MIL forgot to cook my dinner!

[NannaNoodleman]

DH, DS, DD, & I went to PILs' house for the day.

There's a back story and it hasn't been the easiest relationship but we're all making an effort for the children.

Anyway, MIL served up food for the children and as I was helping the kids with their food she served up food for the adults. She served up food for my BIL & his wife, DH's Dad, my DH, and herself.

DH said "what about Nanna" and she laughed and said she'd forgotten but I could have an extra slice of pizza later (for tea - I didn't! ).

Is it possible she could've forgotten my dinner? I usually know how many people I'm catering for.

What passive aggressive message is she trying to send me?

Your update confirms this, counselling for DH and never see them again .... your children will be aware of this as you realise

Still sending hugs

there not they

How unbelievably rude and ill mannered of your MIL.
You deserve these for putting up with her.

Apart from your husband, no one else offered or re-plated all those dinners to include you ? What a shower of shits! If no one called her out on her fuckwittery - they are all complicit in the action. Hope she enjoyed the moment. It would have to last a long time if I was on the receiving end of that treatment.

Just seen your updates
She's a cunt and your h isn't much better, I agree with pp about your children noticing her treatment of you.

OP if their behaviour is that bad and you have to work so hard to maintain the relationship, why do it? You and your DH don't have to put up with being disrespected.

You should read up a bit on dysfunctional families - Out of the Fog is a good website to start with. Not trying to do an armchair diagnosis but it might be something to read up on in case any of it resonates.

Next time take a fuck off picnic for yourself, or order yourself a takeaway to her house.

DH does need counselling regarding them.

They been hideous to him over the years and we're low contact. They usually visit us on our terms and are on their best behaviour.

They "disowned" DH when DS was a poorly premature neonate in NICU because we'd given DS my surname.

It almost sent DH over the edge. We've discussed counselling but then they "changed".

This is very hard.

Did anyone else notice and say anything?

That’s horrendous behaviour

Myself and my children would never be setting foot through their front door ever again. That’s disgusting.
Never mind them disowning your husband, he should be disowning them!

I don't want them near my children. I don't want them near my husband.

There is nothing you can do about DH but I do agree you shouldn't be seeing them and neither should the DC.

If DH won't agree to this then you have a DH, not a PIL problem.

Disgusting behaviour from MIL.
I wouldn't be bothering to visit again.

That's terrible! It's straight up rude and obviously deliberate as any normal person would've eked out an extra portion. When I've accidentally misjudged, I take a smaller portion. MIL will sit there scoffing what should've been my meal if she unexpectedly stays for dinner, and I'll have a noticeably smaller meal than anyone else, I thought it was bad enough that she never insists on a more equal split but for your MIL to miss you out completely is off the scale!!

Scrap the picnic. Don't go.

Next time you go, (if you have to!) bring a delicious drink in a contigo cup and a delightful lunch in a Tupperware, keep them concealed in backpack until someone says, ‘er, isn’t nanna getting a drink/lunch’ then you can say brightly, ‘oh don’t bother about ME, passive-aggressiveMIL, sure I have a lovely coconut latte right here’ .

Otherwise it all sounds too batshit to handle.

Go NC yourself and your children, encourage OH to do this as well.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

Your DH has done something wrong: he didn't immediately tell his mother this was unacceptable and allows his mother to treat you badly generally and in front of him, in front of his extended family, and in front of his own children. This is not on. SHe should have been dealt with immediately and he should have helped you and the children get your things together and leave immediately.

He needs to get over the idea of estrangement and put it in place himself while he seeks counselling to address his need to keep this horrible woman in his life.

So sad. Heartbreaking.

That's not passive aggressive that's full on arsehole aggressive. What a cunt

Look there is obviously a back story here so everyone saying how they'd tell her to go fuck themselves and stomp out great but you aren't in that situation.

You shouldn't have to put up with being treated badly to try and repair their relationship though, and you can't keep going to visit for them to treat you like that however supportive you would like to be to DH as he attempts to salvage a relationship.

It's BASIC stuff isn't it, you aren't asking for fawning but not being offered or given food & drinks it really shows they haven't changed, it sounds like some sort of pathetic mind game.

Very difficult and I sympathise as I am no contact with my parents after decades of abuse. Although I could never stick up for myself around my mother, I could and did stick up for DH without fail.

So really your DH should have been able to call his bitch of a mother out for your sake, if not his own.

He needs counselling ASAP. If he wants to see them again that’s up to him but if I were you I wouldn’t go and don’t let him take the children. Don’t worry about your dcs; toxic grandparents are worse than no grandparents. It’s not good for the children to see their grandparents bully you and DH and for neither of you to assert yourselves. I understand how difficult it is but the sooner you all go No Contact with these people, the better. They’ve shown who they are.

What’s the point of you ‘working’ on your relationship with your ILs if they don’t work on it too?

They sound toxic.

I’d cut them right out.

Maybe your h needs counselling. Has he read the stately homes thread?

I came on to suggest bringing a concealed packed lunch too but I wouldn’t do the tinkly laugh thing. I would just crack on with my delicious self prepared feast (maybe include an alcoholic beverage). If any one asks just say ‘MIL doesn’t cook for me, it’s just one of those things’. That or order a pizza with the same matter of fact explanation.

But in reality I wouldn’t ever stay there over a meal time again. When it’s time for her to dish up, I would round up the kids and say my goodbyes.

Agree I wouldn't go back with DC at this point. You tried, she was a dick so you did your bit.

Yes. Ignore all of the advice given here, OP, except HauntedPencil's. 🙄