Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What secrets do you have from your DH?

94 replies

sarahj89 · 26/04/2019 23:02

I know people might not want to ‘out’ themselves here. I just wondered how common big secrets were in marriages/long term relationships.

Mine are:

  • I was raped by a supposed friend when DH and I had just started dating. I never told him or anyone else about this and actually only acknowledged to myself that it was rape a couple of years after it happened. Just felt very ashamed for a long time, and now I don’t tell him because I don’t know what good it would do now and he would think less of me.
  • I stalk DH’s ex online most days! Mad I know...
OP posts:
toycar · 26/04/2019 23:29

im so sorry you were violated by a supposed friend - appalling.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 27/04/2019 11:30

I'm so sorry to hear this. And that it was a friend too 😢Thanks

sundi · 28/04/2019 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummaofmytribe · 28/04/2019 12:25

Sorry to hear that OP. I had the same experience years ago and didn't really click that it was rape for some time. You go into a weird survival mode I think. Best wishes Flowers
And no, I've never told either and I'm married

Shoxfordian · 28/04/2019 12:32

Would he really think less of you because you were raped? That's awful

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/04/2019 13:22

I'm sorry you were raped Thanks

Both of these seem quite concerning. Do you have friends or anyone you could talk to about them both? Have you considered a therapist?

Do you think they are linked?

bigchris · 28/04/2019 13:25
Sad

My dh doesn't know I've been smoking about 5 cigarettes a day since Christmas due to stress at work

HollowTalk · 28/04/2019 13:26

Doesn't he ever kiss you on the mouth, @bigchris?

bigchris · 28/04/2019 19:17

I smoke early in the day , have chewing gum, spray perfume,maybe he's lost his sense of smell !

reindeermania · 28/04/2019 19:47

Bigchris- my dh used to have a secret smoking habit- he was smoking 2/3 a day. He had gum and brushed his teeth and used perfume, showers when he comes in etc and OF COURSE I knew. There is NO WAY a non smoker wouldn't know. I didn't tell dh I knew but obviously it's his business not mine.

My dh doesn't know how many people I've slept with, or that I can't rise a bike

bellalou1234 · 28/04/2019 19:49

Big chris this is me! Only i keep nearly getting caught. And my other secret my debt

bigchris · 28/04/2019 19:49

Aw Bella glad it's not just me !!

bigchris · 28/04/2019 19:51

The fags domt help with the debt lol

He also doesn't know how many people I've slept with or that I've slept with one of my best friends ( a girl )

Ooh bike is a good one ! Domt you go in family bike rides?!!

millythepink · 28/04/2019 20:04

My DH has no idea that his best mate harbours very strong feelings for me.

PeachNut · 28/04/2019 20:08

How do you know, @millythepink ?

bigchris · 28/04/2019 20:22

Ooh milly like love actually!

whitehalleve · 28/04/2019 20:31

That I have a LOT of money he knows nothing about. It's just never come up. I had it before we met.

SummersB · 28/04/2019 20:42

My obsession with Buffy&Spike fanfic. I don’t think he would think anything less of me, he would just find it a bit odd and I’m too embarrassed to ever mention it.

LinoleumBlownapart · 28/04/2019 20:43

That his sister's husband is physically abusive towards her.

happymummy12345 · 28/04/2019 20:45

Nothing. My dh knows everything about me.

funnylittlefloozie · 28/04/2019 21:26

There are loads of things MrFloozie doesn't know about me, but we've only been together 10 months, so that's the way it should be!

dementedma · 28/04/2019 21:28

That I have my own savings account

BetLynchStyle · 28/04/2019 21:31

So sorry that you were raped OP Flowers

No big secrets here but whenever I get my hair done I go out for food afterwards with my friend (also my hairdresser). DH always moans about how long my hair takes and then I go home and have to eat another dinner to not give the game away Blush

LinoleumBlownapart · 29/04/2019 00:25

funnylittlefloozie

If you want to make it to 11 months, if I were you, I'd add the fact that you refer to him as MrFloozie to that list Wink

SwordofGryffindor · 29/04/2019 00:44

OP I didn't tell anyone for 3 years when I was raped. I came out after hearing patients come out to me and other staff. If not your partner please please tell a medical professional.