Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

StealthNinjaMum its their perception and mindset about scarcity. They cannot find what they are looking for, and I know lots of women also cannot find what they are looking for. But they think that when they get to the stage of a date that will be the only woman who would ever be interested. So they start to act really keen, sometimes it comes over as needy and desperate, leading to the woman walking away. That only adds to their mindset that no woman will want them.

As I have seen many times on here, women saying that the man just needs to relax.

@StealthNinjaMum I was determined to improve my luck to let's see what happens with these two

Why is this so hard? If I take the time to message why don't blokes message back?

My smitten bench update - Mr Far and I are a thing. He's very close to dropping the L-bomb
The DTD side is excellent. We really click conversation /being realistic and tolerant of each others messy lives. It's not a stream of shit tests, it's nice
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

Great Ted Talk warls sounds great!

Hi comedyboobs nice to have a good update.

rich wondered where you were? We need details

Go lily

stealth maybe you need to accept you are super awesome. I am very jealous I want someone to be enthusiastic about me

What's going on @kermitrulesok? How many times had you seen this person who's now gone quiet? Apologies if I've missed you explaining.

WarIsPeace lovely update - envious but happy for you!
@richdeniro another one that wants the full story please!

Things sound VERY good waris. How do you know he’s about to drop the L bomb. When is the right time to say this do you think? No sign of Mr S saying this...

Didnt expect to see Mr S this weekend but he’s just arranged to take me out somewhere naice for dinner 🍷👍

Hello, everyone.

I started POF in Feb. A few dates, then “went out” with one man for 2 months. I deleted my POF profile.

Anyway, he wasn’t quite what he seemed so that was the end of that!

Back on POF with a new alias as I couldn’t use my old one. I’ve left it blank as I didn’t want to go on any dates due to ridiculous work commitments until July.

Saw a man I recognised locally on POF so have been texting frequently. I’ve explained that I wasn’t going to go “live” on
POF for a bit but I’d made an exception for him (I worded it better than that!)

Lots of texts for several days and a few very brief mentions of what we might do together e.g films he likes. But no real talk of meeting up, times, locations or asking when I’m free!

Then near radio silence yesterday and absolutely nothing today, though he’s online.

I started the 2 brief text conversations yesterday so am loathe to “pester” him with texts again today.

Sorry this has become an epic post!

@putastrawunderbaby been messaging back and forth but a week and a half. Had a lovely date on Friday night. He drove 4 hours for our date too then yesterday hardly any messages and today nothing. Why don't blokes have the balls to say thanks but no thanks?

Been OLD for about 4 months and getting sick and tired of the nonsense...in fact the only one I'm still in contact with is FWB from FAB!

When to drop the L Bomb is a good question, MrMetal would clearly like me to do it first and has asked questions that might result in me saying it but I'm holding back, I'm not sure why. We're almost 4 months from the first "Date" (speech marks because it was a FAB date) and almost two months from the exclusive conversation. Still feels like early days.

I went on my date with Mr Dog but came home early as he didn’t feel well and wanted to go to sleep. He did seem unwell but god did he make a fuss, it’s just reminded me of another reason I like being single, full blown man flu and moaning about it. He has messaged since I got home and apologised for being grumpy and ill. The date was ok apart from him moaning a bit, I felt a bit disappointed as there was no kissing or romance (he says because he doesn’t want to pass anything on to me). If I don’t get some good action soon I may have to join FAB.

People's thoughts on this please:
Guy messages me first on POF. Very polite and generally lovely messages. Just generally chit-chat, asking me questions about my job and what I like doing etc. I really liked the vibe from him.
I noticed he didn't seem to go on POF all that often though (which is fine). I eventually have to hint at perhaps meeting up some time as he hadn't got round to it and he seemed really keen so I gave him my number. He messaged straight away saying he would like to get to know me better and meet up sometime. I replied and then nothing for about 3 days.
I then get a message on POF today saying he wasn't ignoring me but he was having problems with his phone but is definitely keen to meet me some time and is flattered that I am interested in him.
So, should I be suspicious? Could he really be having problems with his phone? I do feel he might be too good to be true and that is usually the case. What would you lot do?

Crappyday he could be genuine or he could be busy with his wife, it’s hard to tell. I had a iron vanish and then yesterday I received a message via Tinder with excuses about his phone being broken and him losing his passwords etc..etc..., I don’t really know what to think. I have had many irons that keep vanishing after asking for my number or after asking if I would like to meet up.

@crappyday2018 in my very limited experience then this doesn't add up but then I realise that I'm becoming very cynical and he very well may do...proceed with caution

@crappyday2018 I'm always suspicious about people using dodgy phone issues as excuses unfortunately. Always seems to be an underhand reason who ie married

Yeah its a funny one. Firstly I wonder if he is still married, why he would text me at all and not just say straight away his phone was 'broken'.
I'm torn on this one so will leave it a while before responding again. I have another couple of irons on the go so its no big deal.

Notcoolmum and other L-bomb enquirers, I just know He has said he's really falling for me, he's argued the toss about it not being the crush I said he was having, he sends me songs most days, wants to meet the ExH and 'go public ' and basically, because I've got eyes it's written all over him

Personally, it's too soon for me but I'm always a slow burn. We're both comfortable, I just know the words are going to fall out of his mouth pretty soon iykwim.

I'm.going to start swiping and find me some more irons

I have message streams that dry up with women, but I don't contact them as I get the feeling they are really not into me and ghosting me. They are online but probably talking to other men instead so I move on. Perhaps they are thinking the same thing about me, that he seemed keen and then radio silence.

Men having problems with their phones, like Manflu can you catch it, should I be worried?

Lovemusic33 Crappyday he could be genuine or he could be busy with his wife,

Freudian slip?! 😂

I have something terrible to admit, I only realised what OLD means a few days ago

I said I would facetime MrSofarnoname at 8pm, but I’m so tired, I might have to have a power nap otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to stay awake. It’s a good job I’m not planning on getting up to watch GoT tonight as I definitely wouldn’t make it.

crappyday2018 The alternative to him being married is that he's only looking for an on-line virtual relationship so he's avoiding getting into a conversation about meeting up, I've been strung along for months, twice. Try asking him to talk on the phone, that seems to be a step too far for some and is a good test from my experience. My two weeks maximum without arranging a date rule still stands, you don't have to meet within the two weeks but firm arrangements are needed or personally I move on.

Blimey this thread moves faster and faster!

Rich very pleased to hear your news!!!

All good here, MissOz and I went away for a night in a hotel mid-week which was lovely then I spent the night at hers last night. We're definitely into the relationship rather than dating phase now, although are sticking to meeting twice a week for now.

Think we'd both like it to be more but I will struggle to do much more due to work and the time I spend with my son and other friends.

I'd like to introduce her to a couple of my good friends and their wives, but my ex is being difficult accusing mutual friends of turning their backs on her and taking sides. So we've all agreed that introducing my new GF is only likely to aggravate the situation so best to hold off for now. Fortunately MissOz is in complete agreement and doesn't want to get in the middle of it.

@marlboroandmalbec34 thanks, would love to think I am awesome but I did get dumped by a really, really enthusiastic iron so I just wondered if all guys do it.

@warispeace another lovely update

@lovemusic33 not a great date but at least he turned up. It's such a sad state of affairs that if he'd told you he was sick you probably would have just thought it was a lie or a hangover. I hope he recovers soon and you get your itch scratched.

@crappyday2018 I probably see the good in people too much but I've got a crap phone and that could happen to me. I'd just see if there was a pattern - like he's not available weekends or evenings and Facebook stalk him if possible

@vwman that happens to me too. Sometimes we run out of things to talk about or they are just too complimentary (hence earlier post). Recently I got favourited by a guy who vanished in the middle of a conversation when I first started old in February and I do wonder if he remembered that I gave him my phone number and he never called me. I would say that if you have no irons on the go then it wouldn't hurt to initiate a conversation again to try to quickly arrange a date. You could be pleasantly surprised.

In fact vwman I think I might set you a challenge to initiate a conversation with one of these women! Do you accept the challenge?