Dating thread 153- The adventures of... [Title edited at OP's request]

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

super I hate photos of people with babies, makes me swipe left super fast. Yesterday I saw a profile on POF that had his daughter as his profile photo but no photos of himself. I don’t want to date anyone with young kids so seeing someone with a small child instantly makes me swipe left even though it might not even be their baby. I swipe left on people smoking nag or holding a pint too.

shit well done, I did mine last year, seemed to take for ever and then the degree absolute came and it was just a stupid piece of paper, was hoping for a certificate and a balloon 🤣🤣

oh that's great new shit,well done for starting it :)

I've had two marriages and the relief when everything has completed is hugh

If nobody minds I thought I might introduce myself to the thread, I have been following for a while now and it's starting to feel a bit stalkery to not say hello.

I'm in the rather tragic position of being very nearly forty and have never been in a relationship at all. Some recent therapy has drawn me to the conclusion that the only way to change how I feel is to just get out and get on with it, but I am not finding that easy.

Due to my job and a lack of local social connections, as well as a rather rural location, OLD is pretty much the only way I am going to be able to meet anyone, though it is very intimidating. So far I have a profile on happen and bumble, and have been on there for about 8 months, but just can't quite bring myself to actually swipe right on anyone at all☹️.

Any tips on conquering the fear welcomed 😁

I would like to offer thanks to all posters on the thread, reading about others experiences both good and bad has really helped me demystify and make more real the whole idea of getting out and meeting someone, at least to the point of (almost) being able to talk about it👍

shitwith great news.
I agree with Love though, it was disappointing to just get a piece of paper at the end. I thought party poppers should've burst out of the envelope.

Welcome StarryUnicorn what's stopping you swiping right on anyone? It is scary but with Bumble or Tinder you have to match before you can chat. So why not swipe right and see what happens.

@StarryUnicorn Welcome :)

I think it sounds like you might need some hand-holding, so I think take it one step at a time and consult the thread often.

Might I suggest you read "Feel the fear and do it anyway". I found it very valuable when trying to come to terms with anxiety.

Hi starry , it is scary at first but you can do this. If it's the rejection you're worried about,well,we have all been there,so go with a positive attitude and if someone you like doesn't want to chat,stuff him and keep going. I seem to be disappointed a lot ,have a week off and start again!
Remember,the first meet is just a 'hi',like meeting a friend. Keep it to an hour max.

Good luck :)

Pictures with dogs or cats annoy me. Esp when lying on them.

A nice picture but its clear a woman was cut out, eg EX!

I hate when below average looking men demand you send another photo on whats app.
I have done it before, as my pics are old now, but I hate it.

Men with drugged tigers,men swimming with dolphins
or even riding an elephant...no thanks!

@kerkyra What about swimming with drugged elephants?

Asking for a friend

@StarryUnicorn welcome! I am a newbie too. I love this thread so much.

You'll have some highs & lows but you are not alone. There are lots of positives to OLD and negatives just got to ride with em.

Go for it....you can do it 😀

Tinder : jet skiing with drunk tigers.
Reality : watching netflix with a Tescos meal deal

love no photos of himself?? What posseses People? As much as anything else it feels like an infringement on a child's right not to have their picture out there in the world.

@StarryUnicorn hi and welcome. It's super scary at first I was terrified to swipe - just remember they can't see you swiping. If you get a match you don't need to stay matched you can delete the match. You could also think of a good opening message (keep a copy in your notes and just copy and paste) I think Bumble has some pre-set ones you can pick or you can just say Hi.

Just do it one step at a time. If at anytime you feel uncomfortable just stop messaging or delete the match. You don't owe anybody anything so don't feel bad.

Ask the group anything you like they are a great bunch I'm not on here as often now but still check in.

Good luck and enjoy

OMG I can't believe people put pictures of their kids on dating sites - that is so irresponsible.

Yay shitwith🙌🙌

Welcome starryunicorn get swiping. It will be fine, sometimes crap and sometimes amazing but you have to get started

StarryUnicorn I found rejection hard too but just try not to take it personally. I know that I reject men for all sorts of reasons that aren't about them as a person - where they live, their age, lifestage, hobbies and so I assume that I'm being rejected for all those sorts of reasons too. Obviously there's a lot of weirdoes out there but so far the two guys I've dated have been very nice and respectful. This thread is the full of experts so you'll get lots of good advice and support here.

super, no photos of him at all, first photo of his daughter (I would say around ten years old) then 3 random photos of random things. No way would I put a photo of my daughter on my tinder profile.

shit yay! My divorce went to final hearing. I walked out of the court building thinking holy fuck, I'm finally divorced 😂

Mr Big Car isn't particularly kinky. Or maybe I'm kinky so don't notice! I think I'm just very open and sex positive. Anyway we'll see how it goes. He wants to take me away for my birthday .... it's next month. Seeing him tomorrow. And on Saturday ... ☺

Starry one step at a time - just find someone to swipe on and see how it goes x

@supercali77

Tinder : jet skiing with drunk tigers.
Reality : watching netflix with a Tescos meal deal

Dying 😂

To add to the photos of kids thing, men who immediately want to know how many kids you have, their gender and ages before they've even asked what you do for a job or your hobbies. Creepy.

Thank you all for the welcome ☺️

I have just realised that I did not mention that I am a bloke, and to be honest this is part of what makes the whole enterprise so terrifying. There are seemingly so many social conventions and expectations that I just have no idea how to navigate.

I'm all too aware that it is anxiety and a fear of rejection that hold me back, and that the answer is just to start.

Also feeling mildly guilty as I have nothing at all to contribute to the thread, though as I have swiped left all the way to the bottom of bumble for over 60miles I can offer up at least two instances of "only pics of kids" in the profile, and a couple of "woman with fish"

Welcome @StarryUnicorn

There are many here who will be able to advise and help you.
They have been a great help to me, it's very useful to 'think out loud' on here 😀

Starry hello - You would think that the women with fish would match with men with fish ...

Oyez! Oyez!
Yours truly has a date with Mr Games
F* know what you do on dates - haven't been on a 'real' one for over 30 years!!!