My bf of a few months was hoovered by his ex

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

So I had to leave. I'd only been with him a few months. We are both over 50 and seemed to get on so well. I liked him a lot, but long story short, is that she sent him a message and within 2 sentences he said he thought if her everyday and that he loved her.

He showed me the conversation. I didn't snoop. But once I read what he said to her I took my things and left. I didn't say anything or look at him. There was no drama, no flouncing, no slamming doors. I just left.

I'm not sure why I'm posting but I do know I'm sad about it.

Gosh, well done for maintaining your dignity.

Any man that 1) is with someone for company rather than for genuine reasons and 2) basically uses a text to break up
is not worth having.

Sad, yes but he wasn't worth it

Sadly that's not hoovering which would be more than one message and is designed to manipulate with lies. So let's lay the blame where it's deserved: on him!

He obviously wasn't over her, and it was him that was selfish and deceitful and should not have started a relationship with you. He was unfair to you and rather manipulative to show you his texts!. I can only presume he expected you to do the pick me dance. The egotistical bastard.

You, on the other hand, behaved with dignity and self love and self respect! You know you are worth more than he is capable of giving. You rock!!

You're an absolute Queen and have my full admiration and respect to have reacted that way.

Thank you. I am so, so, so proud of how I behaved. I looked back at the house as I was reversing out the drive and he'd come outside and was standing at the front door. I didn't react. Just looked away and drove off. Then bocked him everywhere once I got home.

Good for you, very dignified, I would have kicked off, not very dignified! Stay strong x

It’s ok to be sad about it but, as you already know, you deserve better than to be someone’s second best. You’ve blocked him - good. Now go be nice to yourself, special treat of some kind.

OP absolutely credit to you for having the balls to get up and walk out. It's always easier said than done. Good for you! I'm sure you're in a bit of a state of shock but there are so many women who will be reading your post and thinking wow, I wish I had the guts to do that.

You rock!
I'm so sorry that this happened though.

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry, but you behaved impeccably. I'm also thinking he expected you to do the pick me dance. Fuck that! your actions may give other people here the courage to do the same with egotists like this

Well I don't need to give you advice because you have handled things brilliantly.

It's normal to feel sad because you had invested your emotions but I have a feeling you will be absolutely fine sooner than you think not!

Well done - good to see a story on here that serves as a demonstration of how to look after yourself. He was going to pull you down into a shit dynamic. Many people would have read that wrongly, as a sign of their own unworthiness, but you saw it for what it was - the behaviour of a self absorbed and cruel individual.

Be careful though - I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to resurrect your relationship. Don't fall for it.

The ex lives abroad. They split up in 2017. I can't work out what he was trying to achieve by showing me their conversation.

She had initiated contact. He was showing me silly jokes on his fb page. I saw she'd contacted him and I asked if they were in contact a lot still. He said no and that she had told him about difficulties she was having and that she was probably after money. He saud it was def over between them. I said i felt threatened and uncomfortable. He said there was no need to. Then he asked me if I wanted to read what they'd said to each other. I was brave and said yes. He showed me. I left.

What the fuck was he doing? We'd been up til 3am the night before having a fucking fantastic time fucking!

Agree with PP, he was intending to make you do the pick me dance. He sounds potentially emotionally abusive.

A healthy man who changed his mind would have just broken up (nicely) with you, rather than attempt to start a competitive triangle.

Keep running, keep blocking and never speak to him or allow him to speak to you again. Manipulation would follow. Well done for getting out when and how you did!

Sounds like he was testing your boundaries. Bloody well done. You are my role model.

I so appreciate all your words! Thank you x

You. Are. A 🌟.

Manipulative fucker who wanted you to do the 'pick me dance'. Well done for not engaging.

I do have a question after all. I have a dvd of his. I don't want it in my house and I don't want contact with him. I am thinking of posting it back to him. While I know that's a form of making contact, I am not sure what to do. I won't just throw it away because it doesn't belong to me.

So should I post it and get on with it?

I’d post it with insufficient postage. But I can be unpleasant like that 😂😂😂

Post it but scratch it first?!

Brilliant response. Of course you’re sad, that must have been a shock. What an absolute dick!

I’d post it, with no note etc. Don’t give him an excuse to drop by...

😁 😁 😁

God, no. I wouldn't put any note in it!

Yes, post it (tracked and signed for) no note.

Why tracked and signed for, Queen?