Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

cassettes and kerkya - but you have to think - are you going to find them attractive in a few yrs time?

God knows what the next few years will hold tooold, I absolutely dread to think! But I do know that attraction has to be based on more than appearance to last: love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. So warmth and kindness and humour and passion have got to count for more than looks

cassettes - yes, looks alone won't do it, totally agree. My level is 'what would my Mum think', lol. My Mum would want me to be with someone who was kind, loving, worked hard, strong family values, respected and supported me, from a similar background and yes, she would expect a certain level of attractiveness!

MrWow was a cocky little teenager when I first met him (we worked together over 25 yrs ago) and I didn't give him a second thought. It's so funny now that we are an item, looking back at that time. Even if we eventually part ways, I'll always treasure this time together. God I'm getting sentimental!

Haha, I'm the only one still up!

cassettes - Shakespeare - I find that kind of love is quite blind. It's a nice sentiment but not realistic, to me personally. Maybe I'm shallow, don't know. I'm still finding out a lot about myself, some good, some not so. Don't know what I'm trying to say and should probably go to bed, lol.

Oh my god. I just had a brilliant date last night ! I saw it coming to a certain extent with the messaging also being brilliant - but didn't expect it to turn out so so well. Blimey, wow and blimey again! There is hope @kerkyra and others who are feeling despondent.

@kermitrulesok it's really natural to have this going on in your head when things go so well, against a backdrop of things having gone not so well. It's when you see all the possibilities and want to hurry them along. Better to trust it will work itself out, I feel.

@shitwithsugaron Phew I got a bit worried that the Curse of Ikea had struck!

@HairyArsedMan great news, why was it brilliant? I have a date planned with Mr HopefullyNotADrunk and our messaging is brilliant so hoping it translates like yours has!

Eesha that is a scary name is that the non drinker?

Hairy- yay! Spill..

@HairyArsedMan Fantastic news!
@JeSuisPrest Sounds like things are going really well, I'm super happy for you

I am still in Cyprus but matched wire a guy on Bumble just before I came out, I'll
Call him MrArt, and we have been messaging while I've been out here. I was going to have a week's break but felt bad matching and not messaging. He seems really nice and keen and wants to go out when I get back but this means a lot of messaging to and fro in the mean time to keep things flowing! I know this is breaking the dating rules but not sure what else to do!

He is also 3 years younger then me, which is a new one for me and MrSAS was 9 years older. He has no kids so not sure what he's doing chatting to a 40 year old mum of two but he says he was in a relationship previously with someone who had kids.

I guess totally going against what I would usually go for (older, with kids) but that hasn't got me too far so far!

@ccgirr it's the guy who put 'frequently' on the drink option on a dating site. I delved deeper and he said it wasn't a big thing but given my ex is an alcoholic, I'm keeping my wits about me just in case....

@Eesha @ccgirr The messaging connection was as strong in real life, and my heart totally skipped a beat on first sight. Really don't want to say much more as still processing but the snogging was something else

Eesha - I so get you. It needs to be a happy medium.
Hairy- that’s amazing. Such a fab feeling

@HairyArsedMan that sounds lovely, hope things work out. I would absolutely love a date to say that about me!!

@HairyArsedMan The thought of making a man's heart skipping a beat on first sight made me squeeeeeeee! I'm keeping everything crossed for you for this one.

@Sunshineandflipflops Don't rule out younger and no kids. Go with the flow. MrC is 5 years younger than me with no kids 39/44. I've always done same age or a bit older with kids. He's happy to set things at my pace as far as meet ups are concerned as I'm the one with immovable commitments and go with the flow, but we do message and talk on the phone a lot so even if we go a week between dates, we've still got the communication going in between which is absolutely essential to keep the connection imo.

@Nowthefunbegins So pleased you've got a date lined up, you really deserve something good after your shitty breakup.

@shitwithsugaron Yeah, please don't do that again - my heart was in my mouth when I started reading your post...

@LooUpdate why are you turning up to your dates stressed and sweating because you don't drive? Sometimes I get a bus or train somewhere because I don't want the hassle of driving to a place I don't know well and trying to find parking/want to have a drink etc. Being fairly rural everyone I know drives, but it would be a bit of a turn off if a bloke couldn't drive - even if he didn't have a car being able to drive and have a current licence is a useful life skill to have and I'd hate it if all the driving fell to me.

Oooh Hairy that sounds good ...

My heart skipped a beat there hairy and I’m trying not to get over invested, but sounds wonderful.

tooold I know what you mean and I try not to get too carried away by the sonnets but I’ve seen it happen. My parents fell in love at first sight (obvs I didn’t see that!) and loved each other passionately for 58 years. DM became an invalid after 25 years and DF cared for her for the next 33. He was still in love with her, even when she lost so many of her amazing characteristics such as her energy and sportiness. I don’t even think that kind of love is that rare. I’m not saying it’s what I expect to find now for myself of course, but I’m not ruling it out by focusing much on looks - they fade.

Good luck on the date lifegoes you are definitely overdue a good one.

Oh hairy. I'd love a man to feel that way about me on a date.

jesuis sounds like a lovely weekend. I'm envious of how easy things are with you and Mr C. But also so happy for you. You give those of us struggling hope.

kerkrya and casettes I always rule out the very good looking ones. I look for something I find attractive - nice eyes, a kind smile. Looks definitely fade so whilst an initial attraction is important, the connection needs to be built on stronger foundations.

Good luck on your date eesha

How are things sunshine coko 30something*?

@Notcoolmum I'll fuck it up somehow in classic JeSuis style soon, I'm sure of that 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hairy - Fabulous news and so romantic!
shitwith - Why were you a cow? Was it anything he'd done in particular or just hormones? Be careful how you tread with him as I find anyone bringing up the 'I don't want to walk on eggshells' puts you at a disadvantage, watching your behaviour all the time. Hopefully it's something you can rationally explain and he'll understand and forget it.

Thank you @Notcoolmum we'll see what happens.

@shitwithsugaron I agree with tooold this will now shift to you feeling like you are walking on egg shells. So try and just brush it off and be yourself x

Hahaha @JeSuisPrest you won't.

Hairy so pleased that your date went well.

JeSuis it sounds like your weekend with MrC was lovely.

Kerkyra and Cassettes I struggle to find anyone on OLD who I find really attractive in my age bracket or above, but I am older than most of you on here. I have dialled back my expectations considerably but that has resulted in me meeting guys who I really don't fancy, which is not fair on them and a bit soul destroying for me. I did have a bit of chemistry with my last iron (Mr Tory) on the first date but I think that was the wine talking because on the second date even before he started talking politics I was looking at him thinking that I could not imagine dtd with him. I do see guys in real life that I find attractive so maybe I am just very unlucky on POF and Tinder. Actually the guys on Tinder are usually better looking in my age bracket, so maybe I should stop looking at POF as it is just depressing me.

I went to a really good comedy show at a Comedy Fringe event on Sunday evening and it was lovely to laugh out loud at something and have a good evening out. I went on my own but didn't feel awkward at all, so maybe I need to do a bit more of that sort of thing. I tried Meetup a couple of years ago, but the groups I joined were either mostly women who had known each other for ages, or had too many predatory men.