"Joke" on pregnant woman by fiancé

[yetanotherparanoidnamechange]

NC as potentially outing.

Would you find this "joke" funny?

Woman working full time as a nurse on a busy ward is 15 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage earlier in the year and has suffered bleeding and several scares in this pregnancy. SPD, dreadful morning all day sickness and struggling to eat so lost over 14lbs. Just before discovered pregnant had severe gastritis and was treated with IV medication in hospital for a week. Is exhausted, stressed as had to have lots of time off and is really struggling. First child.

After a disagreement over something trivial (shampoo) finance changes every single clock in the house so that she turns up to her afternoon and evening shift an hour early. He had already left for work that morning.

She doesn't find it funny but he thinks it hilarious as do her work mates.

What a total twat!

If she has any sense at all, she will get rid of him even though she is pregnant, and probably feels she relies on him.

This is the most puerile and destructive "joke" I've ever come across.

He's a total arsehole!

I would either have been incandescent with rage or more likely sobbed with fatigue.
It is all sorts of wrong. Can he not see how exhausted she is ? Why doesn't he care ? laughing at her with his mates means she can't even tear a strip off him without them laughing more.
I would not marry this little piece of shit, I would not put his name on the Birth Certificate & I would make active moves to find alternative accommodation, or kick him out, even better.
See who has the last laugh, sick Fuck

That's not a joke, that's cruel.

immature, not funny by a mile.

I'd be crestfallen that someone who claimed to love me did that and found it funny.

I'd also be fucking fuming.

What a controlling, abusive shit.

Very unfunny. He is cruel, I would look at him in a whole new light.

If this is your partner, believe him when he shows you who he is.

He is vindictive and abusive. He is showing you that if you dare to defy him, he will punish you - and he can't even blame a quick temper, because he planned and carried out his punishment meticulously.

The most frightening element of this for me is that he is absolutely willing to put your health at risk while you are pregnant with his child. In your shoes, I would start to be very, very careful in case he escalates this while you're pregnant and vulnerable. Have a chat with your midwife- it might be worth getting a concern marker put on your notes.

Yes, what everyone else has said. Gaslighting, narcissistic - I would be concerned about this escalating, losing perspective - and everyone else being manipulated to see the woman as the problem (I have at least three decades of experience of this with my mother, who routinely used to destroy my possessions).

But - on that note - are we sure that the straighteners are destroyed? Can she not get another plug, cut the sheathing and rewire it in? You don't need the original moulded one. Obviously this depends on how much cable he's left: if he's cut it up the appliance end, then he really is a torturing bastard.

I bet there’s a list of similar incidents. I wouldn’t stay with a person like this.

As many have already said its cruel and abusive. Not only that, it will have wrecked her trust because she will no longer think of him as someone who has her back, but as someone who can spring cruel spiteful surprises on her. That must be quite isolating.
Also.. . Her colleagues know her recent struggles presumably. Why on earth did they find this amusing under the circumstances? unless they were laughing from embarrassment on their own part and on OP's friend's part, and chosing to relate to it as a joke which could be quickly glossed over and moved on from, because publically relating to it as abusive may have made the OP's friend feel even worse. Maybe they didn't know the whole story and OP's friend didn't want to tell them.

Have my first:

LTB and don't look back.

There are some bloody lovely, caring men out there. You don't have to be with one who isn't.

I agree with those who say there will have been other incidents, things that could be written off as "misunderstandings" or "he was stressed" or "GF is oversensitive".

Someone this mean and manipulative will be showing it all the time in small ways.

It's all been said. Get out.

Are you the woman in the story? And your workmates thought it was funny? It's really nasty, as is cutting the cord of your straighteners

It is not a joke because it was done deliberately in spite over the disagreement.

Hopefully the woman can see this as a wake up call that he is an arse and start making plans to get the hell away from here.

Scarily horrible behavior.

Pregnancy is often when domestic abuse starts.

As others have said, that's not a joke, that is a punishment. It is unkind and mean and as it wasn't found funny by the person on whom the "joke" was played, it isn't a joke!

If there are other areas for concern with this fiance, which it sounds as though there may be, I'd be seeing the plug removal and "joke" as massive red flags. If he is normally an absolute gent, who takes amazing care of his fiancee and is kind and thoughtful and considerate, then it would be a cause for concern but not a relationship breaker.

What an absolute bastard! Neither of those things are funny. They’re designed to punish!!

Having a baby/toddler is really exhausting and hard work. They push your buttons when you’re already exhausted. I’d be worried about this cretin escalating his abuse when he’s irritated. Please consider leaving. He isn’t nice or trustworthy

Thank you for all the comments. You've all helped more than you could know and are all right in what you are saying. I can't add more as would be outing. Thank you again x

spiteful man. Hope he never becomes her husband.

I'm normally one to scoff at the Mumsnet go-to of "he's abusive!" in literally any situation...but he genuinely is abusive.

This is worrying and I'm really concerned that this behaviour will continue when the baby is born and he could be putting his partner and child at risk. Or when the child is older they get 'jokes' played on them which could be very upsetting or at they see their father treating their mother like this and think this is acceptable behaviour?

OP

What a horrible man. Plain nasty.