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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new boyfriend has become homeless

169 replies

Bellasorellaa · 09/04/2019 16:50

i been seeing him for 2 month and he has treated me great, pays for everything so i expect will pay his way and tbh we are close i know A LOT about him, met his mum and daughter already and all his friends
he never suggested but i did that he can stay at mine. I live alone with a cat. He is actually allergic to cats so dont know how this will go
i wont give him a key but i work in the day
im thinking of saying for two weeks whilst he gets back on his feet

is this a bad idea

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 09/04/2019 22:03

Terrible idea

userxx · 09/04/2019 22:04

Moving someone into your home you barely know is such a bad idea. My friend did this and is paying the consequences now. I suggest you watch Dirty John on Netflix.

VampireSlayer19 · 09/04/2019 22:05

As above say you checked your tenancy and not allowed ling term visitors.

There are a lot of red flags here 😬

MitziK · 09/04/2019 22:09

Probably his step dad said 'I won't have a coke head under this roof anymore' and his Mum agreed with this - or she tried and he refused to leave until step dad physically removed him.

For fuck's sake, just text and tell him No. It's not your problem. He's targeted you and moving in (literally in this case) for the prize - free accommodation, somewhere to do lines, get pissed and watch TV in the knowledge it's all being paid for by the soppy mare who fell for his stories.

Thehop · 09/04/2019 22:10

“I’m in the gym, so back quite late.....but have been thinking this is a terrible idea! We’ve only just met....I don’t want to spoil it I dunno what I was thinking offering! Will help you look for a roomshare when I see you!”

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 09/04/2019 22:13

My bet is you will see his true colours when you ask him to leave. You say you're close to his mum - has she said why she threw him out? (A cynical part of me wonders if she really did, or if this is a lie to make you feel that this is a crisis and you need to step in.)

(And BTW, if all his friends take coke, he does too. He may have spun you a line making himself out to not be interested in drugs, and that's why he can't stay with them, but the reality is he takes coke and the only reason he doesn't stay with his friends is because they'd expect rent and for it to be a temporary situation. Whereas moving in with you is a potentially endless free ride)

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 22:16

Is he quite young op?

HappyLife21 · 09/04/2019 22:19

Thank god you’ve seen it for the bad idea it is!

BumbleBeee69 · 09/04/2019 22:23

christ almighty .. do not let a coke head move into your safe haven FFS

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 09/04/2019 22:24

Like calls to like.

If all of his friends take cocaine, he takes cocaine.

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 09/04/2019 22:24

Like calls to like.

If all of his friends take cocaine, he takes cocaine.

ConferencePear · 09/04/2019 22:24

If he is a self-employed builder and plumber where does he keep his tools ?
Don't do it OP.

stofi · 09/04/2019 22:33

So you live in London, why were you picking him up from Kent?

He must have transport if he's a plumber, even if he doesn't then Kent has stations.

Mummabear12345567889 · 09/04/2019 22:49

Have you got Netflix? Watch Dirty John.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/04/2019 22:52

I’m in the gym now and he has phoned a couple times asking when I will be back.

What, he's already at your house now?! Didn't take him long to get his feet under the table - it's your house - tell him you'll be back when you want! So do you have any opportunities to bag his stuff up and change the locks when he's out? I'd either do that or get a male friend/relatives to come round while you chuck him out as you don't know how he will react. Please be careful.

Onemansoapopera · 09/04/2019 23:33

@givemefiveminutes not always true. Every one I know including all my friends have taken drugs in their lives. I never have, ever. Didn't stop me being their friends. On every other count though ,this is a truly dreadful idea.

5LeafClover · 10/04/2019 00:50

It was my idea to I don't know why I agreed to it to how do I get out of it?

If he's making you feel pressured and uncomfortable...he's not the man you imagine him to be. More likely you've been manipulated into going along with his subtle hints....thank goodness your Spidey senses have kicked in early.

Stay safe. Dont let him keep pushing boundaries. Maybe get a second cat...

Blondebakingmumma · 10/04/2019 06:43

“Hey! I’ve just been on the phone to the landlord and unfortunately can’t have you to stay. Let’s meet out a pub and we’ll look for a houseshare for you.”

AnyFucker · 10/04/2019 06:52

He's already installed, isn't he ?

AyeitstheCaddy · 10/04/2019 07:05

Just waiting for”Tiddles” and your jewellery to go missing.

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 10/04/2019 07:08

@Onemansoapopera

There is a difference between your friends having taken drugs at some point, and actively doing drugs on a regular basis, as OP describes her boyfriends friends habits.

If all of his friends are regular users of Class A drugs, then it's highly likely that he is too.

SaskiaRembrandt · 10/04/2019 07:22

The fact that his own mother has thrown him out tells you this is a seriously bad idea.

Do what PP have suggested and tell him your landlord won't let him stay.

GoFiguire · 10/04/2019 07:34

Oh dear.

Charley50 · 10/04/2019 07:38

Bella - this has alarm bells all over it. I hope you come back and say he's gone. If he starts to make you feel uneasy, e.g. scared to say no, that is even more of a reason to get him out, preferably with a friend of yours close by.

Mistybee · 10/04/2019 07:59

How did he take the news that he couldn’t stay?

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