Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@AutumnHaze it depends on how long ago to be honest. He may well have learnt his lesson

Thank you. Your advice is as conflicted as I am. Infidelity is an addiction, right? You can abstain but you will be an addict for life/ Even if you never fall off the wagon again, it will be a constant struggle to stay on it? I have not had good experiences of guys learning their lessons.

I am going with my gut. Running for the hills. Many thanks

@AutumnHaze Fidelity is a value (a set of rules you use to live your life and make decisions), if it was high on his list of things that were important to him at the time he would never have had an affair. Values can change over time, but generally speaking not by much. To be successful both peoples values need to be in general alignment otherwise conflict will arise. I used to run an upmarket Introduction Agency and when we matched potential partners values were No1 on the list.

vwman, i had no idea but that makes perfect sense.

Well I got stood up, which is what I expected to happen. What a coward. I went to Asda on the way home and bought myself some shorts and a maxi skirt for my holiday in July and a large bunch of flowers!

Aww, Lily - what a spineless tw*t. You're obviously too good for him!

vwman - how interesting and what a different angle to take compared to PoF etc. Any more tips on what makes a successful relationship?

Sorry lilly hope your brownie was good!!

Same re money, I don’t care what they earn or do for a living but I do care if they have a job, enjoy it and can manage their own finances.

Mr Manflu date today was a disaster! He told me about the breakdown he had after divorce and how it led to him losing his job and then showed me loads of pics of his kids. Shame as over message he was very cool and interesting. 🙈

Marlbs - Oh dear! Guess there'll be no 2nd date? Now he's got that out of the way, he could improve?

@TooOldForThis67 if I knew that I would not be here lol

Basing a relationship on looks simply doesn't work, the only reason why Tinder etc promote it is because it matches their business model. You could easily have swiped the wrong way on your perfect partner based on his rubbish photo.

The ladies who worked for me matched on values first, interests second, age and then similar attractiveness. Then the lady was contacted to see whether she wanted an introduction to the gentleman. Only if she said yes was he told that he had a potential date. This was prior to internet dating. We only put them back on the system as available if both parties told us that they were not interested.

vwman - I ignored MrWow twice. It wasn't until he mentioned that we worked together that I took notice. I then met him for old times sake. His photo did not do him justice at all!
Have you not ever tried a dating agency yourself?

TooOldForThis67 I'm willing to go with the flow at the moment I am not desperate to get married, so that £2,000 investment or whatever it costs now isn't justified.

I just look in a profile for hints about what she values most in life and make a judgement as to whether I think I have similar attitudes to life. And contact those.

tooold no I don’t think so. I didn’t feel any attraction at all.

Hi everyone, hope I can join back in. I'm not going to go into too much detail but I am chatting to one guy who I really like and he's keen to meet etc. I posted another thread about it as I couldn't find this one.
Simple question - does the term 'separated' put people off??
Someone replied to me saying they would run a mile because most of these guy's wives don't know they are separated.
I mean I'm not daft, I'm sure that happens a lot but should I assume he's still with his wife instead of giving him a chance? seems unfair.

@crappyday2018 aim separated and am most definitely not still with my ex husband or intend to be. I just refuse to put my life on hold while I wait to divorce him.

*I am

@Sunshineandflipflops thank you. That is what I thought. I'd rather someone was honest and said 'separated' rather than saying 'single' or 'divorced' because then its clear they are 'technically' still married.
I couldn't care less about that as long as they are clearly not with their spouse anymore.
Its hard enough finding someone nice without adding another 'red flag' into the mix.

Sorry about that @lilyrose88 but if it were me and I hadn't turned up I would've been wondering. It's good to know for sure that he's a massive cockwomble rather than just suspecting it.

crappyday2018 I would only have a problem if they were still living together and/ or behaving too much like a family still and I got the sense he didn't want the separation. I'm separated and am ready to date.

I'm also separated but make it clear I'm 'properly' separated ie can be phoned freely, I'm the only adult living in my house etc and reconciliation is not a possibility. I'm happy to date others in a similar situation, I don't know when I'll sort out the divorce

Hi, I was on here a while back. Met a lovely guy. Who knew that could happen on 'fab'??
Not much more to say. But good luck x

I've avoided profiles that say "separated", thinking perhaps it's early days and people are only newly out of a relationship, but this has given me food for thought, thank you.

Mr Hat has texted me. I asked if he'd had a good day and he mentioned he's drunk a lot tonight, which has put my back up. Instantly back to my ex being drunk every weekend. Perhaps I'm being unfair but it doesn't sit well with me.

👋 comedy and welcome back - glad to hear you've met someone nice on Fab - have been telling my male friends about Fab and they didn't know if its existence lol

@putastrawunderbaby I think its fair enough to be cautious but sometimes people can be separated for a long time. As for Mr Hat, its Saturday night so you should cut him some slack on this occasion but something to keep an eye on.

@putastraw It’s Saturday night so I don’t think you can hold having a few drinks against someone, as long as he doesn’t do it every night.