Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

noonoo you are brave doing a meal first! I never do that in case it's shit as you're stuck with them for much longer than escaping from a coffee/drink!

@shitwith It was MrSAS who had that rule on his Tinder profile so I messaged him first as I matched second and so far so good!

@shitwithsugaron Hope you have a great night away, don't worry about the feels, enjoy them!

I messaged Mr Cornish first on Tinder (remember I was on my Poldark mini break and only looking for a virtual holiday romance...) I honestly can't remember whether I swiped first or second, but I messaged him first and we've not stopped talking since.

I was supposed to be meeting him for dinner tonight, but that's morphed into having lunch with his brother and SIL today, dinner this evening and staying over. I've never met anyone's family before through OLD (except Mr Abs kids). This feels like we're moving into couple territory 🤞

Oh shitwith and jesuis enjoy! You both give me such hope as I know you have both been stuck with feels for fwbs before and I felt like the 3 of us were in similar places!

Mr Manflu just messaged to ask if he should shave of course I answered noooooooo 😁

Laughing at the user names. I have seen some pretty awful ones on POF, it always puts me off if they have a sexual user name, I also don’t reply to anyone who has ‘Dom’ in their user name.

I have been chatting to Mr Dog quite a bit on the phone and text and I think he might be hiding things, well not hiding but he’s not actually told me much about himself and when I gently probe or talk about anything serious he will say “oh, must be my bed time” and vanishes. I have a feeling he lives with his mum (not really a huge problem), I don’t think he’s stayed in a relationship for any length of time and he’s never been married (and no kids). He started telling me something about his last relationship but then stopped and ended up not telling me. He seems pretty cagey about things 😐. Last night was the 2nd time he suddenly said he was going to sleep (at 9.30pm) whilst talk got more serious. I am spending tomorrow with him so I shall see how things go.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Are you sure he was talking about his face 🤔?

For those on bumble...

I matched with a guy on there and have had our first date. Before our first date his conversation went to the bottom of my list and when I clicked it, it said he was a deleted member. On the date he told me he had deleted his profile. Last night I got a notification from bumble saying ‘X is no longer away. Welcome them back!’

But his conversation is still at the bottom of my list What does that mean? Can you log back in to a deleted account?

I took a minor interest in online dating profile names as a distraction from the frequent disappointment. Muffinmuncher could be someone interested in breakfasts, like CrumpetCraver or HowDaYaLikeYerEggs ?

@MIA12 I think on Bumble you can hide yourself for a period of time rather than delete your account. Maybe that's what he'd done?

Lovemusic33 I think men sometimes think that women will judge them and not want them when they realise that they are not doing well financially. I started another business last year, I have started seven businesses in my life so know what it takes. My income is currently not high as you tend not to make a profit in the first year of business. I had to cut my expenditure to the bone, cheaper accomodation getting rid of my new leased car and buy an old car. My attitude is if a woman wishes to judge me for my current situation then sod 'em.

JeSuisPrest Possibly but then I wonder why he’s still showing as deleted in my conversation list. Very weird.

Also find it a bit off that bumble notifies people when you come back online if that’s what he’s done. I’ve snoozed my profile before and it would be a bit embarrassing if my matches had been notified when I went back

Just caught up, this is more interesting than actual doing old yourself 🤣
I joined POF last night after I saw it mentioned on here, oh my word, how do you stop the notifications!!! Even when I'm logged out they're still managing to get through, it's insane!

I need to read the OP clearly!

@shitwithsugaron Google the rules for dating. They are TERRIBLE, with a side of misogyny. Advice like "if you have a big nose have surgery" and "wear short skirts and deep necklines". However, there are a few wee nuggets of use In there.

@vwman Absolutely. I've always been the higher earner in all my relationships and the only guy iron I ever met who earned more than me was Mr Banker. That didn't end well. Material things never impress me. As my OLD profile says I'd rather be walking hand in hand along a beach sharing a bag of chips with tears running down my legs through laughing than sat in a posh restaurant bored to tears.

I nearly cried when Mr Cornish bought me an egg and flowers at Easter - it meant so much more to me than the guilt jewellery my stbxh would produce after his latest conquest.

Wealth doesn’t impress me either.
I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t have a penny to his name as there are things I like doing that require a bit of money (meals/drinks/the odd break away) but I earn my own money and will always pay my own way.
I was seeing someone last year who earned good money, drove a nice car, etc but would insist on everything we did being a groupon offer and it was a real turn off.

My ex husband also earned good money but was crap with it so we never really benefited from it. It’s only now we’re separated and he’s paying towards a mortgage and renting his own place that I realise just how much he must have wasted on God knows what.

No, it doesn’t impress me either, Ex 1/FWB had sod all money and didn’t have what people would consider a proper job when we first met.

Ex 2 was a teacher at the top of his pay grade, so fairly decent, but he had a lot of debt from his marriage so most of his money went on that.

The guy I have seen a few times is a fairly low earner, again, not an issue.

If you like someone and they’re a nice person that should come first, not their pay packet.

daffodeffo well when I first met him out, I ended up staying over. Nothing happened though. So the first date was more of a first official date as we'd already spent a bit of time together, albeit drunk and hungover!

newchapter I've tried POF before. You are so right! At the beginning the notifications are crazy!!! You can turn them off though I think. When I log in I don't ever open the notifications about who has favourited me though. I usually just read the messages. Maybe that's where I went wrong.

I totally agree with what people are saying about the money. I'm not a flashy person either. I much prefer adventures over material things. So long as we have enough money for plenty of camping trips and are not penny pinching all the time then I'm happy. And obviously I'm talking about me paying my way too!

The guy I am supposed to be meeting at 2.30 today for coffee has either blocked me or deleted his profile on POF. We haven't messaged much but I checked yesterday and he told me he was looking forward to meeting me. I don't have his phone number. Would you still go or assume that you were going to be stood up?

lilyrose were you meeting in a place that's out of the way for you? Would it inconvenience you to go if he didn't turn up?

I think the probability is he isn't going to turn up. But there is a tiny chance that he might be one of those old fashioned people (like me) who makes an arrangement and then moves heaven and earth to honour it.

So on the off chance he is one of those nice people I might be tempted to go with a book but if he is there tell him that you didn't like the feeling that you might be stood up and his communication skills aren't what you expect.

Stealth I will be in the area as I am going to the gym close by so it won't be too inconvenient to walk the 10 minutes to the coffee shop where we were going to meet. It just seems odd as I could see that he was on POF a lot yesterday after he had confirmed that it was still on, but I can't see his profile now and the conversation we had has disappeared. I think this means that he had blocked me. I will go and buy myself a coffee but I am 95% certain he will not turn up ☹️

I wouldn’t go Lily

I don’t think he’ll be there, my dates are always confirmed just beforehand I.e. ‘leaving now’/ ‘be there in 30 mins’ without that I’d just assume time waster and not go.