My bf of a few months was hoovered by his ex

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

So I had to leave. I'd only been with him a few months. We are both over 50 and seemed to get on so well. I liked him a lot, but long story short, is that she sent him a message and within 2 sentences he said he thought if her everyday and that he loved her.

He showed me the conversation. I didn't snoop. But once I read what he said to her I took my things and left. I didn't say anything or look at him. There was no drama, no flouncing, no slamming doors. I just left.

I'm not sure why I'm posting but I do know I'm sad about it.

Charity Shop it.

What a knob. Agree return dvd without communication then you’re shot of him. Well done for walking out. He sounds fuckin immature at best.

Wait a few days in case you find more of his stuff then leave them on his doorstep when you know he's not home.

So he can't pretend he didn't receive it - and use it as an excuse to pop round.

Christ, now this is a strong woman... well done Lady

I hope others can take strength from reading your actions, proud of you

Well done but can someone explain the "hoovered" part?

The Duck, this happened a week ago. I def don't have anything else of his at mine or if mine at his. He has adult children living with him and they don't work regular hours. I don't want to risk bumping into them as lovely as they are (decent, good kids).

Thanks a million for the advice. I shall post track and signed for as Queen recommends.

What would I do without MN?

I think the OP meant hoovered up.

Charity shop or bin the DVD.

Hoovering is when someone returns after a period of time to try to suck you back into their realm. It could be that they are looking for confirmation that the person who left left or who they left, still has feelings for them and can feed their ego.

The ex gf apologised to him for bothering him. His reply was that she could bother him anytime she wanted to. When he told her he loved her, her response was "I know".

I wouldn’t bother sending a dvd back - not worth it, he’d probably bin it himself.
It also kinda ruins your dignified ending.
I’m with other people - he wanted to get you to start ‘fighting’ for his wonderful self, you were wise as you got out as soon as he started this shit. What a knob he is.

Do you know I was recently discussing a similar scenario with a co worker. She has been married and divorced a few times and asked me what i would do if i found my DP having an affair.
I would like to think I would do as you have, that's my goal if it ever came to that. I really hope it never happens but I like to be prepared in my mind for all eventualities.

Gardai, you're right. I think my reluctance to send it back means he will know I've thought of him and acted on those thoughts. I'll charity shop it. I doubt he'll come looking for it. If he does knock on my door I'll be bright and breezy.

Treeflooof, I wish you strength if your situation comes to that. I would not have done this 2 years ago. I think I've just had enough crap in my time so I won't put up with anymore. Rather amusingly, he said to me that he liked my approach of not taking any bullshit.

When he told her he loved her, her response was "I know

Blimey! he showed you that? No wonder you left.

Bin the DVD - he's not worth the postage!

So the ex. does not want him but is still in touch, how weird is she, you had a lucky escape.

Wow. I can only hope I'd be half as dignified should my relationship ever break down due to something like this.

God yes, definitely don’t send the dvd back, Charity Shop!

It would be the equivalent of slamming the door then having to go back for your keys!

So classy. You rock

I wonder if he forgot exactly what he'd written to her? If he'd filed it in his mind as banal chit-chat and hadn't remembered how bad it looked then there was no reason not to show you. If he was hoping for you to see and start the pick me dance then that's a lot more unpleasant (which of course he may be).

Thank goodness you did see though, whatever he was thinking. Good job walking away as you did. I would just charity shop the DVD. If he comes looking for it then you can quite legitimately say that you weren't expecting to ever see him again, and point him in the direction of the shop you gave it to.

OP you are an absolute star and inspiration to us all. Dignity and decorum wins the day.

You did so so well. Well done you.

The fact that he showed you the messages acting like they were no big deal, is just plain weird. and no one has time to be dealing with those weird things that people do that leave you analysing everything!

You are so dignified and I’m sure leaving was a good decision in your circumstances , However many years ago, my DH showed me a text conversation between him and his ex wife that was similar to yours, I admit I was jealous and hurt, but as we were living together I couldn’t just leave, he explained to me that she had been in his life for over 25 years and was the Mother of his DC and that although the marriage was well and truly over he still loved her but not enough or anything like the love we have. She needed comfort and he gave it as you would an old friend. We are now very happily married. And i am in contact with his ex more than him and all have a friendly relationship which is great for everyone.

Well done OP.
Don't send the dvd back. It's just a dvd. Charity shop it if you don't want it in your house.

Agree with everyone else who says don't send the dvd back. You've walked away, end of.

Your dignity is awesome.

I disagree with those saying don’t send the DVD back.

I think if you dispose of his possessions you lose some of your moral high ground. Plus it’s a cleaner exit if you send it, recorded delivery as someone else said, it leaves him no reason to get in touch and gives him an absolutely clear message that he is completely out of your life, and mentally as well, you know you stood up for yourself but behaved impeccably.