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Original poster

He said he wouldn't buy me a Land Rover. Should I let it go?

233 replies

HisMoneyMyMoneyCardboardBox · 13/04/2019 21:28

That title is a bit out of context but I wasn't sure what to put.

My husband inherited a house worth a lot of money. We are painfully broke but in arguments a couple of times he's used it to beat me round the head with as a 'come back' (there's been threads on this before in AIBU).

It bothered me enough to threaten to leave him. In the end we got counselling and it helped a lot.

Fast forward to now and after him making some seriously ill advised financial decisions (which I strongly advised against but he did it anyway) we are finally putting the house on the market and buying our own place.

I'm on maternity leave, so I've been doing most of the stuff with regards to estate agents and solicitors.
He's said a few things that have pissed me off though and given our past issues with this house and me feeling like he's not seeing us an equal, it's pissed me off.

First of all when getting the second valuation done on the house, he told the guy to contact me as he was working and referred to me as his secretary. Corrected himself and said I was a PA. Hmm

Today we live leave a Land Rover garage so I said why don't I get one when we sell the house (I don't want one really it was just a silly comment). He said
"You're note getting a Land Rover. It isn't happening."

I thought he was a bit of a bell for telling me I couldn't do something but forgot about it.

Tonight we were discussing things and after his firm response about Land Rovers earlier in the day I joked that I was going to buy one.
He said
"I'm not buying you a Land Rover."

So that's fucking clear cut then. He inherited the money so despite us being married and of equal partnership he STILL considers this HIS money.

He said it was a slip of the tongue but there has been so many bloody 'slips of the tongue'.
Is this it for the rest of my life now? This inequality? Him thinking that we are in a good position thanks to him? That I have to ask permission to buy things and what he says goes and he considers it his money that I'll be spending?!

OP posts:
sobeyondthehills · 13/04/2019 22:05

I get what you are saying op, my partner inherited money and one of the first things he did (we were not married) is gift me enough money to pay off my individual debts.

I did also ask him to buy me a sugar glider, he did draw the line at that, but he fully saw this money as ours not as his and he proved that time and time again, any glib remark I made (sugar glider) was also met with a glib remark back.

However, I would say given your problems, was it wise to say a thing? Are you able to joke about that sort of thing?

Either way if you are not, you said it and he made it clear where you stand

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/04/2019 22:07

Is this it for the rest of my life now? This inequality? Him thinking that we are in a good position thanks to him?

As you are married, one would hope that you'd consider the money jointly yours and use it for things that benefit you both (and any children you might have).

But, erm.... you ARE in a good position thanks to him (or, more realistically, his relative) as you presumably wouldn't have inherited the money from his relative if you weren't with him? Confused

ittakes2 · 13/04/2019 22:08

It sounds like you are setting him up to fail like you want an excuse to cause an argument. I'm sorry but all sounds like hard work - not a couple working together. I am not sure you have gotten over whatever you are angry about with him. You don't sound like you like him much. By the way, I would also not expect to be making decisions about the money if my partner inherited something - if someone who loved and cared for him wanted him to have some money they had worked hard for - I would only see it as a bonus if he wanted to spend some of it on me - not something I would expect.

HazelNutinEveryBite · 13/04/2019 22:12

I was lucky enough to get a small inheritance a few years ago. I gave 12K of this to my husband to buy a new car. It was appreciated as his was ready for the scrappy and he needs a car for his job role.

He bought a second hand low mileage estate for carrying equipment. If he had asked for a Land Rover the answer would have been a resounding no.

The rest went into sensibly reducing our mortgage and helping the kids with uni.

Soontobe60 · 13/04/2019 22:16

My DH and I have recently come into quite a bit of money, his through an investment policy he took out, me through my pension lump sum. The money has all gone into joint isas, savings and current account. He bought a new car. I bought a new car. We had some work done on our house. There's no concept of yours and mine in relation to money in our relationship. So I wouldn't ask him to buy me a car. If I needed one, I'd say I wanted to buy one, what does he think. We would discuss it like grown ups.

RosaWaiting · 13/04/2019 22:17

you've buried the relevant staff in all other info.

he thinks it's funny to call you the PA? None of this post has anything to do with a freaking car!

RosaWaiting · 13/04/2019 22:17

*stuff
oops Blush

puppy23 · 13/04/2019 22:19

if he said you couldn't have something you'd really put your heart on I'd maybe understand but you don't even want a land rover??

JaneEyre07 · 13/04/2019 22:20

I get you OP.

My DH had a large inheritance, it was very unexpected and he's very in control of it. There have been a few times that I've felt if it had be my inheritance, it would have counted as family money.

I'd stop doing all the running round for yours though, as frankly if my DH called me his PA, I'd punch his lights out.

RandomMess · 13/04/2019 22:20

SadAngry

On a positive note if you divorce it won't be seen as "his" money.

Mumof3needswine · 13/04/2019 22:20

Divorce him get half the money in the settlement and buy the land rover!

No but being serious i kind if know how you feel .
Weve just re done our kitchen because husbands into gadgets and tech and the last kitchen had none . Finally after 6 months it was completed on thursday . Thursday night as im trying to work out the new cooker he turns round and says if i ever leave you im taking the kitchen with me as i paid for most of it ! He fails to realise thats whilst he did that i paid the mortgage and bills !

SomethingIdNeverThoughtIdSay · 13/04/2019 22:25

I think people are missing the point of the OPs posts?

I think the point is not the landrover - anything would do - it's his approach to it being HIS money

So rather than him saying WE aren't buying a landrover/puppy/essential food items/a Hadron colider.

He is says I AM NOT buying YOU a landrover/puppy/essential food items/a Hadron colider.

slashlover · 13/04/2019 22:26

I thought he was a bit of a bell for telling me I couldn't do something but forgot about it.

If he said to you that he wanted to buy a Rolls Royce or gamble all the money or something then you'd just stay silent?

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 13/04/2019 22:27

I know people are joking (I think) but, in law, inheritances are not considered marital property. So legally it is his money and if you were to divorce you wont get any of it.

Blushingm · 13/04/2019 22:28

I was with my ex for 18 years, married to him. He was given £10k by his dad when he retired. We could've paid off all our debts or even had a nice family holiday. But no, he blew it all on toys and gadgets for himself as it was 'his money'

Figure8 · 13/04/2019 22:29

Is your name on the lease?

SpinneyHill · 13/04/2019 22:29

Is it because land rovers aren't aren't his favourite car?
Is it because you seem to be telling what to spend the money on?
Is the current car fine and dandy?
Is this genuine?
Cause it's funny as fuck either way

maras2 · 13/04/2019 22:32

You already know that he's a twat ie previous posts etc so why surprised now.
Land Rover my arse! You were just trying to get a reaction (which you anticipated the answer) Confused
Just divorce him and stop the nonsense.
You'll benefit in the end, financially and mental healthwise.
Good luck. Flowers

Iggly · 13/04/2019 22:35

Has everyone missed the part about the dh calling her his secretary etc?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 13/04/2019 22:35

If you divorce it's unlikely you’ll get a share of it as it's not counted as marital property.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/04/2019 22:37

I think it's the fact that it's an inheritance which is complicating the issue.

DH inherited a nice little sum of money a number of years ago and although he has used portions of it on the upkeep of hte house, so benefitting us all, I've always thought of it as "his" money, and asked whether we can put it towards X, rather than making any assumptions. He, I am sure, would say that it was "our" money, but it was an inheritance gifted to him from a relative of his who I barely knew: it seems rude and presumptious to make any demands on it.

Tunnockswafer · 13/04/2019 22:38

Hmm. Tbf I consider the money I’ve inherited (less than your dh) as mine as well, it was left to me, though as part of a married couple I will spend/save it in a way that benefits the family.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/04/2019 22:38

The bit about the secretary/PA just makes him sound a complete twat, btw.

TFBundy · 13/04/2019 22:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RandomMess · 13/04/2019 22:39

I've just checked the English law"inheritance is NOT automatically excluded from matrimonial assets" so yeah in a long marriage where the inheritance was received a number of years before divorce it would usually be part of asset pot.