Private lap dance :(

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Changed name for this post

Dh to be, had his stag weekend. Fun and games during day and meal out/drinking in evening. Ended up at a lap dance club, I suppose no particular issue with this he's never been before and I wouldn't have thought his thing though, but he had the dredded 'private dance'. Paid for by his mates. Went into a private room, she made him lay down and she was fully naked except suspender belt. She straddled him, sat on him, touched his legs and chest and obviously her stripper lady bits and bum were not far from him at all.
I know the details as basically I asked. I am gutted and cannot get the images out of my head. My DH to be feels terrible and said he didn't realise it would be so graphic etc etc.

I sway between feeling ok and trying to shut it out to feeling physically sick. My ex husband had an affair and left me and children so perhaps I am over sensitive.
This is a rant I know :(

the boys

The boys. That says it all really. Excusing grown men and their juvenile antics by referring to them as ‘the boys’.

@Handsofmysweets I'm assuming the council where you are have different rules on their licenses. They all have their own agenda, but it definitely isn't an issue where I'm from. I also know a lot of strippers from around the UK and have never come across it not being 'allowed' so it must a specific council that has given specific rules.

I have a friend who owns a gentleman's club and have been in it a couple of times. Most of the girls were students trying to get through uni without running up massive debts, and yes, it was a bit seedy but there were definitely strict rules about what the dancers were and weren't allowed to do (they sign a lengthy contract). It wouldn't bother me if my DP went to one on his stag do, and any dancer's body would be better than mine, but I trust him. I understand that people have different boundaries though, so only you know if you can get past it.

I imagine men who happily visit strip clubs are quite likely to visit prostitutes at some point. It's not like they have respect for women generally so it's not beyond the realms of reality is it

Oh do give over! What a ridiculous, Drama Llama comment.

I personally find the whole thing so seedy and desperate, but I would I dump the love of my life over it? I don't think I would

When I read these threads, I try and imagine what it must be like to be in that situation. To be planning a future with someone and then have it all upended by choices they make about how to spend their stag do (or someone else's stag do).

And I wonder whether, when it came down to it, whether I would end an otherwise brilliant relationship...

Except that the trust would be gone for me and my peace of mind is worth more than anything.

The girls weren't desperate. For 3 of us to have a private dance with one of the girls was £20 each (so total of £60) for 10mins

Thank goodness a Man has come along, to tell us that girls who strip aren't desperate.

There is no way on earth could I come back from this - the man in this situation has the right to say no to a dance.

OK - so OP's fiancé in this situation was honest enough whereas he told her what he did but is it the whole truth?

He also knows she was cheated on before so that topic is raw for her.

I mean honestly - there are other things you could do for a stag do, my DBro and his BIL did things which weren't centred round a strip club, not because they're prudes but because they presumably know how other men can egg others on. We also have 'proof' there was no stripper etc as they took pics - one was somewhere in Snowdonia!

If in a few years OP comes on here and mentions DH had an affair, went to a strip club on his stag party but years ago you lot here said it didn't matter so I let it pass then personally I wouldn't be surprised.

Huskylover - in my experience you get a few types of girls who do this.

You get the ones working their way through uni who do or don't do certain things.

You get the trafficked girls who don't enjoy what they do.

You get girls like my DBro's ex wife - who was an 'exotic dancer' who had been sexually abused but was a complete and utter bitch anyway and came onto some of these men trying to attract a partner or as much money as she could get. And that's not how she met my DBRo. According to one of her colleagues who was a friend of hers, sometimes you would be 'desperate' for money but not let it show.

Private dance?

Sorry op, another woman's hands or mouth has very likely been around your dp's cock recently.

Urgh, what a total scumbag.

Handsoffmysweets - actually it depends what type of club you're talking about - if it's a room in a pub where a pint glass is passed around for money for a stripper then yes the occasional dodgy landlord will let them go into a room for some extras.

I know - going back a few years ago and a central London - presumably respectable strip/gentleman's club - that the one DBro's ex wife - before she met him, the management 'did' have a special room - it wasn't common knowledge but if a well paying client wanted to go inside with a girl and paid enough then yes they did have the option. Of course this was under the table and if police etc asked then 'no this didn't happen'. She and her colleague said they didn't do it but their colleagues had done it. Again I have no idea if laws have changed since as this is going back almost 20 years.

Personally I can't believe we live in a world where it's okay for a naked woman to grind over their partners/husbands. Just no. It's not okay.

It's branded as a normal part of many stag nights and why so many feel they have to accept this baffles me.

Cool, maybe some people genuinely are okay with this but they shouldn't make others feel like it's not a big thing because tbh it is a big thing.

The way some women are trying to normalise this awful. Such low standards.

My DH was invited to a Stag doo, about 2 years ago, and the Best Man got in touch to say it was a Strip Club venue. I was still trying to figure out how I felt about it, when the Best Man texted again, to say that the idea had been shut down already. The wives had all put their foot down and the whole idea was trashed within about 15 minutes.

The whole thing is horrible for you Op, but I would not leave an otherwise good relationship for this. It was a Stag Doo, and (sadly) it's pretty common.

Strip clubs and lap dances are a no no for me, I think it's disgusting that a man, especially one in a relationship will pay for a woman to rub her naked bits all over him. But in this instance, he was honest about it, and unlike many of the dps written about on here, he seems remorseful. To me these are important points. I would be fucking raging, no question, but I don't think I would call off the wedding if he is usually a decent, respectful man.

Personally I can't believe we live in a world where it's okay for a naked woman to grind over their partners/husbands

Really? You can't believe it. Paying for sex has been going on forever.

None of us know what other people, partners included, do in their private lives. You only need to stick around on this forum to see how many people are betrayed by a cheating partner/spouse.

To be fair, its not like he put his willy inside her! She danced naked in front of him for 3 minutes MAX! Do people really end relationships based on that? Obviously OP, its up to you and how you feel but to me it would be hilarious!!

I went out on my stag do in London with quite a few old Uni friends ect.
All fairly normal stuff, pub, pool competition beer, food beer ect then about 10PM we rocked up outside a strip club.
I just turned around and walked off, I could see a few were disappointed but to be honest most were happy to be just going onto a normal club.
He should have just told them to fuck off but I guess he is scared of what they think about him.

I'm absolutely SICK of hearing the 'it was peer pressure from his mates' reason excuse.

What a pile of shite.

I think you can tell a lot about a man and his attitude to women and to sticking up for beliefs he may previously have expressed ("you're the only one for me", "I'd never cheat on you" etc) by whether he has the moral fortitude to 'stand up' to this 'bantering' encouragement from other males, or not.

It's this kind of bullshit that, with certain men, leads to what that cricketer did - a 'game' of rape and sexual assault of women unable to give consent due to being asleep/passed out, with an added points available if you got in and out without the use of a condom. It's a bit of a slippery slope (not saying in this situation it would evolve into that (obviously) but I wonder, how many of these guys who form these marauding gangs to assault women (this is not the first such case), are firstly frequent attendees at 'gentlemen's clubs' (a misnomer if ever there was one)...?).

I agree that the best analogy is to reverse it. I'm going to a male strippers club and gonna go into a private room with a man who will grind his naked cock and ass on my lap and groin and thrust it at me whilst rubbing my chest with his hands, is that alright with you? They wouldn't fucking like it then would they - it'd be all 'you humiliated me' - not the same the other way round (in their mind, apparently).

It's a stag do what did you expect? You never see anyone moaning about male strippers at hen dos yet it's the same thing.

It doesn't bother me if my husband had a lap dance it's not like they've slept with them. It's just a bit of naked flesh.

LaughingCow99 I worded it wrong. I meant I can't believe that we live in a world where some men in relationships have private dances AND it's supposed to be accepted as normal stag do behaviour.

Just because some posters are fine with this behaviour doesn't mean you have to be OP. It's a boundary for many people.

This is really tough as I can see how he might be pushed into it. I would not like it at all. But not sure I would throw my relationship away.

I was on a hendo and there was a naked butler. I can say that was pretty comparable bar the private room. I felt really uncomfortable with that. Some of my friends went further than I’d have liked to. I wasn’t picked to do anything that I would have felt really uncomfortable with, but I’m not sure I would have wanted to be a spoil sport and refuse if I had. DH knew there would be a naked butler and when I spoke with him after the event he genuinely wasn’t bothered. But shoe on the other foot, hypocritical as it might be I would have been upset.

That doesn’t really help. But I don’t think in the circumstances I would end the relationship over it. If it become a regular occurance or a repeat then I probably would.

Oh give over Meandmetoo as if it's "very likely"

You can get male strippers who get completely starkers and rub their genitals on you, believe me!

I was on a hen do, out came a “fireman”.. I was expecting the usual strip down to a thong and some gyrating. He came over, bollock naked with an erection, covered in squirty cream and rubbed it all over me. He then pulled my top down, I told him to piss off and he said “why come to a hen do then.”

He then chose one ‘lucky lady’ to get a private dance, (Infront of everyone) where he put his dick in her face, naked, and she had her hands all over him.
Hen do’s can be worse than stags! Anyway, irrelevant, I didn’t enjoy it and told the guy to get lost. Dp could have done the same when it started going too far.

That's cheating. He's a disgusting asswipe. Yuck.