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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new boyfriend has become homeless

169 replies

Bellasorellaa · 09/04/2019 16:50

i been seeing him for 2 month and he has treated me great, pays for everything so i expect will pay his way and tbh we are close i know A LOT about him, met his mum and daughter already and all his friends
he never suggested but i did that he can stay at mine. I live alone with a cat. He is actually allergic to cats so dont know how this will go
i wont give him a key but i work in the day
im thinking of saying for two weeks whilst he gets back on his feet

is this a bad idea

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 09/04/2019 17:02

How can he be homeless when he has money to pay for everything in your dates? Surely that could gave gone towards a roomshare etc.

NewFoneWhoDis · 09/04/2019 17:02

How did he become homeless?
Why can't he stay with his mum?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/04/2019 17:04

If he's homeless his priority shouldn't be to pay his way in dating, it should be to secure a home for him and maintain providing for his daughter.

Fonduefrolics · 09/04/2019 17:05

I’m with everyone else saying it’s a bad idea.

In reality, I’d probably offer him a place to stay as my heart would overrule my head and I’ve got issues trying to fix people. Or feel bad about not helping. Don’t be like me! He’s an adult and not your responsibility x

Figure8 · 09/04/2019 17:05

Yep, terrible idea....

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/04/2019 17:05

Terrible idea.

Why is he not staying at his Mum's?

Does he not have any friends he can stay with?

Be warned that once he's in, you'll have a real problem getting him out. Please don't do this.

FenellaMaxwell · 09/04/2019 17:07

Why is he homeless?

bakereld · 09/04/2019 17:08

Bad idea!!! Why can't he stay with family or friends? You've not known him long enough at all.

Don't let this be the start of him leeching off you. I know you said he 'pays for everything', however he might have hidden debts and credit cards he's using to pay for all of this. You simply don't know him well enough to take this much of a risk.

wigglypiggly · 09/04/2019 17:08

He can stay with his mum or go to the local homeless advice centre. He can call Shelter. How old is his daughter. Where does she live.

HopefulAgain10 · 09/04/2019 17:09

Red flags blazing. Fact you cant see it is concerning

teyem · 09/04/2019 17:12

No, don't do this. You're less that nine weeks in, it's madness.

Either he has been lining you up for this, manipulative arsehole.

Or, he has found himself in this position and he should be capable of fixing it. If he needs you to swoop in and save him you're like tethering yourself to a dead weight.

Orange6904 · 09/04/2019 17:13

Can't he stay with family? 2 months is not long to know someone.

Happyspud · 09/04/2019 17:13

Yes, this is a bad idea. Good idea would have been to watch how he deals with sorting his problems out.

Holidayshopping · 09/04/2019 17:15

A very bad idea.

Butterflyone1 · 09/04/2019 17:16

I agree it's a bad idea. You don't know him that well yet and when you live together, it's very difficult to get rid of them if it doesn't work out. I'm writing this from experience.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 09/04/2019 17:17

You sound quite young and naive.
You've only known him 8 weeks.
Where did he stay before he became homeless? Why has he become homeless?
Sounds like you are, surreptitiously, being "conned". Lots of red flags.

Butterflyone1 · 09/04/2019 17:17

Just to add my ex I had an issue with was amazing in the beginning. Paid for lots of things, treated me like a Princess then when he moved in things were tense. He foolishly proposed after four months being together and after that was when I knew he was a nightmare!! It took me best part of 9 months to get him out of my house.

BlueMerchant · 09/04/2019 17:18

I can't understand how you've met his daughter already.
Surely he would be best off staying with his mum or a friend.
What if you let him move in and things don't work out and he becomes nasty?
What about money?

SparklyMagpie · 09/04/2019 17:35

If this is serious, then no way! And you shouldn't have met his daughter

What would he do if you wasnt on the scene willing to offer!

Wheresmyvagina · 09/04/2019 17:38

He's not homeless if he can afford to find himself a place but he just hasn't done so yet. Don't do it!

twilightcafe · 09/04/2019 17:41

You've only been seeing him since February - and he wants to move in already?

No.

PaintingOwls · 09/04/2019 17:42

That doesn't add up.

How can he pay his way but also be made homeless?

Was the homelessness sudden? How did he lose his home?

Why isn't he staying with someone he has known for a long time and trusts, like his mother or sister or a friend?

Don't do it OP, don't offer even one night.

ballsdeep · 09/04/2019 17:45

Why has he become. Homeless?
I'm my mind I would think this is part of his bigger plan

BarbarianMum · 09/04/2019 17:46

Big. Red. Flags.

V big. V red.

You know virtually nothing about this man.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 09/04/2019 17:47

Don't be such a bloody mug. You don't even know this man properly.
He must have friends or relatives to stay with.
Not your problem.