Dating thread 160: fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with

[CassettesAreCool]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

15/05/2019 19:56

Oh sorry bumble, that came about a bit harsh. The marking is getting to me! In your shoes I think I would mention it early on when you meet up tonight. The longer you leave it, the more difficult it will be. Sorry again. Good luck and enjoy your date.

bumbles I don't know how old you are but most women my age tend to have kids and most men assumed that I did without me saying anything. Don't see the kids as baggage :), they are just part of life!

Thanks, you're probably right tho!

I think this just proves I might not be ready for OLD. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks Daffo. I'll try not to be so negative about it!

I'm supposed to be seeing MrF this weekend, finally, for the chat. We have set the day but not the time. Have asked him to let me know what time he thinks he can make it - nothing other than the fact that he's looking forward to seeing me.

I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to bail. I suppose at least if he does I know where I stand but I really would like to be grown up about this and just sort things out amicably.

bumble I look back to my early days and I was hopeless on OLD. Honestly practice makes perfect so just get out there and try! Now I'm a cynical old hag and it's far easier ;) x

Ah I look forward to becoming more cynical then!

Cassettes, ive asked her if she can make more time than twice a month. For me that is not often enough to get to know somebody. Wouldnt you agree?

Its a washout rainy night here, but i dont like not having anyone new to banter with by text. How do you get through it?

@Ash559 just keep on OLD. You need to keep looking

Well that was fucking horrible!
It came as a complete shock to her and she admitted she was gutted. She told me I was wrong and that I will regret it, and then said thanks for having the decency to do it in person and told me to leave.
I've had a WA message since I left asking me if I'm absolutely sure, which I've just replied to saying sorry but yes.
I'll happily take the criticism but I didn't bring up the racism, she was upset enough already!
I won't be diving back onto the apps as I feel like a massive c* at the moment.

ant 💐 being the dumper is horrible but you had your reasons and you did the decent thing. Most men, it feels sometimes, would just have ghosted.

ant I understand how you are feeling.. hurting another is never easy BUT I’ve been following this thread for months and you are not a c**t . I have only seen you to be loving, wise and respectful. Enforcing boundaries is hard but you will find your one. Sending hugs 🌸

I agree @Ant330 I have a lot of respect you. Most men would just ghost. It's awful being the one to end things, as you know you've hurt someone. But you did the right thing

@Ant330 nope not a c in the least. You did something courageous and horrible. I've finished with everyone so far by text. To be fair none were more than 3 weeks max. But well done. That took balls. And respect and I'm slightly in awe

@bullyingadvice2017 there is no such thing as a naughty 3 year old. A kid is a kid. S/he may have some behavioural traits which aren't great but FFS. Who knows what the genetic make-up of that child is, what's happened in the home previously, what happened that day!!!
You sound like Gina Ford!

(Sorry for my rant).

Still no pro-active dating on my part but my last Iron (who I told I was going to put a hold on dating until I've sorted a few things out re work) messaged today. He was so sweet. I'd explained about work and DD issues - but he asked to meet for a coffee and I've said yes. 

I'm going for a weeks' hol on Monday with a bunch of families. Apparently there is a single Dad going in our group who've I've not me with his 2 kids - and there is a bit of WhatsApp giggling going on about us getting together. It's slightly making me less relaxed about the hol?! 

@Ant330 don't feel shit - if you've behaved as a gentleman you've done nothing wrong, although I know it's so heart-breaking knowing you've hurt someone else x

Well done ant. You have always come across well in here. I do feel sorry for Miss Oz as she will be gutted if you are as nice as you seem. And I'm waiting to be dumped myself. But I do know it's coming so I won't be clueless.

But the racist thing makes me not as sorry for her as I would have been. And you are no more blame for your feelings as she is hers. You didn't drag it on and ended things face to face. 👍🍷

@ant330 you did the right thing And doing it face to face is best too.

Earlier ant talked about a rollercoaster of overthinking and insecurities caused by online dating.

I've been going through a huge battle of insecurities and overthinking myself as Mr Runner has been enthusiastically messaging and calling me and I wondered if he was lovebombing me or some kind of player.

When I met him last saturday there was an immediate attraction and we snogged and got very frisky in a bar. So for our second date today I could hardly keep my hands off him. We dtd and I am happy to say my mumtum is not too bad in the sex positions we tried and I feel so much less anxious about my naked body than I did.

He was - as usual - very enthusiastic and has gone home and just asked if I can see him again but I can see he's still on apps and whatsapp all the time so I still don't feel I trust him.

I guess I'll carry on chatting to my two other irons and report back on what happens

Totally lost the thread, it moves so fast and my life’s been moving so slow 🤣. Been taking things slow with Mr Dog, it’s pretty relaxed but I still have worries about his lack of understanding of me having kids (kids that never stay at their dads for a night), he keeps dropping hints of going away for a night and it’s just making me frustrated, I have explained the situation and it’s pretty much out of my hands, their dad only has them for one day a week and can’t have them overnight, my kids have special needs and their dad just can’t deal with it (which is why we split). Mr Dog doesn’t have kids so obviously he’s free to do what he likes when he likes. Anyway, he is coming over tomorrow night, he will meet my dc’s when they get back from their dads, I am worried that he will run a mile but on the other hand it’s best to know now rather than in a few months time when I have over invested. If he does a runner then he’s obviously not worth it.

Stood me up.

Probably for the best, really.

Oh no @bumblebrambles did he have the decency to cancel it or just not turn up?

Just didn't show! No answer to my message, but saw it. He's blocked.

I did check out a club with live music which was cool, but not really the same on your own.

On my way home now.

@bumblebrambles what an absolute knob. So sorry you had to go through that. It's nerve wracking enough. Onwards and upwards xxx

What a twat brambles Hope you are ok.
Happened to me on my first OLD. It hurt because we'd talked way too much and I was totally over invested. The thread rules then would have been really good for me. Onwards...

Ant Hope you are beginning to feel a bit better. When you are back on the smitten bench for the right person and MissOz finds her right guy too, you'll both be glad you walked away, even though it hurts right now.

Thank you for the messages, it does help and is appreciated.
It's tough upsetting somebody like that, don't want to have to do that again

This is a comment partly in reply to the post from Stealth but anybody else that worries about irons being active on WA. I'm on WA a lot and it's nothing to do with dating, so if your irons are don't assume they're chatting to other women. Clearly if as Stealth said they're still active on the apps then they may be, just don't assume online on WA but not chatting to you is a bad sign.

Lovemusic good luck for tomorrow.
Bumble he's a knob, don't let it put you off.

I can't handle this right now. I know it's him and not me, and I'm not bothered about him personally, but I'm too sensitive in general and need to sort my head out a bit more before I try again. Hiding the thread now, but good luck to you all.