Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@StealthNinjaMum oh you know me too well, I like a challenge. Even though I am talking to Miss Bossy Boots I have messaged Miss Gypsy Eyes after 2 days of silence.

@likeridingabike yes I've had this before too. I generally give up if plans are not made within a certain time. I've still not messaged him back yet.

Sorry for all the questions folks. How many 'irons' would you normally have on the go at once?
I'm currently chatting to 4 guys and I'm already finding it a bit stressful. I don't want to just sack any off though because I've not met any of them yet and knowing my luck, I'd stop talking to the one who was the most suited.
Problem is, I don't get that much free time so I would struggle to fit dates in with all of them anyway and don't want to lead anyone on if I can't even spare time for a few weeks.

@vwman you've got nothing to lose. If all goes well with Miss Gypsy Eyes I expect an invite to the wedding.

@StealthNinjaMum I don't get married anymore, instead every 15 years I just buy a woman I hate a new house

@Crappyday2018 Everyone is different when it comes to talking to multiples of people but I could only ever manage one at a time for similar reasons to those you have mentioned. I just don’t have the time to have conversations with lots of guys and I would get confused too easily!

I also don’t have enough child free time to date more than one guy at a time!

crappyday - keep a list of names/usernames/location/age/etc or do a spreadsheet , it really helps. I used to rate them too and when it came down to a couple, who I'd met, I'd do pro's and con's etc. It was great fun, lol.

An analytical approach is very useful before you get emotionally involved.

I’d hate to think I was part of someone’s spreadsheet of women

Thanks all, I will update properly on Wednesday. It's still early days but I have never had anything like this before, even simple things such a whatsapping is just easy. From the very first date it just felt right as cliche as it sounds.

sunshine - but we all weigh up our dates, even if it's in our heads.

I guess so but I’ve never done multiple dating so haven’t compared one date with another I guess! I’m sure it’s a common thing which is one of the reasons why (and I know I’m a hypocrite) I don’t like OLD 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops I agree. I have to say there are some quite shocking attitudes and opinions on this thread sometimes.

Peanuts and Sunshine- I’m with you the whole idea of being in a competition is horrid. I guess you right- too old - we do compare but it just seems so clinical. Prob why I get too invested

I haven't been back since the great advice I got but I too don't like the multi dating concept, there's always going to be someone better if you do that. I was pretty sure the guy I was seeing was doing that which I know was his business but there was no way I was going to get close when I was one of many and possibly the back up so held back and that was his excuse. But how can you not hold back in that scenario, I'm not playing a pick me dance! I think multi dating is rubbish!!!

This is my problem with Mr Runner. He is very enthusiastic, interested in what I'm doing, very complimentary about me but I can see he's still on Match and on WhatsApp and so probably saying the same things to several women. It's just an inevitable part of old so I will have to go at my own pace, be myself and if he doesn't like it then he's not the one for me. It feels like it's ok to just shag 2 or 3 women to decide which one you like and if they complain or try to enforce exclusivity too soon they're just being needy or too full on.

I don't think it is needy or full on to not have sex with someone that is potential having sex with other people. I know that makes me a bit old fashioned and will put some blokes off but I don't care, I'm not playing that game. It's not a moral thing, I don't think it's wrong and I'm not treating sex like a prize, it's just not for me or my emotional well being, if that's needy so be it!!

I agree bythecooker it isn't needy or full on to not have sex with someone who is having sex with other people but I can imagine a man dating lots of women would see it that way. I have got nowhere near a smitten or exclusivity chat with any of my irons but just observed others going through anxiety to get there.

I think the anxiety is not worth it. I felt really hurt by the guy last week even without dtd, so possibly I'm not strong enough for old. However, I have bounced back quite quickly, had I dtd I know for me that bounce back would have taken longer! Maybe I'd have kept his interest but probably not and I'd just rather be sure of feelings and motives (as far as is possible- I'm aware it's not foolproof)!

Ooh, close to the l-bomb @WarIsPeace. That is exciting. And something similar-ish for @shitwithsugaron.

It’s a lovely stage of the relationship to be at (even if you are more slow burn, @WarIsPeace). I know exactly what you mean by it being patently obvious. MrSG was obviously itching to tell me and kept almost-but-not-quite dropping the L-bomb. So I decided to put him out of his agony and just told him. He responded with a delighted but surprised ‘you do?’ and then said what he’d been obviously wanting to say for ages. 😄

I can’t imagine keeping an OLD spreadsheet. I’m not sure adding extra admin would improve the OLD experience. 😂

but I can imagine a man dating lots of women would see it that way

Maybe some would, but I think when making assumptions about the opposite sex it is always worth remembering that overall women are having exactly the same amount of sex as men.

Fundamentally it must be the case that attitudes to multi dating and exclusivity are on average broadly similar between both men and women.

Thanks Starry I suppose looking at it another way perhaps Mr Runner actually really does like me and assumes that I am multi dating and he is trying not to get invested in me? After all we did have a very easy conversation with lots in common. And then every time he goes on Match I am there. And I am always on WhatsApp.

Anyway to boost my spirits I have just splurged on a new dress for my date, as I have lost so much weight I have no sexy summer clothes, and a gold bracelet. Feeling slightly guilty but both were in sales.

I have bumbled this evening and have a queue of ineligible bachelors awaiting snarky messages.

I've been looking back on some of my old OLD posts and others tonight and it's quite scary!
Wow, I've come a long way.
Relentless dating optimism.
It's so true, you need to find yourself first before you can have a good relationship with anyone else. I am feeling so cool and relaxed.
@smittenbench