Private lap dance :(

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Changed name for this post

Dh to be, had his stag weekend. Fun and games during day and meal out/drinking in evening. Ended up at a lap dance club, I suppose no particular issue with this he's never been before and I wouldn't have thought his thing though, but he had the dredded 'private dance'. Paid for by his mates. Went into a private room, she made him lay down and she was fully naked except suspender belt. She straddled him, sat on him, touched his legs and chest and obviously her stripper lady bits and bum were not far from him at all.
I know the details as basically I asked. I am gutted and cannot get the images out of my head. My DH to be feels terrible and said he didn't realise it would be so graphic etc etc.

I sway between feeling ok and trying to shut it out to feeling physically sick. My ex husband had an affair and left me and children so perhaps I am over sensitive.
This is a rant I know :(

I think the objectification of women and the exploitation of women in the sex industry is sickening.

I find the thing most bizarre about all this is:

I've just bloody washed and ironed the offending clothing

So he gets a private dance and you wash and iron his clothes for him?? Madness.

He has acted awfully, this is not an overreaction op! I would definitely postpone the wedding at least, I think you need some time to think things over and perhaps seriously talk about why your dh-to-be did this and how he feels now. we aren’t actually in the situation so we can’t tell you exactly what to do, but just remember your worth and what you deserve! Sending you hugs & strength xx

The way he's told you, that he was honest and that he was uncomfortable with the dance... it would make me feel a bit ick but I can't say I would be terribly cross. Certainly wouldn't stop the relationship over it. If I'd told him before that I was hugely anti strip clubs and would leave him if he ever had a lap dance then that would be different, but I can't see myself saying that either (not that DH has ever had the opportunity to go near one) So yeah, in a nutshell it wouldn't unduly phase me.

"Oh give over Meandmetoo as if it's "very likely" "

I wouldn't say it's a dead cert tbf, there's certainly a chance nothing happened.

...she made him lay down...

And he did as he was told. He lay down so she could get on top, straddle, and grind her naked vulva on his body.

If he didn’t want to lie down for her, but did it anyway, he has no backbone whatsoever.

Do you think you ever crossed his mind during the his sleazy sexual experience?

PP saying they wouldn't be terribly put cross. Jesus Christ, do you not have any standards or self-respect? Fuck sake.

How you allow your partner to treat you sets the tone for your entire marriage. I would rather be single my whole lifetime than be married to a creep like this.

I say this as a survivor of DV.

I wouldn't throw things away for that. He sounds really reasonable and pub feels guilty about it. Its SO different than cheating. Try to forget it he doesn't want a random stripper, he is with you.

Jesus Christ, do you not have any standards or self-respect? Fuck sake

Plenty thanks, judgey pants. No need to be so nasty.

And he did as he was told. He lay down so she could get on top, straddle, and grind her naked vulva on his body.

I wonder if he knew it would get hat explicit? I don't know anything about lapdances and I don't imagine I'm alone in that. I didn't think it went that far and possibly he didn't either. In fact, it's likely he didnt know exactly how far it would go.

Years ago I had a boyfriend who went to a pub for the evening.
A stripper had been arranged.
When she had finished her act the landlord organised a whip round for her and if there was enough money the stripper was prepared to have full sex with the men.
Apparently my then boyfriend told me that a lot of the men who wanted to shag the woman couldn't get it up. It was in full view of everyone.
His friend however could and fucked her there and then.

When he told me I was speechless. We finished after that, he always maintained he didn't have sex with her but now I'm not so sure.

I wonder if he knew it would get hat explicit? I don't know anything about lapdances and I don't imagine I'm alone in that.

I don't know anything about them either, but I've got a pretty good imagination...

Er no, this would not be for me. If I found my soon to be husband with Debbie from over the road naked on top of him, it would not be acceptable. Why does paying for it make it ok?

No thanks. I would not want children with such a man.

Except that the trust would be gone for me and my peace of mind is worth more than anything.
My thoughts precisely and I wouldn't want to be facing a future with someone I don't trust.

Its disgusting. He could have said no... he didn't. He participated and prob loved every minute of it.

Either finish it and move on or accept what he did and move on. But be prepared to keep bringing it uo and throwing it up in his face over the decades.

Personally, i would walk, he accepted a private dance, grim ...,and clearly what his friends think means more to him than what you think. Leave him to his mates! !

Personally, i would not accept that .Disgusting!

And I wouldn't have washed and ironed the clothes he was wearing, there would have been a bonfire on the back lawn!

I wonder if he knew it would get hat explicit? I don't know anything about lapdances and I don't imagine I'm alone in that. I didn't think it went that far and possibly he didn't either. In fact, it's likely he didnt know exactly how far it would go.

So, clue number one, there she was in only suspenders and stockings. Breasts and vulva on display so already fairly explicit. Clue number two, she told him to lay down. Did he think she was kindly inviting him to have a nice snooze? If he didn’t have an inkling as to what was to follow then he’s fucking dense.

I find it crazy that some posters wouldn't have an issue with it. Crazy.

If your DH was taken to a brothel by his pals and they paid a prostitute to dance naked on him totally naked, would this be OK? It's just a sex-worker performing a job, so I suppose this would be no big deal too?

I honestly fail to see the difference, only that one would be more likely to go further if paid.

It's up to the OP to decide what she does now and if she wants to continue the relationship, but his actions are disgusting (as he has acknowledged himself) and minimising them helps no one.

"Its SO different than cheating. Try to forget it he doesn't want a random stripper, he is with you."

What makes it different to cheating?

I don't give ashite about porn, etc but I wouldn't like this. I don't think my husband would go to a strip club tjough as his ex was a stripper and filled his head with horror stories about sleazy clients.

Sorry, OP. This is something it's hard to overlook and he is a Shit for putting you in this position.

I wouldn't say it's cheating.
I'd be very disappointed if my partner did this as it isn't at all how I see him.
But, quite possibly he was peer pressured, and decided to suffer through an awkward situation. I know people say he could have walked out, and maybe he should have, but in awkward situations a lot of people freeze/don't react because they don't want to cause offence..,
If he feels this bad about it and told you about it, I would say he made mistake and everyone makes mistakes...it's not cheating

Shit goes on at these all Male gatherings that you wouldn’t believe. My ex had similar grim recountings.

It's disappointing but I don't think it's ltb. My dh had a stag night 22 years ago he looked hungover the next morning and I run him a bath and chatted to him when I saw my name written on his arse. He had no ide and I was so pissed off but to be honest it was his mates, it was so out of character and he's been faithful for 22 years .

For those who don't consider it cheating, would you also consider it not cheating if it was a random woman he met at a club, who did exactly the same thing?

I couldnt get married after that, its disgusting