Dating thread 153- The adventures of... [Title edited at OP's request]

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you mythologies

@StealthNinjaMum

It's about the same for me too. Thank you for your advice. It's all so new. Eeek.

Back on bumble tonight and already I'm meeting a guy for coffee tomorrow night.

Ha FU Mr Stalker.

@StealthNinjaMum Well, that made me smile, thank-you :)

I have grown a beard before, but it makes me look like a biker someone from Duck Dynasty really fucking scary about 10 years older. To be fair I never managed the art of good beard husbandry. It used to be ginger (now with added grey), too, despite what's left of my head hair being natural blond. I will give it some thought though. Might be worth having a few pics with beard, to show that I am flexible. Thank-you again :)

@MrDrummer ha ha I'd never heard of Duck Dynasty so googled. That would not be a good look but as i'm mid 40s premenopausal that could be me in 5 years Go on give a beard a try for the thread.

@StealthNinjaMum

Go on give a beard a try for the thread.

Ha, ha, I need to take one for the team, do I? When us blokes have our profiles reviewed, are they getting passed around behind the scenes for the female viewing pleasure????

I ought to say that Duck Dynasty is an ace look... just not for OLD purposes!

Jumping on the thread. I'm a bit of a long term lurker. Need some hand holding as a bit bruised from my first experience of OLD.

Went on Bumble. Have never done OLD before. To keep it short. I allowed myself to become attached to someone was clearly unsuitable and unavailable. Cut him off, but then allowed him back. I guess after having been single for so long, I felt flattered to be pursued and to get attention.

Now he has (I think) ghosted me and I feel ashamed, stupid, humiliated and an idiot! For allowing myself to be vulnerable when all the signs were there that he was a fuckboy.

I let my guard down

It will be okay but feel like a total idiot.

@MrDrummer

When us blokes have our profiles reviewed, are they getting passed around behind the scenes for the female viewing pleasure????

No I've never seen one I thought you were offering to share! I meant in an experimental sense. Given that HairyArsedMan has added his height to his profile, you can add a beard, and see if it increases your success. I'm just being helpful .

@Deadsouls

I feel ashamed, stupid, humiliated and an idiot!
It is perfectly understandable to have those feelings and you need to be kind to yourself about having them. (I bet) Everybody here has let their guard down at some point, especially first time around and it sucks and it hurts. Please go easy on yourself :)

Deadsouls There is no need for you to feel like an idiot just because you had a bad first experience. There are some absolute tossers out there who take advantage of someone who's vulnerable. I'm still a newbie myself but there are some amazing people on this thread who spot red flags from a mile away. Please stay and they'll give you much better advice than I can.

@StealthNinjaMum I figured what you meant, afterwards, i.e. report back success or otherwise. I can't remember who's seen my profile to be honest. Probably had more views from here than anywhere else!

Thanks again! :)

Mrdrummer

Thank you for the kind words. Yes I was pretty certain that most ppl on here have probably had some variation of this experience.

Yeah, it's okay. It hurts but I've survived worse and it helps me get experience of what I do or don't want.

Yes i will try to have some compassion for myself and vitally get some perspective. It's a blip.

stealthninjamum

Thank you. Yup I will stick around. I thought I was quite good at red flag spotting!

This was one of those who pursues and pursues and pursues, and then when you say, 'okay then', and then let yourself get a bit vulnerable, then becomes completely flaky and starts stringing along.

Thanks stealth
Well done you life!

@Deadsouls it's not nice at all and it's so easy to get caught up. Just blocked a guy myself thanks to help of everyone on here. Or else I would have kept going back.

I'm just starting to learn that whilst we might let our guard down and get a bit attached. The chances are they are still looking and someone else will catch their eye for a bit. Then they often try and and come back.

Best to block, so they know you won't tolerate it any longer and get back swiping to build up your confidence a bit more. It can help when you get matches etc.

💕

Oh! Another guy asked me to send a topless selfie smiling in the mirror!

Obviously I did not, thank God. I mean wtf!

lifegoes

That's it, I sort of realised that whilst in my head I had kind of got attached a bit to him, he was probably getting bored, and pursuing someone else. Then coming back, probably to see if I would still respond.

Had anyone else had any (ahem) strange requests?

I haven't really had any strange requests - just guys wanting my phone number without any messages first and a couple of innuendoes based on something I naively put in my profile. One guy wanted to video call me and as it was after midnight on a Saturday night I assumed he was drunk and wanted it to get sexy so I blocked him.

I got a bum photo sent to me without warning. It was a nice bum though 🙈😂.

And yay lifegoes to have another date arranged! Quick work!

I have an undisclosed beard. Not because of the thread beard fetish  but because I was ill and couldn't be bothered shaving. @StealthNinjaMum Despite the height on Tinder, I am still to generate a match there through selective swiping. PoF profile still needs to be scrapped, renamed and edited. 1 view since Thursday. Tough crowd - I may have to go nuclear and launch the beard.

My date last night was a bit disappointing. He'd been quite funny in his messages but in person he was quite serious.
Not sure if it was nerves or what, but he talked a lot about himself and hardly asked me anything. He also gave me the impression that I wasn't what he was expecting.

I would meet him again to see if a second date was better. I haven't heard from him since last night so not sure whether to leave it and see if he gets in touch. Or send a 'it was nice to meet you' text and see what happens.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I would wait & see. 😀