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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new boyfriend has become homeless

169 replies

Bellasorellaa · 09/04/2019 16:50

i been seeing him for 2 month and he has treated me great, pays for everything so i expect will pay his way and tbh we are close i know A LOT about him, met his mum and daughter already and all his friends
he never suggested but i did that he can stay at mine. I live alone with a cat. He is actually allergic to cats so dont know how this will go
i wont give him a key but i work in the day
im thinking of saying for two weeks whilst he gets back on his feet

is this a bad idea

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/04/2019 08:05

I would also say a bit fat no to this.
Way too soon.
But.... you've already offered.
Of course you can now say that you don't want that and you are worried about his cat allergy but maybe give him 2 weeks?????
I'm a soft touch as well.
But I'd also be very worried that his mum kicked him out.
How old is he?

ScreamScreamIceCream · 10/04/2019 08:09

Yes.

He can move in with a friend he's known longer than you or another relation - if he has neither of those you need to ditch him.

Holidayshopping · 10/04/2019 08:13

Have you told him no?

Blondebakingmumma · 10/04/2019 08:18

I wouldn’t give him 2 weeks, it may be too much trouble getting him out once he is settled in

whitesoxx · 10/04/2019 08:23

Really terrible advice there about giving him 2 weeks.

His family have kicked him out, his friends are coke heads (and so is he), he doesn't have a stable job and OP doesn't know him.

He'll have known this was coming OP. Just tell him that you've checked with landlord and they've said no and that you can't risk your tenancy. He'll have to go stay at a mates until he gets sorted out.

Sounds like a waster

barryfromclareisfit · 10/04/2019 08:23

If he is in your house, get him out today. If he isn’t yet in, keep him out. He has manufactured the situation. You’ll be supporting him for as long as he wants, if you don’t act now.

BettysLeftTentacle · 10/04/2019 08:37

DONT GIVE HIM TWO WEEKS!!!! Terrible, terrible idea.
And yes, expect and prepare for him to turn nasty when you say you’ve changed your mind or kick him out if you’ve let him stay (please, please don’t!).
Remember:
His Mum kicked him out.
He won’t tell you why until he’s in your house.
All his mates are recreational drug users.
He’s ‘self employed’ in other words, there’s proof he’s working.
He’s already rung you several times to check up on you.

Excellent suggestion from PPs. ‘I checked my tenancy, I’m not allowed long term visitors and I can’t risk losing my home. Sorry!’

Holidayshopping · 10/04/2019 08:48

I’m in the gym now and he has phoned a couple times asking when I will be back

Where is he now?

bullyingadvice2017 · 10/04/2019 08:53

One awkward conversation now can save you a lot of trouble in the long term. And he sounds like major trouble. He clearly hasn't got his shit together at all.

Monty27 · 10/04/2019 08:53

It'll end in tears. Your tears. Renage somehow.

hellsbellsmelons · 10/04/2019 08:53

I didn't suggest it was a GOOD idea.
But after offering, I'd be feeling a bit guilty if it was me.

AyeitstheCaddy · 10/04/2019 08:57

I got caught up in a similar situation but it became very scary as his mental health declined. I had to travel for work and he got in the car with me and wouldn’t leave (he peed in the car). It was a nightmare which eventually ended with the police taking him away. He also did something against my wishes which led to me being burgled.

So when mumsnetters on here say not to let him move in it’s because we or someone we know have been in a similar situation that’s ended badly for whatever reason.

That his Mum is chucking him out, probably for drugs, (and he is not going to tell you the truth about this) is not a good sign.

desparate4sleep · 10/04/2019 08:58

No no no! He has been kicked out for a reason. Probably not paying rent atwond taking drugs but he wont tell you this. In two monthe you only know the nice version of him that he has put on for you.

Don't make up a phoney excuse that he can give you a reply to: 'I won't want you to suffer around my cat' 'it's ok I will take allergy meds. 'my landlord won't allow it'. 'its only two weeks how will they know.'

Say you have been thinking about it and it's just too soon to live together and you are uncomfortable.

Prepare for the sob stories involving him having to slum it on the streets.

AyeitstheCaddy · 10/04/2019 09:01

He had only been there about 2 weeks and I was relieved(!) to be going away for a few days...but he came with me and nearly cost me my job in the process.

So be strong now and don’t let him move in as it will be a nightmare getting him out.

Charley50 · 10/04/2019 09:02

I agree don't say it's your landlord or lease or cat, as he will try and persuade you round. Be clear you don't want him to stay.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/04/2019 09:03

You don’t know him, His mum is kicking him out (so he’s been living close to rent free and yet has no savings for a rental deposit) and his mates are coke heads...

Do you really need to ask?

Aveeno2017 · 10/04/2019 09:08

Beware of grand gestures, he paid for everything and now he's homeless!! Did he live with his mum and spent all his money on you? How old are you OP....you must know it's a bad idea deep down.

Aveeno2017 · 10/04/2019 09:11

Sorry just seen your updates...he's a plumber and builder they earn a fortune he could rent his own place.

SpamChaudFroid · 10/04/2019 09:17

OP, that's the worst idea ever, you won't be able to get rid of him.

cstaff · 10/04/2019 09:25

If he is working like you say there is no reason why he cant rent his own place. Does he not have friends of his own that he can ask if he really needs to stay somewhere short term.

You barely know this bloke. Do not let him stay long term and definitely do not give him a key.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/04/2019 09:55

NO NO NO NO

Bluesmartiesarebest · 10/04/2019 10:20

If he’s a self employed builder or plumber he can afford to stay in a hotel until he rents somewhere. There’s a very good reason that his mother threw him out (drugs).

Tell him to leave if he’s already moved in. The sooner you end this situation the better. Be prepared for him to try charming you and then turning nasty when he realises you’ve seen through him.

Please stay safe, op.

TheStuffedPenguin · 10/04/2019 10:35

I know someone who had a relationship with someone just like this . It was a disaster - he used her and made her life a misery . Just get out . What do you find attractive ? The fact he has no home or money ? The drugs ? The fact he has a poor relationship with his family ? He will take you down . Really ...move on !

Flaxmeadow · 10/04/2019 10:45

Agree with the excuse that your tenancy agreement says you must not sub let.
Also is it possible to say to him that you had the impression that his staying would only be a temporary arrangement?

Blondebakingmumma · 10/04/2019 11:16

Any update OP?