My bf of a few months was hoovered by his ex

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

So I had to leave. I'd only been with him a few months. We are both over 50 and seemed to get on so well. I liked him a lot, but long story short, is that she sent him a message and within 2 sentences he said he thought if her everyday and that he loved her.

He showed me the conversation. I didn't snoop. But once I read what he said to her I took my things and left. I didn't say anything or look at him. There was no drama, no flouncing, no slamming doors. I just left.

I'm not sure why I'm posting but I do know I'm sad about it.

👏👑🏆⭐️ that's the way !!! When I grow up, I wanna be just like you 🙂. Atta Girl OP. Xx

I honestly clicked because I thought hoovering was a new sex thing 😆.

I am sorry your ex made you upset. It's best he's honest now tho instead of a year down the line. Get yourself out lass and get a man who wants only you x

When I left, he'd started cooking steak for us for dinner. The night before he'd spent over £100 on a night out for us. I think he might have been surprised at my reaction. Either that, or he wanted rid of me.

bamboob, he had not been honest, though. When I asked them if they talked often, he volunteered info that she probably was after money and that it was all over between them. I felt decidedly uneasy so I said as much. It was after that that he showed me the conversation. He wasn't honest at all. But yes, rather now than a year's time.

@Nothavingfunrightnow You're strong and brave. It wasn't dull, it's exactly what is so hard but necessary to do

She only told you he'd said he loved her when you insisted on knowing what the word/phrase meant, before that he tried saying it was 'just' an endearment .. he probably knew that you'd Google it if he didn't tell you; he really shot himself in the foot.
I don't think he meant to 'get rid' of you, he stumbled into it; but clearly there is some level of pining for/putting on a pedestal/grass is greener for him with his ex, so his attitude was always going to be ambivalent.

Well sounds like she likes an ego stroke now and then but ultimately doesn't want him so he's now free to indulge in sad-ass, self flagellating, idealised, "unrequited love" while flattering someone else's ego and wasting the time of whichever poor fucker he seeing. He's trashed the opportunity if a good, break relationship with a (from these posts) classy, intelligent, sensible, good woman.

What was it Austen or someone said - don't rush into partbering with a fool, there are plenty of others fools for them to partner with.

*of a good, real relationship

*So he only told you..

moralitym1n1, you've helped me make some sense of what happened. Thank you.

Ah so she's also foreign, possibly a gold digger (how obvious did it have to be for a besotted man to notice it) .. and probably younger and out of his league (??)

No fool like an old fool.

I wouldn't waste my time hanging around his soap opera, bad enough having him mooning after another woman and emotionally split/absent .. let alone the chance he'll go running and dump his partner if she finds she can't get a better financial/visa prospect than him and clicks her fingers. Sounds like he'd go back even if he heavily suspects she a gold-digger.

On the other hand maybe he'll wise up/move on eventually but what a shit situation to be in in the meantime.

Op you're very welcome, all you can do as a poster on here is give your response/advice to the situation as it strikes you; you might be wrong and of course you're not the one with the feelings involved to it's all very easy.

But this sounds like a cluster fuck - it's unfeasible for anyone ne involved with him, unless they have low self-esteem/are masochistic (!) or don't really gaf, are only with him for benefits themselves, and can take however it pans out with equinamity.

(Most people wouldn't be like that though).

This is prime pick me dance stuff, as someone pointed out.

There are so many sad threads on MN where women have played the pick me dance and wasted so much time energy and emotion on men and situations that could've, should've been resolved in the way you've resolved this one. I hope you come through the pain and into sunlight soon, I'm sorry my actions made you cry, but hope the release has been positive.

He would go back to her if she wanted. He blames their split on her daughter who didn't like him. She is from Eaten Eur but then followed her daughter to a Western European country. I don't give a fuck if the details are outing. Everything I've recounted is what happened or what I was told or how I feel.

*Eastern Europe

As someone else said - leave him to his little soap opera. There is someone better out there for you, when you're ready. I get the lonliness, it's why, when me meet someone who seems decent, we get our hopes up, but better alone than being forced into some weird 'love triangle' the only winner then would be HIM - having you in real life, and his fantasy lost love to pine over.

Just remembered that after he told her she could bother him any time (she'd apologised for "bothering" him), he gave her his mobile number and email address. There was no doubt whatsoever that he wanted her and wanted to be in contact with her.

I'm overwhelmed and touched by everyone's very kind words and very tangible support. MN, a nest of vipers? I beg to differ x

Blaming her daughter for the split is more idealising; if she really wanted to be with him, I think she'd be with him.

Her daughter is clearly an adult if she followed her to the UK. She's now living separately from her back in her home country (that's presuming the daughter didn't move back too?) ... How likely is it that, unless he did something truly 'off' or otherwise acted in a way that justified a very strong aversion on her daughter's part (which would be a whole other red flag) .. that she really split with him because her adult daughter doesn't like him. It's an excuse, it's balm for him - "it's not her, it's her daughter". Seems like he's deluding himself. She got in touch and starting mentioning financial difficulties, her response to "I love you" is "I know". Even in his deluded, besotted mind, he instinctively thinks she's after money.

Just to reiterate, he's a fool. To be in contact at all, but to have left himself in the position of trashing a year long relationship that could've had legs with a lovely woman .. idiot.
At the very best, it could be said that he's not over an ex and should not be dating, entering into a relationship, and inflicting this on someone. He's wasting people's time and hurting them.

Everyone on here has so much admiration for your instant, clear-cut self respect & dignity op.

He had a choice and he made it. I, too, had a choice, and mine was not to worry every day wondering if he was talking with her or planning her return or if he was going 5o see her.

I have gained so much strength from this thread. Everyone has been so supportive and Moralitym1n1, you've cleared up something I could not see. Thank you

Update: I received a self indulgent email from him tonight. He said he's sorry I saw the messages, that I'd never understand what it was like between them and that he doesn't think he could ever be in love again. He said that he will probably die cold and alone. Then he wished me good luck for the future.

I think I dodged a bullet, there.

You dodged several bullets! He's just emailing to see if you miss him and will bite...

Don't bite. Stay strong.

Thanks for the update but don't reply to him!! Tbh I was rather hoping it would be a grovelling email but hey ho, the man is just ridiculous and you definitely did dodge a bullet x

Respect to you for your original decisiveness and sustained commitment to your decision

There's no fucking way I'm replying to him!

Truth be told, I do miss him. I liked him a lot, but I won't be drawn back.