Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Totally, completely and utterly making myself at home on the smitten bench. I've got some cushions, hung some pictures and am sprawled right across it 😳😊😊

Definitely make yourself at home. 😁

@JeSuisPrest Sorry you had bad news from your divorce solicitor.

Oooooh the smitten bench must be getting full up! Don’t worry you don’t have to budge up for me for the foreseeable. I am not jealous at all!!!

batshit happy birthday have a brill time.

So of all my irons the person I am having the best and most frequent banter with is Ms Cutie from my threesome 🙈. Unfortunately we have to agreed that although we really enjoyed it neither of us is actually bi

I have decided not to take Mr Big as my plus 1 to wedding. It will only lead to me reinvesting in him which I am not willing to do.

Quite looking forward to my walk and cake date with Mr Manflu tomorrow though

Totally, completely and utterly making myself at home on the smitten bench. I've got some cushions, hung some pictures and am sprawled right across it 😳😊😊

Definitely make yourself at home. 😁

@JeSuisPrest Sorry you had bad news from your divorce solicitor.

Hi all,

Great to hear so many of you enjoying dating!

Ive had a couple of women reply to me online - but - and have you ever had this, i ask them a question to keep the chat going, and they answer but dont ask anything back?

So i then comment and ask another question - which they politely answer but ask nothing about me.

Isnt this hard work?

Hello all,
Just wanted to say happy birthday bat
Thinking of you too
Welcome no
And sunshine I am a few years down the line and at peace with my exh leaving after over a decade together but agree with your sentiment from your post at 8.17 this morning - hugs to you x

Ash - I've had that a couple of times. I think it's fair to say that when the conversation isn't flowing as smoothly as you would hope, it's ok to acknowledge it, apologise for your own part in that and then move on. Or, if you think you've got things in common and do seriously like the look of them, see whether they are shy but interested by suggesting to meet face to face to break the ice.

Ash559 I have that A LOT. I ask questions about themselves, what they do for fun etc....they reply with a statement but nothing else, so it makes it hard work to have a conversation that flows.

Ash I would say that happens a fair bit on OLD (to women and men). I just see it as a sign that I'm not clicking with them and move on. If you've only been talking a short time, I would just leave it and stop messaging back (unless they are directly asking you something). It's usually a sign a woman isn't interested or can't think of anything interesting to ask!

some of the men I've clicked with the most and had the most amazing chemistry in messaging have turned out to be utter psychopaths so I wouldn't say it's the best measure of knowing whether you've going to work with someone relationship wise but it's the only measure you have on OLD

@Ash559 depends on what you original message was, if it was something like "What do you do for a living?" they will probably be bored by it and want to talk to someone else.

I try and inject a bit of banter, a bit of cheekiness and humour and then arrange a date before the conversation gets boring. When you are face to face with each other you either like each other or you don't

Yes it makes it hard to flow the chat. Its about effort isnt it? If a woman or man is happy to answer like they are on a gameshow, but not ask anything back, it puts too much pressure on 1 person

Vwman, i tack the question on the end of some cheeky or fun banter normally

Ash559 just accept that they simply dont feel it with you, it would be the same face to face

sunshine that’s exactly how I feel re stbxh. I signed up for the long haul and all the ups and downs associated with that. To be dumped (in my case) after 18 years really pissed me off that he left me with all the responsibilities, the kids, the cats, the broken kitchen cupboard etc. (And made me really sad of course!!)

Had a lovely first date with Mr Persia last night. Obviously just initial impressions but he is gorgeous!!! That’s the first time I’ve really thought that on a first OLD. We’ve arranged to see each other next week. Fingers crossed we get on second time round and I can eventually dtd with someone other than my stbxh this millennium!!!
Slightly concerned that I’ve got two dates booked with Mr Peck for ticketed events in May but is it leading someone on if you haven’t kissed them??? Advice welcomed...

ash that sounds like effort. And a bit rude of them. Do you have things on your profile people can ask questions about? Sometimes I struggle to think of things to say if it’s light on any info. But once the conversation gets going, it should be easier. Agree maybe suggest a low key date to see if it’s different in person. (And if they are non-commital or lukewarm about meeting up and you want to... move on...)

@Emojina Do you want/intend to kiss him? How many dates have you been on?

Yes, me and my exh had been married 13 years, together 17, known each other 23. He decided a child free woman 12 years our junior was a more attractive option and now I am led wondering if me and the kids are going to lose our home.

MrSAS is helping me smile though and is way better in bed than he ever was so every cloud...😂

sunshine sounds very similar to me, together 18, married 14, and known him about 26... ouch... glad you’ve found a silver lining!! I’m definitely much happier now the grief is well behind me.

I did want to kiss Mr Peck but there was never an opportunity on our three previous platonic dates... and no signals from him to respond to. He’s a really nice man, single dad, kind etc. I suggested lunch at his house for our 4th date (I have a lodger). He declined... so I think he’s perhaps not that into me. He did tell me he’s not a hugger... I love hugs...
but last night I got a lovely hug and a kiss on each cheek from Mr Persia and there was definitely more chemistry... argh...

I will of course continue to pay my share on our dates so it’s not like I’m taking financial advantage of Mr Peck. He’s bought me one cup of tea in three dates so not the most expensive mini relationship!

Lurk but never post on OLD threads, but due to an unpleasant incident on a first date this week Is there anywhere that you can warn others not to be taken in hook, line and sinker by a profile online? Said ‘gent’ is on Match. His profile great, but his actions not. You can report a profile but not the bloke!

@Lostmykeys Were you assaulted in some way or did he just not meet your expectations from what his profile led you to believe? In the first instance I'd say police, but if the second, I'd just chalk it up to experience and move on. What were the "actions" you weren't happy with?

@Emojina He did tell me he’s not a hugger... I love hugs... I'd be cutting my losses with Mr Peck. Neither of you seem that in to each other. "Not a hugger" would have me running for the hills towards the arms of someone else who loves hugs

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Shame about Ms Cutie, do you have to label it as "bi" or could you just agree to have an itch scratched every now and again? If I recall her bf wasn't very keen on being excluded? Good luck with Mr Manflu tomorrow though - hope you've got the Lemsip ready - or some Vicks to rub on his chest if the mood takes you.

@Sunshineandflipflops I'm another one guilty of wishing away time between dates, though we talk for hours on the phone and if we're not doing that we're WhatsApping like a couple of teenagers

@shitwithsugaron Oooh a chippy tea and a snog shag sounds like a fab night in, hope you're still loved up with Mr Bookworm - you're giving us all hope

@lovemusic33 hope you're okay

stealth similar experience here with my ex! It came as quite a revelation to realise how much communication we never had!

@JeSuisPrest more violated than assaulted. Completely let my guard down and got caught out. Trying to see it as a wake up call about trust! Will be putting down to experience, I don’t think the police would be interested as it was borderline and to begin with I agreed to his behaviour. It was the bare faced lying and the very quick exit after that I couldn’t believe. I’m
A serial dater too, so should have known better. Just completely misinterpreted this wanker who is a public sector professional from Sheffield 😞

@Lostmykeys it was borderline and to begin with I agreed to his behaviour. No. Just no. It doesn't matter at what stage of the proceedings you decide you don't want to carry on. It sounds to me like you're trying to minimise something that potentially may be serious

Lost hope you're okay - sounds like you've had a fright. No is always no, doesn't matter what you said in the beginning.

Oh emojina that made me laugh! Mr Persia sounds awesome