Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

@CassettesAreCool GlassesAreCool! I am a contact lens wearer for sport, the occasional release from spec ache and vanity. At my age everyone I've met has been carrying some specs stashed away. It was never an issue on a profile for me.

@CassettesAreCool Some guys absolutely love a woman in glasses - I had one iron who was very keen for me to wear my specs whilst we DTD I'd go so far as to say it was a bit of a fetish for him. He always got very hot under the collar if I put my specs on and peered over them - I think it was a bit of a naughty secretary fantasy. Then he told me he also thought Amber Rudd was hot as hell...I wasn't quite sure how to respond

How long does it take to get any votes!!!

@JeSuisPrest fun and games until they say absolutely the wrong thing!

Thanks, I didn't actually think that glasses were a problem (they haven't been to any of the guys I've dated) but I thought I would check. This is fascinating stuff!

On Match last night I was messaging the first guy I DTD with post-divorce. I thought he had found love but sadly not so he is back on. Would it be bad form if I asked him for his feedback on my revised profile do you think?

@CassettesAreCool If you 2 are texting and it's just freindly e.g. no signs on either side of it leading to romance why not?

hairy great news on the date 🤞 for you
love so sorry to hear about your dog - hope she recovers and can't believe that happened in addition to the rum on the date!
30 hugs to you
Interesting to hear about this photofeeler thing.
For poster who asked - firstly thanks for asking after me.All ok here-will update when I get a chance.x

I've just had a cheeky swipe on Bumble while I'm out in Cyprus and I think I might stay

2 photos on photo feeler. First from last weekend scored 4.2 for attractiveness ☹️. One taken 11 months ago...8.5! Haha divorce has had an impact then!

PrettyPretty it was me you messaged. I tried sending you a reply last night but this site was sending up scary error messages so I gave up! I was on a dating site through The Stage newspaper, and it also covered Classic FM, The Times, Telegraph etc. It's The Dating Lab, or TDL. I had a couple of dates off there, but really I was still coming across men who throw strops when you don't dance to their tune, ghosters, and one I dated for six weeks who messed me about and was probably only trying to get me into bed (we only met for three of those six weeks). No better than any other site for me. Maybe it's me? 🤣🤣🤣

"I won't notice it sitting down in pub" This made me laugh @kerkyra

I've not done the photo feeler I'm scared I will be knocked by it.

Please can I join I'm in a right old pickle I've been casually seeing someone I have a professional relationship with. His job and my life mean we very rarely see each other outside of work. I knew it was only casual but caught feels and now I need to get them out and move on and it's bloody awful

life he has decided he wants to feel a connection before we meet. Is bombarding me with questions. I've already said I dont txt much before a date. Feeling frustrated as got dressed up! Think he's just mucking me about now and has no intention of meeting 😐

Well the results are in and Cassettes is one unattractive fucker it appears - 4.7 was my maximum attractiveness score of the three photos. Pfft, that's not what the guys I've dated have thought, or what I think, so I'm not really bothered. I know I look a lot better in real life anyway and I give good messaging.

But of course for OLD profiles photos are very important. So some thoughts on profile photos thanks to Photofeeler:

• don't wear a hat if you want to be thought trustworthy or smart
• include colour if you want to make an impact
• think carefully about the background (distracting) and pose (apparently these can be outdated, don't know what that means)
• smile
• don't include food or drink (distracting)

Cassettes,that's awful. At least you can take it with a pinch of salt.

Can you imagine people with zero confidence trying it out and getting low scores

@kerkyra well that's a bit strange. Wouldn't it be better to see if that connection is there in real life?

I did say that but then felt like I was coming across as desperate. Just chatting now but seems he has his kids the weekends I am free.
Maybe a blessing as I'm over 5'10 and he is 5 foot 6 😃😃

It's OK kerkyra, I can cope! But yes, cold hard data is a bit brutal and I think Photofeeler may not be for everyone. I like the fact I look smart and trustworthy

I think Photofeeler really does prove the rule that most people look a lot better in real life than in photos(as long as the photos are recent...) I put up 2 photos one got 4.9 average and the other 8.3. The difference is I'm smiling in one and not the other 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think people (men and women) find it really hard to get a good photograph of themselves with a genuine smile that doesn't look fake or forced, but as my experiment proves it improved my "attractiveness" to others enormously. We've said it ourselves how much we like seeing a lovely smile in a photo.

It also comes down to opinion. What I might like in a photo, you may not. So therefore the people selecting mean nothing. As we might not like theirs either 😂

I do think it's really important that you like your own photos, because then you are being authentically you albeit ideally the best version of you. There is no way I could put up a photo of me airbrushed and made up and coiffured, because that's not me. It would be misrepresentation.

Having said that, I will consider getting my friend to take some sunny, colourful shots of me against the sea next week in Spain, smiling but without a hat, no glass in my hand and definitely no sushi in front of me!

nestofswipers ooh that’s disappointing re Classic FM, I was thinking of perhaps trying it sometime in the future.

I’m in my late 50s and have just had braces put on so I decided not to try any dating until my treatment is completed as I feel terrible with them in. Sod’s law I was all hot and sweaty in the gym and this man came over to chat to me. To cut a long story short I went on a date with him at the weekend. I’m not sure how I feel about him but I really enjoyed his company so we’ll see

Ah @CassettesAreCool they sound like great photos! I think it's more important to get a range which shows you as you are. And on occasions when you are happy. And if they involve wine and sushi so be it.

Mine are/were mainly selfies. A couple of full length ones in my sportswear. One with lipstick. One sitting outside a pub. It's impossible to get decent photos. The irony is that since my marriage broke up I've been involved with 3 professional photographers!