Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

I'm with @MrDrummer. These FB groups don't sit well with me. Surely every relationship dynamic is different? I'm not proud of some of my past behaviour in relationships (however short lived), but I like to think it won't be held against me in the future with a new partner (I'm not talking about physical abuse). I could say my behaviour was in response to the man's behaviour and justified, but that's subjective. I could have been the bigger person and walked away but emotions and investment got in the way. What I consider acceptable may not be to someone else. I've never deliberately set out to hurt someone, but can see that my actions in trying to reduce my own hurt have impacted others in ways I hadn't considered.

Totally anonymous @StealthNinjaMum I just want to have a look to see what's been said about this previous guy

@JeSuisPrest I agree, but I really don't see the harm in having a look to see if a certain guy has been well known for his behaviour with other women. Hence why I just want to check.

Unfortunately in the world we live in, we can't control social media all we can do is choose to look or not.

I've left already. Feeling slightly grubby. But I have learned about a new kink. Emetophilia! I have low level emetophobia and I know it's prevalent on MN so I can't quite believe it's actually a thing. Wear high heels and underwear, puke in a bowl and rub it in. Aaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhhhhh runs for antibacterial gel

And yes it's another unpleasant gender dividing tool. We're all people with our various social brain washing,

@stealthninjamum nothing is anonymous on the internet. And definitely not on Facebook. Thought your groups were available to your friends, actually.

I suppose I feel uncomfortable with it too but a tiny bit nosey I'm sure my ex could find bad things to say about me too.

Unfortunately in the world we live in, we can't control social media all we can do is choose to look or not.

Respectfully, I disagree with this statement. Publishers would not exist if there was no consumers. As individuals we cannot control it, but as collective, we do. It's a cliche, but it's so true: if you aren't part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

@mrdrummer I think some groups are hidden but I don't use Facebook enough to know. In general I assume everything I say online could be traced back to me and try not to be offensive or defamatory. I'm sure these pages have to be against some kind of data protection law.

@Peanuthedz That is just gross. Can you imagine that conversation when discussing fantasies - makes my kitchen table one seem v.tame 😂. I'll take boring over having to get the bleach out after a sesh any day of the week. 🤮🤢

On the other hand guys like lifegoes shitty man could be spreading diseases, hurting women all over the place and it's a shame they get away with it.

Disagree Drummer the social media is far too large collectively to own any form of control. Not going on something isn't going to stop it happening. If it was THAT easy social media bullying would have been tackled a long time ago.

Social media is a great tool if used correctly I agree. But if you don't want to be part of something don't go on it.

Whilst I'm not sitting and saying these groups are great. After hearing he has been named on this site I'm more inclined to look. What I then choose to do about it is my choice.

People sit in a pub and discuss men/women's behaviour without them being able to defend themselves, similar in general day to day life.

As for groups, this group is closed, it seems to have a lot of terms and conditions around it. It's not been closed by FB which It could be if violated their T&C

@StealthNinjaMum Exactly this!

I just want to know if what I've heard is true. It's the strange side of me unfortunately. I personally don't think I'm doing anything wrong in doing so.

And what if someone wants revenge on somebody, then can make up a bunch of lies and post it on those pages. There are no checks or balances, no chance to defend oneself if accused.

I kinda think people can also make up all sorts and slate people on those kinds of sites. What is true and what are just the actions of spurned partners?

They could also just post it all over any social media site, they could go around telling people.

People will always tell a story, it's how you react to it that says more.

Prick Advisor looks awesome!! Has anyone been accepted yet?

you do seem to be attracted to narcissists. I am too. I find them way more attractive over 'normal & nice' guys. It's truly a repeating thing in my life.

This is me too. We need to get to the bottom of it. I suspect my late father was a narcissist, maybe this has programmed me to see narcissism as the default norm for my life?

For those attracted to narcissists, did you have a narcissistic parent?

Not yet @LooUpdate

I had a narcissist father. It's totally why I pick them. I think we touched on it last night with @ItsAMiracle2015 it's like a drug but also I was told I associate love/feelings with abuse (narcissistic abuse)

@lifegoes I am speaking generally, not against you personally. I would be tempted to do the same as you, in your case. Wouldn't be the first time I have knowingly gone against my principles.

And what if someone wants revenge on somebody, then can make up a bunch of lies and post it on those pages. There are no checks or balances, no chance to defend oneself if accused.

For me, it would be the accumulation of reports. So, if several women have reported a man, that would be pretty strong evidence he is a prick. Also if only one woman has reported a man and I am dating that man and experiencing similar behaviour from him, I will get the validation I need and cut the relationship shorter. This is very useful, particularly for men that gaslight.

This groups as the claire's law of the internet. I think they are fab.

Oh god, last night! Sorry guys. I think I needed a blow out tho. Cleared the cobwebs and now I know where I'm at. Which is, in love !

Thanks @MrDrummer.

Thankfully my msgs to MrWow were coherent and grammatically correct!

. Good to see you back.

Forgot to say I attempted to flirt with a man in real life today and got caught in a hurricane so he nearly ran into a dishevelled, gurning, inappropriately scantily clad middle aged woman. I think he noticed me!

100% agree @LooUpdate if I had seen this said post about my previous guy, with over 5 women saying that he has a GF, uses women etc. I would never have gone away with him or DTD. It would have ended no questions asked.

You're welcome @TooOldForThis67

Glad you are okay. 🤗

Stealth - I can just picture that, lol. And thanks for the coffee and sarny, much needed.