I have to leave him, don't I?

[MeltedEggMum]

Yesterday my husband attacked me.

We have had our ups and downs like all couples, nothing out of the ordinary I thought.

Before he attacked me we were having a good day, he was off work, we had the plumber in, everything was chilled.

I left to do the school run and came home to him feeling stressed because the toddler had made a mess of talc upstairs. I joked with him a bit to try to diffuse the situation but he suddenly turned nasty.

He grabbed me by the throat and slapped me around the face three times.

I froze. I couldn't believe it was happening. He walked away from me and as we went downstairs he threatened to do it again.

Luckily I had my phone on me and I called the police straight away.

They arrested him and he was given a caution late last night - he's staying with a friend.

There's no fixing this, is there? He's ruined everything. I'm still in shock. Yesterday morning I had a normal life.

Thanks. Lots to do. I wish tomorrow wasn't a BH.

Oh honey, you are stronger than you feel. You are actually doing this. I'm so proud of you. You are doing the right thing for you and your kids!

That was the first thing my ex did, grabbed me by the throat, lifted me off the ground.I, naively, put it down to the stress of moving, two houses into one.
Two months later I was in hospital with concussion and a badly damaged leg, from being pushed down our wooden staircase.
Please get out, while you can.

Out with DC for the day. He should be getting his stuff.

I'm worried about what I will come home to. I am going to ask a friend to come home with us tonight.

I hope the house and contents will be okay when you get back today. Hopefully you will be as well.

Just to say I'm thinking of you. Going home with a friend is a wise move, you're a wise, strong woman. It's hard and you're hurting but you are doing everything right, for you and your children.

Sounds like you are a sensible , strong brave woman

It will get better

You are doing the right thing !!!

Thank you.

I lost the toddler in the museum today. Everything was fine, found straight away with museum staff, everyone fine, but I nearly had a panic attack. My back was turned for just a moment.

I've just made copies of my certificates so I can enrol in an HE course with my local university. Onwards.

OP - you are an inspiration. You are strength and courage and you are teaching your daughter the same. Remember that.

No one has the right to assault another person least of all the person who is supposed to love you.

He is the ONLY villain here and his cronies can mansplain away but you know the truth. You know who is really is.

Well done for being brave enough to say 'no more!'

He got his stuff, left a loving note to DC, (which she cannot read) and left his keys through the letterbox after locking up.

Much easier than I'd hoped. Thank God.

What did the note say OP? Nothing bad I hope

No, it was nice. Nothing addressed to me.

I felt nothing. I nothing him.

I am in awe of you - the way you responded immediately after the event, and the way you've continued. Amazing strength xxx

I feel awful tbh. But I can't take him back, so what else could I do?

My emotions are everywhere, so are the DC. It's the worst. But not really, because continuing to live with him would have been the worst.

This thread has been so wonderful. Thank you all. I will need you this week.

Gosh just seen this thread. Well done you brave lady. Reminds me how the internet can be a force for good. I'm glad you have RL support but also know that this community is Hereford you virtually. Sending shed loads of hugs from South London

Unless there's mitigating circumstances (and by this I mean he's mentally ill basically) then there's no going back. There's a difference between mutual lashing out (still not good but equally not good) and grabbing by the throat. I'm not excusing domestic violence in anyway but this is at the serious end of the spectrum, women die when grabbed by the throat in anger even when the man didn't intend to kill (btw I know there's sane sex domestic violence, and female to men but mostly here we are talking about male to female.)

Get professional support as well as that of family and friends, and ask for support for your daughter who witnessed it. He's in the wrong and whilst the police may not proceed with prosecution it doesn't lessen what he did

I'm glad he's not been awkward about leaving, OP. It'll be tough, but you've done the right thing.

We'll be here for you lass.

You’re being very, very brave, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Just make sure that, when you're in the house, especially when you are sleeping, you keep the key turned in the lock - in case he's had duplicates made. Keep the chain on during the day for safety.

You are amazing OP.

Please tell yourself that every day.

And remember all of us are here for you

I’d still change the locks in case there is a spare he has forgotten somewhere. Just for your own peace of mind.

What are you looking into doing at uni?

You are doing so well, don’t be surprised if you hit a low shortly after all the adrenaline starts to leave your system. Take care of yourself

You are doing the right thing. You are setting a great example to your DD.

And if you feel yourself wavering just remember what message you'd be sending her if you took him back. Watching one parent batter the other is so damaging for DC.

I m so sorry this has happened to you but you sound like a bright, strong woman dear @Meltedeggmum
This sentence gave me shivers. I just realised i do the same both when i meet DF and often when DH has one of his angry moods
"I used to invite people round on purpose in order to force him to be well behaved. He wouldn't snarl at us/DC with witnesses. Only on our own"
Thank you for your support in my thread
You are so strong and brave, what an inspiration
Hugs

You are very strong. And you are doing what needs to be done to take care of yourself and your children.