Baffled...

[fairydustandpixies]

Hello lovely ladies (and gents!),

Please can you offer some advice because I'm utterly baffled.

I'm late 40s and have been dating a guy in his early 50s for a couple of months. We hold hands, we cuddle, we kiss but haven't DTD. On Saturday, he came round to mine and I cooked, after a couple of glasses of wine I decided to be brave and asked him to stay the night. He said yes. Very enthusiastically!

So, it's time for bed. I sleep as nature indended (!!). He climbs in wearing his boxers. Then got up to put his tshirt on. And that was it! I gently tried to initiate by snuggling up to him but, nothing. No party in his pants so to speak, just a cuddle (which was lovely) but, what's that all about??

It took a massive amount of courage for me to do that as I've not slept with anyone for a very, very long time. This guy is lovely, he gives out all the right signals but...nothing!

Is it me, because I thought if someone asks you to stay the night then it means taking things further? He's been married, had other relationships so definitely not gay before anyone suggests!

It's fine if someone doesn't feel like having sex, but they need to say that, this is why we invented language.

Mind you, if someone you're seeing doesn't feel like sex the first time you get the opportunity it doesn't make sense that they stayed at all.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. I appreciate that there's a whole 'well if this was a guy who'd done this...' issue going on.

At the end of the day, I offered him a night with me to take things further, he knew it meant sex. We're not kids, I wouldn't have been offended if he'd said no or if he said yeah I'll stay but don't want sex. We've been dating a while, he's always initiated physical contact, but, never mind...!

In other news, on my way home from seeing him I was sexually assaulted. Police involved, house to house things going on, never happened to me before, so this has kind of paled into insignificance now. I'm actually trying not to laugh at the irony of it...!

Holy fk Op, so sorry to hear that!

I’m so sorry to hear that 🌷 I hope they find him/them.

Are you ok? Do you have a friend you can talk to/stay with, whatever you need?

Did you see him again yesterday?!

Oh gosh Fairy, that's awful

So sorry @fairy. That's a huge shock. Xx

Oh christ,op. Hope you have friends and family around you

Hope you have rl support op.

Fairy, I am very concerned about you.

Hope you’re ok @fairydustandpixies

@JUSTLOOKING20 How insensitive of you! Sounds like he was just nervous or had ED - both of which can be fixed. Wow you just ditched him without any effort?!

BingandFlop2019
I think it's more of the weird pattern of behaviour than ditching him for ED!
If he was honest and spoke to her about it....if it was ED then that shows a level of maturity. But he hasn't instead he's.sent mixed messages and horrible inunedos....would you put up with that?
It's called standards!
I wouldn't put up with creepy messages and odd behaviour.
So you'd stomach a.guy who is a creep and isn't turned on by you? And for what?

@Lottie35 A Creep? Where have you got that from? You've just made that up!

The point is it doesn't matter what his issues or behaviour is. The op wants someone who wants her and follows through. She wants sex, to be desired and to have sex. He doesn't. Don't waste your life trying to sort him out OP

I'm so so sorry OP, just read what happened to you and hope you have support around you.

God, that's awful, fairydustandpixies. Not an update anyone could have expected, though I agree with you about the irony...

Holy crap fairy that was not an update I was expecting.
Hope you are ok and have some support.
Let us know how you are when you feel able. Unmumsnetty hugs to you.

Ah god, I was following your thread but didn’t have anything constructive to add so didn’t comment.
Just seen your latest update, how awful!!!
Hope you are doing ok OP