Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

@HairyArsedMan thanks, I needed to hear that. The date on Saturday was quite possibly the best I've ever had in my life. He met me on the train and first thing he did was hand me a can of gin. He'd asked what my tipple was ages before.

I've played it cool on the messaging front and we do the normal night x and morning x. He always put kisses on his messages which is really nice.

Am trying my hardest not to become over-invested but Christ it's hard!

Haven't read the full thread and am going to do that now

What a rubbish day.

When Mr Dog came over we had a bbq (Sunday), he dropped a burger off the BBQ and allowed my elderly pooch to eat it, he also fed her some bacon. I was woken up this morning by a poorly dog, vomiting and in obvious pain. She’s now at the vets and is very poorly 😢. Mr Dog obviously feels very guilty and is offering to pay towards the vet bill. My pooch is having a few more tests but vet suspects it’s been caused by eating food she’s not used too (fatty food).

A great story for him to tell in the future, how he went over someone’s house on a date and killed their dog (yes, my dog is that ill).

Lovemusic I’m so very sorry about your dog and hope she recovers x

Love music omg I’m so sorry I’m sure you’re devastated. I really hope she’s okay. That date has gone from bad to worse and his name too x

@lilyrose88 I'm a bit like you I rarely fancy anyone on old but date them because I see potential and hope it will grow yet in real life I do see plenty of attractive men. That's why even though I suspect Mr Runner is some kind of player it was so rare to be attracted to someone I don't want to let go. Having said that I have had some nice texts from him today about our next date so maybe I'm wrong.

@shitsithsugaron I'm sorry to hear that yesterday ended badly, I am guessing has had to 'tread on eggshells' in previous relationships and is less tolerant. Assuming you were hormonal (and he isn't just exaggerating) all you can do is apologise. As one of the thread members on the smitten bench I think the rest of us are rooting for your happiness with Mr B.

@hairyarsedman what can I say? About bloody time! You are such a nice guy I am baffled that you have not been snapped up by now. I hope it works out with - not sure if you have given her a name so I am going to call her - Ms Lucky.

@lovemusic33 I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I hope she makes a recovery.

Great to read the happy date stories.

love fingers crossed for your ddog.

On the attractiveness front, I rate confidence and intelligence over a lot of physical attributes. Not all though...

Love everything is crossed for your dog, and for you

Oh lovemusic I hope your dog is OK. 🤞❤️

shit were you not going to see Mr bookworm for a while and insecurity crept in? I've been there with the ex I was with for a year. We had had a lovely day in Warwick but I found myself getting moody on the journey home,knowing it was going to be a week.

I think I could be quite hard work as a girlfriend

Well,village man certainly wasn't good looking with his thinning strawberry blonde hair and the fact he'd lost four stone with stress,so his face was quite wrinkly. And Mr garden gate may have been in his youth but not now in his sixties. I will stick with Mr average.
My mother used to tell me ' be the adored.....dont be the one doing all the adoring.
I cant even find one who wants me to adore though!!
Hope your dog is ok love,I'm sure he didn't realize but really should have checked if your dog could have it. Will you see him again due to his drinking etc

@shitwithsugaron you are in my nightmare scenario. When I split up with my ex we read 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' that discusses the different stages of relationships and where they go wrong. I remember being in floods of tears reading about communications and resolving arguments and neither of us did that so from his perspective resentment built up. It sounds like you are honest with each and assertive (which I never was) so I hope you work it out.

Lovemusic Fingers crossed for your pooch , how worrying for you. I bet Mr Dog does feel awful about it.

@lifegoes great to hear about your new iron and date lined up already - definitely the way to go - meet 'em quick so you don't get over invested with weeks of messaging - I remember one of my first irons I messaged for about 3 weeks before we met. On screen he was my ideal man. In person - not so much

@scotgal2017 Has there been any contact from your iron? I wouldn't read too much into him being free today but not arranging anything with you - he could have had something else arranged, not necessarily a date with someone else, more life admin stuff? Plumber/car MOT/docs appt etc.

@CassettesAreCool I never think men use particularly good photos on profiles, so if the messaging is good, even if I thought they were a bit "meh" in their photos I still met them. The only ones I didn't fancy in real life were ones that had used very old photos (i.e. bald now and full head of hair in profile pics, or at least 10 years out of date ). I just looked at the 8 men I've dated in 6 months and 5 of them were what I would consider good looking (to me at least), but all of them had awful photos - I wouldn't have rated them more than 6/10 based on photos alone however they all had a personality type and body that really did it for me, so I was probably biased by the time I met them based on phone calls/messaging to give them more of a chance than if I was meeting them cold when I would have said "no" based on just looks . Disclaimer: They all did meet a minimum criteria before we met though (height/decent hair/nice teeth/manly hands ).

Ha ha I've just looked at the ones I've favourited on Match (not that it's done me any good!) and every single one is smiling in his profile picture. Apparently that's all this hard old heart needs - give us a smile, darling!

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I should know later this afternoon if I can bring her home, she’s a old girl anyway so it may be the end for her . Mr Dog is feeling very guilty, obviously he loves dogs and is a dog owner himself, I’m sure he wouldn’t have let her eat it if he knew it would make her poorly.

love I hope your dog will be okay. The more you write about Mr Dog, the more I'm not liking the sound of him 😕

Love I really hope your dog recovers.

Shitwith communication is so important and I hope that you resolve matters.

JeSuis I have made lots of allowances for the fact that men can sometimes use bad photos on their OLD profiles but I have only met one guy who looked better in real life than his profile pic, and I ended up dating him for nearly 4 months. I am beginning to wonder whether I am over-estimating my own attractiveness (not least because I tried on a dress in a well known high street store at lunchtime and my goodness I looked hideous in their fitting room mirrors.). Maybe I am a fat old woman and should be grateful that fat balding men show some interest in me, rather than being all superior and thinking I deserve better.

shitwithsugaron sounds like you're in good place then for a relationship.

I think if I ever get into another relationship I will have a pile of self help books on my bedside table telling me how to communicate and particularly deal with conflicts because I think it's my relationship Achilles heal.

Love I really hope your old girl is going to be ok.

So remember my Mr Eagle, the more-married-than-I-would-like iron? Well we’ve spent a bit more time together (he actually stayed over Friday night) and I’m becoming a little bit smitten. He’s ticking so many boxes, he’s communicative, he’s honest, he’s kind, he’s considerate, he’s funny, he’s just lovely.

We’ve talked very openly and honestly about his “situation” and I feel a lot more comfortable now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

@LilyRose88 just trying on an unflattering dress doesn't make you the worst looking person in the world. We have all been there but I find women are definitely always the fairer sex purely because most tend to try and make the most of themselves. However women also tend to be the most self critical. Just keep being positive and believing in your own self worth.

@LilyRose88 I'm sure that's not the case at all! Keep your sights high and never feel like you're settling for second best - someone out there will make your heart skip a beat, just like happened for HairyArsed and several of us that are on the smitten bench at the moment. I know I've mentioned it before, but I used this website for some unbiased opinions on my own photos Photofeeler. My average rating was something like 5.5/10 which stung a bit as I would say I'm a good 6-7 with a following wind and kind lighting!

@JeSuisPrest would love to try photofeeler but never had the balls!!! Who is rating you?

Hi everyone.

No chance of me catching up with everything I've missed. I needed a break from here, life has been absolutely shit what with MrFox closely followed by stbxh/divorce issues etc my self esteem feels at an all time low. I'm back on tinder but I'm not really feeling it to be honest.