Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

Had to say goodbye to my pooch this morning
It wasn’t Mr Dogs fault, she had pancreitis which could have been caused by being fed the burger but she also had a blockage in her bowel, vet said she thinks they were separate issues. She was too old to put through surgery. Mr Dog is obviously feeling guilty but I don’t blame him for what happened, he keeps messaging me and checking I’m ok and tried to call me (but I’m in no fit state to talk to anyone).

Hello all. Longtime lurker, first time poster here. I've been quietly following you all for the last few threads now and feel like I'm 'getting to know you' all better than certain other people in my life so wanted to say hi!

I'm dating - I'm F, 37, with 2 children, living in Southern England. Been seeing a guy I met on PoF for 2 months now, but think things have got too much - mainly for him but subsequently me.

All was going well, and we'd fallen into an easy routine of me going to his when I was child free. But I think that was the start of our downfall - it was all too easy; comfortable and couple-y when both of our intentions were 'wants to date but nothing serious'. I made a comment on Monday morning that he suddenly seemed 'untactile'. He laughed and initially asked if it was even a word, but he got my point and said that 'Things were just a bit too much at the moment'. Since then I've given him space other than an quick email explaining that I got where he was coming from and that I thought perhaps we needed to take a step back, but I've not heard a peep from him. I don't feel ghosted; I genuinely think he wants breathing space, but I'm finding it hard and am trying desperately hard to sit on my hands and step away from whatsapp!

Any words of wisdom, ladies and gents?!

@Jesuispriest, nope not heard from him at all yesterday nor today, I'm not holding my breath. It''s okay, when he comes crawling back around like they all do, he'll be told he missed the boat and that I've met someone who doesn't play games (I haven't but hey he doesn't need to know that lol). I gave myself a wobble, joined a local dating site and am speaking to 2 new irons. I keep having to remind myself that I'm only 7 months in and I'm going to have to kiss a helluva lot of frogs before I find the one. It;s just anotehr learning experience that even though they seem to be attentive and giving 110%, it's still all BS until it isn't. Onwards and upwards! :)

@JeSuisPrest - he’s got the message already😂 just don’t understand why he would ever think there would be a different outcome - almost looked like different people, and SO boring!! I’m in my 50’s, and looking for someone of a similar age - men on match don’t seem to age well. I’ve been wondering about dipping my toe into POF or Tinder but they seem so brutal - is one gentler than the other?

@Lovemusic33 - I'm so sorry to hear this. You must be devastated. Sending ((((hugs)))). Very rational of you not to blame MrDog, it would be so easy to do that.
@Walkunafraid - I'm assuming you went from wanting fun to wanting something serious? Or would you be happy to continue things as they were after a bit of a breather for both of you?
@scotgal2017 - you have the right attitude and fingers crossed you'll find someone soon.

@Lovemusic33 So sorry for your loss, I know exactly what you're going through after I lost my 16 yr old boy. Take time, scream, cry and be kind to yourself. It's so heartbreaking I wish I could give you a hug xx

@lovemusic33 sorry I meants to say in my post sorry to hear about your dog

@TooOldForThis67 I think it's caught me out. I wasn't expecting to find someone I wanted to be that 'comfortable' with and neither was he. I'm not adverse to something more serious in time, but I certainly don't want to push him into it. Something lighthearted, but exclusive suits me right now; living in each others pockets is a little way off though...

@lovemusic33 - Sending love. That's sad news. X

Love I am so sorry for your loss.

I’m off to disney paris with my son and FWB tomorrow to see him perform on saturday, so if I don’t get on I hope everyone has a good weekend and some fab dates.

So sorry Love, so much love is tied up in an old dog friend like yours, I had been hoping for a happy outcome for you but I guess when it's their time, that's it. But I bet she had a wonderful life with you

WalkUnafraid it's good that you both recognise that you're not ready for what it had so quickly become.

Lovemusic sorry to hear about your pooch, as a fellow dog owner I've been there so know how upsetting it is. Big hugs

@Lovemusic33 so sorry to hear about your dog. .

Supercali I have tried Meetup but found that local groups were either full of women who had known each other for ages or had too many predatory men! I will have another look though in case something catches my eye. Maybe a film club or something.

lovemusic I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely dog. Sending you big hugs. Xxx

love that is such sad news. I'm so sorry x hope your girls are coping

@SimonJT - he's performing at Disneyland? What a thrill! Have a great time.

So sorry, love. 😢

@TooOldForThis67 yes, so a free trip for me, got to love a bargain!!

So sorry to hear about your do love sending hugs to you.
cassettes 😂 re old iron sniffing around and being miffed at being asked to give feedback on your profile
simon enjoy DLP.
Randomly another old iron who was a potential fwb but who I had to let down after spending just once night with him a few months back (because I'd met bf who I wanted a chance at a proper relationship with) contacted me to ask how I was and how my relationship was going. Has been a week for old irons getting back in touch. I guess it's a good sight I must have made an impression - even if they were unsuitable/flakey etc.
Not at all interested in anyone else. Hoping me and bf will go the distance - have had a few wobbles but due to circumstances not the person if that makes sense.

lovemusic so very sorry. Hope you and your girls are ok

Love- hugs. The absolute worst thing
I’m in a panic as landlord rang to say he’s selling so I need big girl pants and need to buy. Know it’s the push I needed bug anxiety peaking

@ccgirr I'll hold your hand but it may be a little sweaty, myself being the Queen of Anxiety with a Healthy Dollop of Procrastination thrown in as well just to really make things interesting...

Make a list, even the tiniest thing, like call Estate Agent - break that down again - list the Agents and their phone numbers. Then set a time to sit down and do it. Then set an alarm in your phone to actually do it. Lists, deep breathing and wine always work for me.

@CocKoko123 - so glad to hear things have improved, you had us all worried!
@ccgirr - sometimes it's good to have a push, it's out of your hands. It could be an exciting time, new house, new start.

Oh love I'm so sorry for your loss.

ccgirr I agree with JeSuis - for me an actual physical pen and paper list with the tiniest steps on it really helps. I'm moving soon and am feeling a bit overwhelmed, so currently have a Big List and several smaller lists to help me through