MIL forgot to cook my dinner!

[NannaNoodleman]

DH, DS, DD, & I went to PILs' house for the day.

There's a back story and it hasn't been the easiest relationship but we're all making an effort for the children.

Anyway, MIL served up food for the children and as I was helping the kids with their food she served up food for the adults. She served up food for my BIL & his wife, DH's Dad, my DH, and herself.

DH said "what about Nanna" and she laughed and said she'd forgotten but I could have an extra slice of pizza later (for tea - I didn't! ).

Is it possible she could've forgotten my dinner? I usually know how many people I'm catering for.

What passive aggressive message is she trying to send me?

[Prequelle]

So what did he say to her then?

[MrsGrannyWeatherwax]

Seriously annoyed on your behalf! What rude behaviour

I hope that your DH has had some serious words with his mother or is planning to!

[Prequelle]

You need to think about the way your kids are seeing you being treated. As they grow older they're going to see the blatant disrespect and their dad not doing anything about it.

[ticketsonsalenow]

What sort of a meal was it that there was absolutely nothing she could have served up for you?

Were there no seconds waiting in the kitchen or leftovers or anything?

If I ever accidentally made a faux pas like that I'd be mortified. She clearly wasn't.

[LongTermHold]

This is too weird. What did DH say to MIL?

Sorry, but that is dreadful. But OTOH if it was genuinely a mistake - which it may be! - there wasn’t much she could do once it was done.

[NannaNoodleman]

DH didn't do anything wrong. It's a complicated situation for us all.

We go to their house 1-2 times per year because of their behaviour. Things are difficult for him too.

I was hoping for a rationale explanation and a good excuse. We've worked so hard on our relationship with them I don't want this to be "a thing".

[MissClareRemembers]

A decent host would offered theirs IF it was a genuine mistake.

[HauntedPencil]

Woah that's weird isn't it.

I can imagine why you and DH carried on though, I've been in situations where after you think why on earth didn't I just walk out.

If it was genuine I mean just possibly you'd plate everything and as you were sat with the kids it might have happened you'd be surely apologising profusely and trying to sort it out, get more etc.

God knows, some people are just very very strange. I would feel very unwelcome

[NannaNoodleman]

It was pasta so she could have divided some up for me. She breezed over it and made it seem perfectly acceptable.

[ContessaIsOnADietDammit]

Sakura it's the sort of dickish thing Mumsnetters have reported their MILs doing at various times over the years; I didn't say it justified the action, just that it sadly wouldn't be the first time I'd heard of it!

I agree with the poster above me re respect and kids picking up on the lack of it.

[Troels]

There is no rational explanation or good excuse, it's time to stop bothering going there all together and your Dh needs to contact his Mum and set her straight, nasty cow she is.

[Cornishqween]

I'd have expected dh to grab the kids and walk us out of there and tell mil why.

It's an absolutely disgraceful way to treat someone in her home. She'd be lucky if she didn't end up wearing some of her dinner

[NannaNoodleman]

We did have a chat on the drive back about how that looks to our children (and other things- she never offers me a drink when doing the rounds and barely talks to me). The children are getting older and will be noticing.

[SnapesGreasyHair]

But it is "a thing" a bloody BIG thing

[NannaNoodleman]

They "disowned DH" before and it broke his heart. It was awful. They're expert manipulators.

I don't want them near my children. I don't want them near my husband.

[boomboom1234]

I think this is a really good point about the kids noticing. I seriously think it would be better if you stay home from now on. Let your husband go with the kids if he wants but don't go there to be treated like that. Not good at all.

[Justmuddlingalong]

You aren't kicking up a fuss because you don't want it to become a thing?
My reaction would have been "right kids, coats on, we're going."
The lack of reaction by you and your DH is allowing her to be a bitch with no come back from you.
If you've worked hard on a relationship with them and they haven't reciprocated, what's the point?

[HauntedPencil]

Sounds as if you are trying to repair things and sucking up visits but she isn't even meeting you part way.

It's basic stuff giving guests the same food, drinks etc. It's not right.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

Why do you visit ? Why does your DH not step in and take your MIL to task? You say he has done nothing wrong but that’s not the impression I get - he should have made a fuss and demanded an explanation .

[MrsGrannyWeatherwax]

You sound as though you’re happy to accept this terrible behaviour but have obviously been upset by it (posting). I’m assuming you just wanted a rant rather than any advice - still not sure why you’d want a relationship with someone when this must be the tip of the iceberg....

[DewDropsonKittens]

This is an intentional snub, if you continue to do nothing about it and your DH doesn't address his mothers way of treating you it will cause a huge rift between everyone

Eventually..over something insignificant you will implode, then be accused of being rude / aggressive

Been there. Got the scars.

As an aside, what example does it set your children that you're all pretending to like each other, having an atmosphere with you being left out

If MIL has the children alone, she is more than likely working on them to turn against you

Mine did, small things at first like "oh mummy won't like that, but she is silly so here you go''

[Yabbers]

DH didn't do anything wrong

So he DID call his mother out for being a spiteful beast and told her you wouldn’t be coming back, then?

[BornInAThunderstorm]

I would make this my last visit tbh.

If she honestly “forgot” during plating up then you would expect her to try to redistribute the food or find an alternative. It sounds like she wasn’t really embarrassed or apologetic, which suggests it was intentional.

Does she think that you not visiting often is due to your influence perhaps, and is trying to punish you?

[NannaNoodleman]

I don't want my children seeing them without my supervision.

[Absolutepowercorrupts]

She's not sending you a passive aggressive message at all. She's just made it clear where you stand in her eyes. I have no idea what to suggest you do next.
This is appalling and although they probably is a massive back story, I wouldn't have stayed there and I think your husband should have made it clear that treating you like this is terrible