"Joke" on pregnant woman by fiancé

[yetanotherparanoidnamechange]

NC as potentially outing.

Would you find this "joke" funny?

Woman working full time as a nurse on a busy ward is 15 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage earlier in the year and has suffered bleeding and several scares in this pregnancy. SPD, dreadful morning all day sickness and struggling to eat so lost over 14lbs. Just before discovered pregnant had severe gastritis and was treated with IV medication in hospital for a week. Is exhausted, stressed as had to have lots of time off and is really struggling. First child.

After a disagreement over something trivial (shampoo) finance changes every single clock in the house so that she turns up to her afternoon and evening shift an hour early. He had already left for work that morning.

She doesn't find it funny but he thinks it hilarious as do her work mates.

Nor me, @HeathRobinson. A kick in the balls might happen, though, followed by changed locks.

Are you the pg women in this scenario? Is it a friend? Either way, the "fiance" is an abusive, spiteful asshat who clearly did this in revenge for the argument. It's not a joke at all. The women needs to realise this man does not respect or support her, & clearly intended to add to her suffering on that day. SPD is a bitch, as is "morning" sickness (mine was 24/7 too). The man knew what he was doing...

There is no way on this earth I'd stay in this relationship - and neither would I want their child. They are not parent material.
Horrible.

Is this for real? I honestly can't stop laughing its so stupid, if he kept burning his ears etc with the straighteners so what i would have let him carry on, as for arriving an hour early for work i would have laughed along side them, then went for a cuppa, honestly my sides are so sore with laughing

That's horrible.

I did it once to DP as an April Fool. He said I could do whatever I liked as long as I didn't make him late for work.... He found out when he got to the train station and saw the station clock. And yes he found it very funny as I knew he would.

To do it a person who is sick and struggling and needs to rest is another thing entirely. That is just cruel.

I bet he didn't tell his colleagues about the straighteners. Spiteful bastard. If this is your partner, OP, please don't marry him.

My ex would’ve thought something like this was funny too.

Get rid op.

What a cock he is.

She objected because every time he used them he burnt himself.

Well I'm not sure why she objected to him burning himself - unless he was leaving strips of burnt flesh stuck to the plates - it just serves him right doesn't it?

But what sort of bloke regularly uses hair straighteners?

he uses her hair straighteners to send her a message that her property belongs to him and he can do whatever he likes with it, when she does not defer to him on this issue but instead tries to assert her right over her own possessions he punishes her by destroying the possession

the underlying message is that he owns her and if she does not defer to him he will punish, humiliate and destroy as he sees fit

The straighteners thing makes it even worse. He destroyed her property as punishment for telling him not to use it! That's abusive as fuck! The thinking underpinning it is really, really arrogant and dysfunctional. And then he ALSO punished her with the work thing!

He's vindictive, entitled, and manipulative. She should run run run. If she is actually you, get out get out get out. If she is truly your friend, tell her to run like hell and on no account to go ahead with the wedding.

Sadly, he will probably use the baby to abuse her further when it is born.

Do his family also think it funny that he cut the plug off her straighteners?

I would be very. very cautious of this man.

Horrible, nasty man. He will get worse!

Four pages in and there is pretty much a consensus here, OP.

To add, I agree with others - this feels like a punishment.

They're supposed to be equals, but he feels he can punish her for her behaviour? Not so funny really.

making her late for work is also a way of owning her possessions, it's a way of saying your time belongs to me and I can waste it for you if I want to

Of course all of this is subtext and open to interpretation, you only see the full picture when you put together all these ostensibly insignificant incidents

Early for work not late for work

Nope. Not funny.

It is the behaviour of a nasty and vindictive little man. Even more shitty because of what she has gone through.

I might have found the clock thing funny when I was 12. If someone robbed me of an hour of rest now I'd not be amused.

I hope she leaves too.

He manipulates the situation so that the work colleagues only know about the early for work practical joke, they won't see all the other 'little' things and she will feel as if they are too trivial to mention, she will feel as if she's making a fuss about nothing whilst at the same time feeling very confused and upset because her gut instinct, her unconscious mind, knows that this is not right

It’s abusive, vindictive behaviour that will escalate now that he finds himself so funny.

Oh and let me guess - when called out, he strops and says you have no sense of humour?

I would get out ASAP. He can’t see that he’s wrong and if his family all find it funny too, then this kind of behaviour is deeply entrenched.

I don’t think it really matter what his family think.

My IL thought it really funny I feel/slipped down the stairs while pg with my first – I was exhausted due to early pg and house move.

DH has sympathy then concerned when I started spotting and had to see GP. It was other people’s concern for me that got through to them it wasn’t funny. I’ve no idea why they thought it funny pg or not certainly when one of them did it on stairs they’ve owned for decades it wasn’t.

I think she should be worried this behavior has started in pg - certainly Dsis ex abusive behavior started then and it's very common.

This woman is very tired she needs as much rest and relaxation as possible, making her look ridiculous in front of my work colleagues means that there is no safe haven for her

If it's you, leave.

If it's a friend, tell her you'll give her space and support if she leaves.

He sounds utterly vile. Cutting the plug off her straighteners? Making her look silly in front of colleagues as a 'joke?'

She needs to get away from this arsehole. I wouldn't be surprised if these two incidents aren't the only things and it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Going through child rearing with someone like this would be a nightmare. It's difficult enough at times even with a good partner. I wouldn't put myself through it.