ladies.

Cassandra it sounds amazing but you do need to keep your wits about you - especially so soon after separating, everything about you is vulnerable. Keep posting.

It's so hard to not over invest but I do agree with @CassettesAreCool keep posting on here

I cancelled my date yesterday as he started to get too flirty. I mentioned I was cleaning my house and then he sent some messages about French maid outfits and he would be over in 10 minutes. I know he was just messing but made me think it was all about sex.
Have another iron I've been chatting to for a good week but he hints at meeting but never asks . I even said let me know when you're free and he said he would but he just messages again saying hows your day going. I'm sick of it. Feel like blocking him!
Got the village music festival next weekend and like last year,looks like I will be single. Will just have to get pissed and dance.maybe mingle and be on the look out for someone local🤞

@kerkyra I get really fed up with those 'how is your day going' messages. I know that sometimes I find myself doing the same, but it usually means that the conversation is going nowhere. I also stop contact with guys I haven't met who are overly sexual in their messages. It feels a bit sleazy to me.

Cassandra it is so easy to get carried away after a good date, but as others have said do keep your wits about you as the 'high' can fade very quickly. I had a great first date with a guy recently (fuelled by a few glasses of wine) and then on the second date he revealed himself to be a Tory with some rather borderline racist views. He certainly fell off his pedestal with a resounding thud!

@kerkyra I've been experiencing the same and I've started getting quite ruthless. Told a guy this morning...

"if you are looking for instant sex, you are barking up the wrong tree here. I can make myself cum, what I'm looking for, is a man that can stimulate my mind not just my clit"

I've then removed a full length picture of myself. As I feel it's giving the wrong impression, not sure how. But it's all I'm getting at the moment.

Which is also putting me off a lot of other men I'm speaking to.

That's brutal lifegoes but well said indeed. I really do think some men believe that women can only orgasm with a dick - ideally, their dick - inside them.

My lovely Mr Courteous is not letting me go easily (I can't meet him before I go away, and anyway he already has a date lined up for while I'm away), which part of me is flattered by, part of me is insulted by on behalf of his date, and part of my thinks Christ, how desperate is he? BUT, no sex talk at all. First time ever.

@CassettesAreCool it's getting to a point where 80% of the men I start chatting to start going in with sex within 24 hours.

I'm just not tolerating it

I'm loving my new policy of suspending my Match account as soon as I'm asked for a date and we move to WA. Just feels so much clearer, even if it looks weird to the iron (I explain what I'm doing and why, they can make of that what they will). Basically, I just don't have the brain capacity any more for multiple chatting! So long as the first date is quick, there's no chance of over-investing. So I think it's working for my peace of mind at least.

Look at us with our boundaries in place lifegoes!

lifegoes do the men disappear after reading that or are some apologetic and calm down?
Are they commenting on the full length pic? It is really hard work,I know.

@kerkyra the last one said I had him wrong he just wanted to give me a naked massage 👀

A one previously said he's dick was obv too big for me.

They mention my legs (as they are long) and I'm in a skirt. I'm baffled as to why that means I want sex that night. But I'd rather remove it and see if it makes a difference

@CassettesAreCool I'm quite proud of myself. A few months ago, I might have played a long to see where it took me. 😳

lifegoes I'm not trying to be offensive but do you meet some kind of stereotype that attracts men like that - like blonde or big boobs.I'm really shocked that you have been so unlucky with men as that hasn't been my experience at all. Possibly because my profile photo isn't that attractive?

Also I wonder if these approaches are ever successful because why do they keep doing it? Having said that I tolerated some sex talk from one of my irons but we also talked a lot about art and history and some quite intelligent stuff too.

@CassettesAreCool I've done the same shutdown. It's brilliant for quelling any anxious thoughts. @lifegoes Only hilarious ironic sex talk with my date, related to the totally unsexy direction the convo had taken Really looking forward to the next date at the weekend @Cassandra You just have to go with the flow. As a bloke I feel quite awkward in coming on strong early on for fear of (a) getting it wrong and having to let someone down or (b) scaring them off. I have to look out for myself too and make sure I am not totally wearing the rose tinted specs.

It'd be good if photofeelr had more options - like....'Interested mainly in sex with this person' etc...ya know? Because at the mo you might see it says you're attractive or smart, but there's nothing to indicate if they take you seriously as a person or just a sex object

@HairyArsedMan Glad to hear your dating life is going well!

I suppose it depends on how attractive someone is in their pics and the sort of pic? If someone is bending down so cleavage is on show,or wearing a short skirt then maybe men are thinking with their dicks.
I've only ever had one sexual message but to be honest I'm not all that anymore and my pics are all covered up and I've discovered not everyone's cup of tea!! I've never taken a selfie as I still have an old Nokia and I'm not going to dress up sexy as I am a housekeeper/ nanny in real life and I live in joggers.
Sometimes I think I should stick some glam pics up as I look good when I go out,but if I meet someone I want them to like me in my every day look