Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@LilyRose88 could someone with a current POF account have a look for you to see if he still has a profile? You'd know for sure then. I deleted mine a few weeks ago.

LilyRose88 if you can still remember his profile name why not give it to someone on here so that they can search for him on pof. It would tell you at least whether you have been blocked.

Some men like to keep their options open make dates and decide which one they will run with later ghosting the others.

lilyrose assuming he has blocked you what a shitty way to behave. I don't get why these people wouldn't just have the balls to tell you they've changed their mind.

I can't remember his user name unfortunately. But thanks for the offers to look on POF for me. I will probably go to the cafe after so have been to the gym as I am an honourable person and don't want to stand him up -even though I don't think he will show. I know I should just not bother but I will always wonder if he did turn up if I don't go there. And the do nice coffee anyway

mia I think it does do that

FYI my profile is snoozed on bumble and I deleted the app. But a few months ago, I put the app back on and went to look and it notified all my matches too . I don't think there's a way of turning that off. I deleted the app again but I assume I'm still in people's match queue as I haven't actually deleted my profile, I'm just on long term snooze!

vwman as far as I’m aware he’s on a good wage, he has a well paid job but I guess it can still be hard. I’m guessing he split with his ex a year ago, maybe they loved together and he got booted out, he seemed why he lives with his mum? It really doesn’t bother me if he does, he did mentioning he’s moving in 6 weeks so possibly getting his own place. He’s not really told me much about himself other than he’s been single for a year and has been through a rough patch (with anxiety). I would like to get to know him but I’m not sure if he really wants me too, maybe he’s worried I will judge? He hasn’t even messaged me today, I think I may have upset him last night but not sure how.

lovemusic have you met up with him? Sorry this thread moves so fast so it'd take me a while to read back again.
What makes you think you've upset him? I think if you haven't met up with him yet then maybe suggest it. He may open up more IRL.

lovemusic I just read your last post, you were due to meet with him today and you haven't heard?

It could be that he's just a dick (99% likely) but if you think it might be anxiety or you might have offended him then I don't think it would hurt to send one breezy text to check up on him and if he ghosts you then you'll know where you are.

stealth, no, I’m meeting with him tomorrow, he was all chatty yesterday but heard nothing from him today. I would message him but it always seems to be me messaging first. I will wait and see if he messages later. I don’t think I send anything that could have upset him, we were just chatting and talking about ‘bucket lists’ when he suddenly said he was going to sleep (mid conversation). He has done this before and I have chased after him, usually with a “are you ok?” message.

NooNoo, yes, we spent a day together on Wednesday, tomorrow will be our 2nd date.

Lovemusic33 one of the first dates I had this turn around, and it wasn't much of a date, was like being interviewed by the gestapo. She fired question after question at me, then told me later that I was being far too secretive for her. I'm wondering whether he felt a little like that, and perhaps feeling still vulnerable wanted any excuse to get out of the phone call.

I would leave him for now and see whether he contacts you in the next few days.

Maybe he struggles with the amount of attention? I’m fairly shy, and I don’t like talking on the phone as it makes my voice sound worse so I prefer a few messages/a short call/video call.

What have you managed to talk about if you don’t know much about him still?

Talking of earnings... I am usually around the same or the higher earner. I don't actually know what MrFox earns but given his job, he must be good with money!

It would not bother me dating someone who earned significantly less, what would bother me is their money management. They could earn £20k and manage their money well, or they could earn £50k and live month to month.
I am not interested in material things, but I do like to eat out and be able to have trips away occasionally.

I think that phones should be used for making dates not creating relationships as if you are not face to face you can easily miss important information as to how someone is feeling as you cannot see their body language.

Agree with you 30something about money management. Ex didn’t like someone else said and don’t know where our money went.
Love music- try and wait for him to initiate. Though I am terrible at that lol
The hiding and turning off on apps is a bit of a mare. I hid my profile as couldn’t cope with messages but now wondering if mr races will...
Back from date 3 this morning so it went well and I am completely broken. Did drinks out and then back to his. We are very well matched in the bedroom and makes me think mr engineer even though was based on attraction primarily just wasn’t right. Just shows you can’t tell until dtd. I could def do with more dates like that. We acknowledged being home with a kids but Going to try let him lead messages and see how we go as know he has busy weekend planned with his kids and friends

^Kiss

Well I'm in the coffee shop with a coffee and a brownie and there is no sign of my supposed date. I have remembered that his POF username is tchops if anyone fancies checking whether he is still registered on the site. I can give more info by PM but don't want to disclose age and location as it sort of outs me.

I will give him a few minutes and then go home.

Hi all, can I join you all again? Been following the last few threads and cricket can you lot talk!

Love the idea of a smitten bench, I'm a long way off that. Have been on bumble and matched with someone who works within 30 mins of me but actually lives 4 hours away. He actually drove up for our first date last night and has had to drive back today...was a fabulous first date but not sure if this is viable

Kermit that is quite a distance but if you both really want it to work I'm sure you will find a way. I am very specific about wanting someone local but that is because I already commute for work and I am not keen on driving long distances.

@LilyRose88 I take it your date hasn't turned up and you're enjoying your coffee and brownie?

With the distance it doesn't really bother me or him but I have kids and my time is quite limited. He hasn't so is willing to travel...he's up north 1 week out of 4

Hi, may I dip in? How much of a red flag is it when a date‘s marriage broke up due to his affair with an ex girlfriend? Also married, both with DC, they both ended their marriages, their relationship did not last and it is all years ago. I am usually zero tolerance for unfaithfulness, but I want to like this guy, seems otherwise ideal. How do I make my head follow my gut?

Lily - Did he show in the end? Don't know how to search for a specific user name. If you know how, let me know and I'll do it.

Autumn - Hopefully he's learnt his lesson so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

LilyRose88 I could not find anyone with that profile name by a search, I assume he has deleted it

Vwman I haven’t really fired any questions at him, he has asked me a few questions, most of it has just been general conversation, he just hasn’t told me anything about himself other than what he likes to do in his spare time. It’s just we can be mid conversation and he seems to randomly say he’s going to bed. I’m not a nosey person but I would like to know a tiny bit about his background, most dates I have been in (and there have been many) men tend to mention their previous relationship or their experiences with online dating, they might mention their job, their family or where they have been on holiday but there’s not really any of this.

Anyway, he messaged me and we are still on for tomorrow so I will just go with it and see how it goes. I think he’s just worried about how I will react to things. Maybe he just needs to relax a little.

Autumn I think I would run a mile (sorry), from past experience “once a cheat, always a cheat” and I wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt.