Dating Thread 158 - Don't wait until the iron is hot to strike

[Greenland55]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Better not neuter. Neutered would be a deal breaker

@Bythecooker if he is not chasing I would suggest that he is not that keen and perhaps does not have the confidence to tell you. I am sure there are better men out there for you if you decide that you do not like it

Thanks @vwman. I think you're right. I guess he's just replied out of politeness, if you was interested he would be trying to fix a date. I think it's pretty spineless to not say though. I'll leave it now.

Bythecooker can I give a different view point?

What if he's just shy and thinks you haven't shown enough interest? He hasn't ghosted you or blocked you like most people seem to do so why don't you chat some more or ask him out again? The worst that can happen is he says no, or dumps you or then ghosts you. The best that can happen is a successful date.

Obviously dignity is important but if this is a guy who you never need to see again (i.e. isn't in your social group) then a lack of dignity means you can just block. But at least you won't be wondering if he was 'the one' you let get away, you'll know either way. If it were me I would regret not doing something far more than doing something.

@Bythecooker if he has come straight back to you then he is showing some decency as he has not ignored you. In your shoes I would ask him if he fancies meeting up again - maybe suggest a day or a specific activity like going for a drink or a meal. I don't think you will lose any dignity by doing that. It's not like going up to a stranger on a train and asking for a date

And if he says no, or doesn't reply, you can hold your head high as you have done nothing wrong.

Thanks everyone, I have said I'd rather know and does he fancy a drink. Like you say, better to know than to guess and who cares if I look a bit desperate, I most likely won't bump into him and even if I did it's not a crime I've committed!!

Back from my date, had a good time, really nice guy, looked nothing like his photo but looked ok. May have had a bit of a snog before going home.

Lovemusic a daytime snog - you raver you! I wonder why he used a photo that didn't resemble him. Was it an old photo or just one that really didn't look like him?

LilyRose possibly a old photo, he looked a bit older in the flesh and maybe a bit bigger (though he isn’t fat). I wasn’t sure when I first saw him if i found him attractive but after spending a few hours with him and seeing him smile a lot he kind of grew on me. We seem to have the same sense of humour and there were no awkward silences. I wasn’t really expecting the snog but he did kind of ask before making a move.

Hi all, just checking in as have date no 2 tonight with mr races. We snogged several times on Monday- weirdest maybe longest first day ever. Feel nervous about meeting again still though

I prefer a snog on the first date if I like them. I remember the first date with MrFox and it was a very awkward kiss on the cheek that moved to the lips but then remained awkward! I posted about it on here at the time, it was so awkward I wasn't going to see him again- glad I changed my mind!

I love my chin being cupped or my face held as I'm kissed (MrFox does this 😊) and I like running my hands through their hair. That's just me though, I'm quite a passionate and tactile person.

I think sometimes you have to have a snog to see if there’s a connection? I think that’s what happened today as he cheekily said ‘come here, I just want to try something’ 🤣.

Crustaceans My exH was also a bad kisser, I never enjoyed kissing him, he wouldn't get past a second date now but the relationship lasted 25 years. There's lots of things I enjoy doing more with MrMetal, which considered there was a time I couldn't even imagine kissing someone new is quite some progress.

@30somethingandsingle that's what I love. I'm quite a passionate person myself so I need that.

@Lovemusic33 agree! So pleased you got your kiss today

@Sunshineandflipflops one date only and I managed a hug without any serious injuries or having a panic attack

I jest, but a few years ago I realised that I had gone a good ten years with virtually zero physical contact with anyone except my brother's pet dogs, it was the point when I saw that things really had to change.

These things are just problems I am going to have to overcome, deconstructing these long term boundaries is hard work.

At least sending a WhatsApp message is now possible without being overcome by irrational fear. Thanks all for your feedback, just hearing opinions is helpful.

Though I am starting to think vwman is an AI bot regurgitating lines from bad Hollywood teen movies

30something
I love my chin being cupped or my face held as I'm kissed (MrFox does this) and I like running my hands through their hair. That's just me though, I'm quite a passionate and tactile person.

Oh yes...🔥🔥

Date number 7(?) with Mr Cornish tonight. He's a face cupper, but also has a fantastic "Hollywood style" move - lean you back with one hand on lower back and one at the nape of my neck , knees bent and in for a long passionate snog holding my whole bodyweight. Yeah, big guys rock 😍

Well he didn't reply so I guess that's my answer. I know it's only a few hours but he would find the time to fire of a quick one if it was a yes. Oh well, I'm still pleased I did it because at least now I know for sure!

I’ve had a bit of a shit day. Went to see my solicitor to try and get things a bit clearer in my head about he house and where me and the kids stand. Wasn’t particularly what I wanted to hear. Then a series of small things happened which I would usually rise above but added to the solicitors appt ended up with me in tears while cooking dinner.
MrSAS was lovely over WhatsApp though and said he’d like to give me a hug and not long until he can come round and give me a massage (6 days and counting).

I told him that I didn’t want to burden him with my impeding divorce as he has already been through his own but he said it’s not a burden or stress at all. He’s just lovely and I can’t help but feel something’s going to go wrong 😭

cggirr longest first date I had lasted 19 hours!ultimately didn't amount to a ltr though (not would I have wanted it too-too many red flags/incompatibilities).
jesuis that kiss sounds amazing
by I think you handled it well and at least you now know
starry keep going-you're doing well. If it were me I don't think I would mention having never been kissed-just try not to overthink it and when the time feels right with the right lady then go for it! Personal information like that can always be disclosed at a later date once you have developed a deeper connection with someone and if they're the right person for you they will be understanding and accepting of it.

Getting nervous about face to face chat. Have also had all sorts of general life bullsh* to deal with this week and while in isolation all manageable, accumulatively it has led to me feeling drained and anxious. Thanks daffo* the problem is I don't know what outcome I want other than to remain on good terms with him.He is a lovely guy and the situation he's dealing with will definitely reach a resolution but it will take time to see whether it will continue to be difficult to manage in the future.The other potential issue I don't know him well enough to know whether it's an issue or not but my gut is warning me...
apologies for being cryptic just don't want to out myself

X post sunshine sorry to hear you've had a bad day - sounds much like mine and there are similarities between the issues you're dealing with and my bf are facing. Sounds like Mr SAS is handling it well though-it is hard as naturally you want to lean on them for support but don't want to transfer any of your angst to them. Just having an agreement to only spend 10mins for example ok discussing crap before getting on and having an nice time together can work well I find.

It sounds very tricky coco. I think it helps to think what you might want - I must be honest you don't sound like you completely want the situation you're both in but you obviously like him that you want to stay friends :).

When is your chat?

Work conferences are always boring, but bloody hell they really outdid themselves today, I have never been so tempted to gouge out my own eyeballs. Then you get the twats who keep asking questions, just shut up and we can get out of this living hell quicker.

Whinge over.

So we went to mine for lunch break, set an alarm on my phone for five minutes before we needed to leave so we wouldn’t be late 😂 it turned out to be a very good idea! He mentioned who everyone says he looks like today and how annoying it is (we got on to this as he thinks I look like a famous violinist (i have been told I do a few times), which is slightly awkward as said violinist and I share an ex) I had also noticed that he looks like this person which is a bit cringe as he looks like Finn Wolfhard with shorter hair, but obviously also an adult version!

Thanks daffo all I know is I need to step back from things as they are now but don't want to write him off completely if there is a chance of a future if all things get ironed out.

This evening btw - will update later