The next stage of my life WILL be better...

[Dumbledior]

New thread for me to moan...

Tanee - yes, I would sleep with him if h and I split. I am in need of a good s**g at the moment .

dior , i wasnt meaning you were actively chasing him, i'm sorry if that's how it came across.

i just meant that your confidence is so low that you might come across as needy and overly attaching significance to every conversation you may have with him, which could freak him

sorry if you got the wrong end of the stick

i think you need his reassurance because things are so bad with your h, if you were more assured in yourself you wouldnt be needing to try and gain his attention

I know you weren't Lou, I just didn't want to make people think I was trying too hard.

Dior - more good news. Your mojo was asking today when it will be ok to go home! I said whenever you want it to.

Lol Pan. Thanks - you are too kind.

who am i to talk tho, i've had 4 useless dates and about to embark on another one, when i have the feeling the poor guy is going to be scarred from our meeting

i am not exactly successful with my relationships!

Yes, but Lou, the men want to see you . Keep smiling.

I have discovered that my sister is not in the office today. It made me feel like I didn't want to be in either. I'm not used to feeling like this about my current job. It feels horrible.

On a more pleasant note, h and I are drifting along pleasantly. I know that I can't be in the marriage for much longer, but I am enjoying the drifting while it lasts. I have a feeling that this week's Relate session might herald the end of it though!

at least you arent arguing dior

yeh they want to see me but i dont have a thing for gimps and clowns lol

Lou but also IYKWIM!

Today was weird at work. I have lost the family feeling and it all seems like 'just' a job now. I am gutted as it really seemed something special to me for 6 months. G was pleasant and so was I. I hardly spoke to him, but was friendly when I did. So was he. I think I may have misunderstood the 'twinkle' in his eye when he looked at me. Maybe it is just there for women anyway. Oh well, onwards and upwards. I know I need to sort out my own life first anyway. I just wish I didn't have that little bit of me that clings to the hope of him. (And I have a suspicion I know what the little bit is ).

Sort of looking forward to Thursday and not looking forward to it. Weird feeling. Not sure if I'm ready to tell him it is over, but also not sure if I ever would be.

honestly i dont think there ever is a time to say it that feels right iyswim

i told my h in a relate session, well screamed it really

its always goingt o be painful and hard even if you want it

I know I don't HAVE to say it this week if I am not ready. The counsellor is going to try to get him to admit that he has 'ishoooos' . He wants h to see that it is not ME that is the problem in the relationship but rather his past problems, whatever they are.

tbh i think with something like the end of your marriage, you can always find a reason to try and not say it is done, as you are so aware of the implications and how painful it will be, and being a person who cares about others feelings, you try not to hurt them.

even if you know that by staying you are ultimately causing more long term pain

as much as i was sure my marriage was over and done with, it was still incredibly painful to stand up and actually say that to my h, because i just didnt want to cause so much pain to him and the children

but it would have been more damaging to them in the long term if we had plodded along in a marriage that i felt was slowly killing me

now that may sound selfish but it isnt, as i couldnt bear the thought of not only my future being irreparably damaged by staying with him, but by the kids seeing a destructive relationship and thinking they might repeat that example in their future ones

and my exh had to realise that his behaviour was not right, which would give him a chance to rectify that with any future relationships he might have

i just didnt want them crying one more time when they thought we were rowing, it was breaking my heart and theirs

Yes, I feel the same. Whenever I think it might be ok if I stay, I remember that I will still feel like this and it becomes clear that it has to be done. I feel very sad because, despite his relationship attitude, he can be a lovely man.

Hi Dior, my work computer is fixed - hooray! My boss says no more MNing for me but he's still curious about what the hot topic is today - he's gay so doesn't have women problems - just man ones (he & I both have depressive partners )

I can see why you're reluctant to confront H with the end of the marriage, if things are coasting along nicely. But be prepared for him not to acknowledge his 'ishoos'. He may never reach that stage. I agree with Lou, it's easy not to face up to ending a marriage because you don't want to cause pain. I was very cowardly and didn't. My marriage only ended because my exh finally confronted me about my affair. Otherwise I think things could have dragged on for years because he was a kind man and a good father, and loved me in his strange, sexless way. I would have just had dp on the side as an occasional treat - which wasn't fair to anyone, but as I said, I was a coward. It was upsetting to split up, the worst part being the sheer agony I could see exh and dd going through. Dd's pain almost broke my heart. But it WAS worth it. Friends said I looked 10 year younger, and dd is fine about it now. The saddest part is that my ex and I don't really talk except about dd. It would have been nice to be friends, but I only say that, if I'm honest, because he's a good man and I still feel guilty about the affair with dp. But that's something I'll have to live with.

Well, another crap day at work. Horrible. I think my state of mind is affecting work now, whereas work used to pull me out of that frame of mind. My sis snapped at me, and although she apologised, it is synonomous with the general feeling in the office now. My boss is in most days and G is running around like a headless chicken. The boss is in a slight strop because his business is not going as well as it could. It is all horrible.

H and I have stopped kissing goodbye now apart from in the morning. He used to say, 'Don't I get a kiss?' if I tried to go out without giving him one, but now he doesn't. I think he has given up. Not sure how I feel about it all TBH. Actually, I feel incredibly depressed at the moment if I'm honest. I can't sort any of my problems out in my head because they just seem too big to cope with. My ADs are not helping at all. WHY?

Good luck tonight BTW Lou . It is tonight isn't it?

yes

another couple of hours of me thinkg wtf am i doing here?

Well, I hope it goes alright.

Look what I found today. My first ever thread that I started. Note the common theme...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=2792#53016

thanks

and at the thread

Read the thread -

Re the depression - although im off my original ADs, the medication I take for SI is also licensed as an AD i think. And I feel really down for the first time in ages. Mood plummeted last week.

I wonder if its actually sadness we're experiencing now, rather than depression? To me it feels like mourning, i keep thinking about what Im losing, and what might never happen again, finding it less easy to focus on the positive aspects of the future.

Its not helping that P is still floating in his fantasy wonderland where I will take on the mortgage but give him half the profit if I sell it.

I have finally convinced him we need to see a solicitor, preferably one dealing with family law, but he's not happy about it.

SS . The men on here seem to have it so easy. They bugger off and do their thing, leaving the women coping with the grief and the children. Then they see the children when it suits THEM!

Not that my situation is the same. I think h will be devastated not to have ds around all the time. Having said that, he is always telling him off, so maybe he will appreciate him more when he DOES see him.

Dior, oh dear, I've just read through your old thread. He didn't change, did he? for both of you. It made very sad reading and I can't believe you've put up with him behaving in the same way all these years.

Really sorry work's so tense, too. It sounds like it's not just you, but everyone's on edge because of business not going well. Makes my struggles with computers seem very tame (my boss's was acting up today, and they've all gone off for the Ealing election so I had to sort it out alone - and I know nothing about computers...).

Is h going to Relate with you tonight? He should be over his cold by now - or has he found another excuse? Sorry he's not kissing you any more. It does, sadly, sound like the penny is finally, slowly dropping. You WILL feel sad - the death of a marriage IS a death, and unless one of the partners was vicious and cruel, you're bound to mourn the promise that the relationship once had, and the good things that remain. I hope he does go with you, though, as it's so important for ds that you try to retain the friendship aspect (wish I had that with exh - we're just polite now, no more). And Relate might help him understand that you are not taking this decision lightly - and that maybe he needs to change if he's ever to have a good, balanced relationship again.

good luck tonight dior