My bf of a few months was hoovered by his ex

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

So I had to leave. I'd only been with him a few months. We are both over 50 and seemed to get on so well. I liked him a lot, but long story short, is that she sent him a message and within 2 sentences he said he thought if her everyday and that he loved her.

He showed me the conversation. I didn't snoop. But once I read what he said to her I took my things and left. I didn't say anything or look at him. There was no drama, no flouncing, no slamming doors. I just left.

I'm not sure why I'm posting but I do know I'm sad about it.

The grass often looks greener, but quite often it isn't when you get close up. They split for a reason, perhaps he has forgotten what the reason was and will swiftly be reminded of it.

If that happens remember today and don't get sucked back into a relationship with such a needy person.

I'm normally an over analyser and had a similar situation OP except that I was ghosted.

No contact for about 2 weeks. Nothing.

I'd left a work uniform at his house previously when staying for the weekend so had to return to collect it and picked a time when I'd guessed he'd be home and knocked on the door.

I had no idea of any reason for the ghosting so part of me was wondering if there'd be a another woman there. I'd decided it didn't really matter.

He looked a little shocked when he answered the door but he did invite me in to talk about it.

I said there's nothing you can say to me and then asked him to get my uniform as I waited outside. I walked back to my car with my head held high and he called out an apology.

Twat.

Sending the dvd back would be like slamming the door then going back fir my keys... Absofuckinglutely right.

Again , thank you all so much for your support and encouragement.

Good for you, Innersmellbow. Dignity and self care wins the day xx

If he asks for it or anything just send him £5 or whatever it will cost 2nd hand of ebay/from Cex.

Sending the DVD back would be interpreted as you trying to reinitiate contact I think, especially if you send it recorded delivery.

Better to ignore it. If he tries to reinitiate contact, then just deny knowledge of it and block him.

That's what I thought, too, Blackcatsleeping. He might see it as me making contact.

I want to be you when I grow up!

Well done, perfect response. If you ever have a wobble picture yourself driving away that day and being an absolute boss while he must have meekly closed his door behind him, sat numbly on the sofa then thought oh shit what the fuck have I done?

Onwards and upwards!

Oh and 100% agree with @BlackCatSleeping

Sending the DVD back would be interpreted as you trying to reinitiate contact I think, especially if you send it recorded delivery.

Don't even consider sending it back - at best it'll allow him to believe you're still on his mind and so hurt you couldn't help but get in touch again etc

The best revenge is living well

Bin the dvd and deny all knowledge in the unlikely event that he asks for it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. He clearly wasn't ready to be in a new relationship was he?
Well done for maintaining your dignity op, there will be somebody else. Somebody for whom you take first place in their life. Which is what you deserve!

I agree with allthegoodusernameshavegone. What he said can be interpreted in different ways. He may have loved her in a residual way and thought of her often but that may not mean he still wants to be with her or thinks they shouldn't have split up. He's obviously pretty obtuse for showing you the conversation.

I'd keep the DVD for a week or two then, unless it's seriously collectable or of sentimental value to him, bin it.

@Nothavingfunrightnow I am in complete awe. So easy to say how to behave in these awful situations, but you actually did it and walked out of there with your head held high and dignity intact, absolutely awesome. What on earth was the man thinking? I would throw the CD in the bin.

He’s either very stupid, or genuinely didn’t think the messages were incriminating.
Is this an ex he was with for ages, had dc with etc? As you might still feel love for them and think about them - but you wouldn’t put it in a message and then show your new gf!

I applaud you OP. A dignified responce and what he told her, the right one.

I can't believe the posts for the DVD, how much room is it taking up ffs. Chuck it in the back of a cupboard

He is still in love with her. When he showed me the convo, he had written something in her language. English is not her mother tongue. I asked him what it meant and he said it was a term of endearment. I asked again and he said he didn't know and that it was something she had taught him. I asked a third time. He replied, 'okay, it means I love you. That's just the way I feel".

I carried on reading til the end... He had also sent her a selfie and she'd sent one back to which he said, "Beautiful as ever!"

So I read to the end. Stood up, got my overnight bag from his room, got my keys out my handbag and left.

There's no room for any other interpretation of what he told her. Besides, he saw me leaving. He said nothing. For that reason, I will be shocked if he tries to make contact again.

Well done! It seems that he has hoovered himself up - and into the bin. He may have been testing you to see if you had weak boundaries. Well done again, you don't need to be competing with the ex

Yes, the dvd is taking a lot of discussion, forumdonkey, but I've binned it. Literally and metaphorically.

Tunnockswafer, they were together for about a year. They do not have children together and neither did they live together.

So he is behaving like a lovesick puppy over his ex - and expected you to be ok with that, or do the pick me dance to 'win' him. Tool!

Apologies if it seems that I'm drip feeding. That's not my intention. I didn't think I'd even get a response to this rather dull story. I just needed to talk it through.

It's not dull at all - it's the story of a woman who values herself!

Yeah, that’s pretty damning! I’ve gone with “stupid” now.
Good escape OP.

what a TWAT OP, he actually sounds like a TWAT, just sat there letting you read all that as if it were socially acceptable because she is in another country. Appalling excuse of a man.

still proud of you lass

Nothavingfunrightnow bloody hell! Kudos to you.

As everyone else has said, that’s real strength and a healthy dose of self confidence. Wish I had your chutzpah

Well done OP. I am sorry this man did that to you.

I would not send back the dvd. He will see it as an invitation to text/email you a confirmation that he received it and if you open that in a vulnerable moment and reply, lines of communication will be opened again.

My ex and I had a similar relationship to this man and his ex. His current girlfriend found our emails and confronted him. I'm not sure what line he spun her but they stayed together. I stopped all contact with him when I realised the true status of their relationship. Previously he had told me it was complicated and they were not actually in a relationship at all when all the time he had been living with her. Months later he initiated contact again and to this day, he sends little messages every few months telling me I was 'the one'. I don't reply but part of me crumbles every time I see his name as I loved him very much.

@slipperorchid, why were you and your ex not together?