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Original poster

"Joke" on pregnant woman by fiancé

165 replies

yetanotherparanoidnamechange · 04/04/2019 13:01

NC as potentially outing.

Would you find this "joke" funny?

Woman working full time as a nurse on a busy ward is 15 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage earlier in the year and has suffered bleeding and several scares in this pregnancy. SPD, dreadful morning all day sickness and struggling to eat so lost over 14lbs. Just before discovered pregnant had severe gastritis and was treated with IV medication in hospital for a week. Is exhausted, stressed as had to have lots of time off and is really struggling. First child.

After a disagreement over something trivial (shampoo) finance changes every single clock in the house so that she turns up to her afternoon and evening shift an hour early. He had already left for work that morning.

She doesn't find it funny but he thinks it hilarious as do her work mates.

OP posts:
Tighnabruaich · 04/04/2019 13:35

Nasty, immature, vile piece of work. I could not live with a man like that. He sounds horrible

Kko1986 · 04/04/2019 13:35

Did he do it on April fools?
How soon after the disagreement?

If she wasn't pregnant yes it could be seen as a funny joke but as she is pregnant every min resting is a blessing.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/04/2019 13:36

So he cut off the plug so she couldn't use them either and changed ALL the clocks, including her phone clock, tv, kitchen, everything.

That is not a joke. That is really shitty passive aggressive behaviour. Can totally understand why people are calling him abusive.

Tell him to replace your straighteners, and also buy his own set and let the stupid sod burn himself as much as he likes.

Feb2018mumma · 04/04/2019 13:36

This sounds scary, cutting her straighteners so she can't use them and changing the clocks when she's already ill!

AcrossthePond55 · 04/04/2019 13:38

I hate 'practical' jokes. They're invariably NOT funny to most victims. But this man's behaviour crossed over into abuse. Retaliating after an argument? Destroying property? Wrong-footing their victim? All abusive behaviours. And saying 'it's just a joke' is gaslighting.

No. Just no. Get out whilst you can.

StoppinBy · 04/04/2019 13:38

Under normal circumstances, yes I admit I would find it funny. Doing it to a pregnant, exhausted and ill person, that is just shit. Doing it after a disagreement is not a joke, it is being an asshole to the highest degree.

lottiegarbanzo · 04/04/2019 13:40

I can see that the clock thing could be a funny prank - among people who enjoy doing practical jokes on each other. I cannot see how it could work, given phones, radio etc.

The cord-cutting is destructive, nasty and threatening.

Hearhere · 04/04/2019 13:41

He is a sadistic piece of shit

Carrotgirl87 · 04/04/2019 13:41

My first thought too @colehawlins, seems ironic given the timing of the clocks getting changed, sure it wasn't a misunderstanding, I.e he didn't realise they auto changed and therefore did it again by mistake? Just seems weird timing to me xxx

StoppinBy · 04/04/2019 13:41

Also in no way do I think it's a joke to cut the electrical cord on the straightener, what an A- Hole!

BaronessBomburst · 04/04/2019 13:41

I hope she leaves him.

NotAChanceOfQuiet · 04/04/2019 13:42

Well, I would advise the woman NOT to marry the "D"P, for one.
Presumably it's his baby, so by being a twat, he's adversely affected his child by causing stress to the mother.
He sounds like a real prize. If she is not willing to leave him, at least she should not marry to make it easier to leave him in the future.

AuntieStella · 04/04/2019 13:42

It's the sort of puerile humour that should be left behind pronto (roughly after Freshers Week) Because although making someone early is preferable to making someone late, it's still a shit thing to do (during the weeks my PGs were at their toughest it's would have been a close call whether I'd be incandescent or in floods, or both)

Cutting plug off the straighteners is spiteful and nasty.

Don't they say that abuse quite often first emerges during pregnancy or new parenthood? I'd be quite worried. Not just because of what he's done, but because he's also managed to remove from her RL all the people who see this as appalling.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/04/2019 13:42

It's not a joke, it's punishment for daring to disagree with him. I bet it's not the first time he's done something like that, retaliation disguised as a joke. Eventually, probably when the woman is perceived as being most vulnerable, with a new born or after the wedding, he will stop pretending it's a joke and just dish out the punishment/abuse regularly.

HeathRobinson · 04/04/2019 13:42

What a twat. And ruined her straighteners.

AnneOfCleanTables · 04/04/2019 13:43

If his family all knew the context and still thought it was funny then he's been brought up in a family that accepts abusive relationships. There's no way to make this better.

happilyevernever · 04/04/2019 13:43

This isn’t a joke, and even if it was, it wouldn’t be funny. I hope she leaves him, this is a suite behaviour, and his family and friends are condoning that

Hearhere · 04/04/2019 13:43

Destroying someone's property is alarming, what will he do when he escalates, attacking her possessions is a precursor to attacking her physical self
Her being ill and pregnant and vulnerable has triggered his predatory urges, this is a very bad sign

NotAChanceOfQuiet · 04/04/2019 13:43

If she wasn't pregnant yes it could be seen as a funny joke
Not even then. It's just stupid and childish.

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 04/04/2019 13:44

She objected because every time he used them he burnt himself. So he cut off the plug so she couldn't use them either

The most important part of this story is he cut off the plug. Set against that background, the clock thing is doubly not funny. It's an abusive pattern of behaviour.

On it's own, if you said to someone that you changed all the clocks to get someone to go to work an hour early, they might think it was a clever April Fool. It's not particularly "funny" but it's clever if you pull it off as a fool.

BUT, if you add into that scenario a tired mother of a young child with a stressful job, it's not clever or funny.

AND THEN if you add in the miscarriage contextual background it's abusive.

AND ON TOP OF THAT, the cutting off the plug, this is abusive because it's nasty relation.

The work colleagues are probably only seeing this through the perspective of the first bit - without more, it's a bit of a tricksy dickhead thing to do but would pass as an April Fool. That's not this scenario at all though.

This woman needs to leave this relationship sooner rather than later

lottiegarbanzo · 04/04/2019 13:44

I really do think this is in LTB territory, unless he's very, very sorry and actively repentent. Even then, tread carefully and be ready to go next time.

Why would you want to live with someone who thinks he has a right to punish you for not doing what he wants?

HeathRobinson · 04/04/2019 13:44

If this had happened to me, the wedding would never happen.

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 04/04/2019 13:44

*it's nasty retaliation that should say

Hearhere · 04/04/2019 13:44

Yes absolutely it is a punishment designed to humiliate and devalue her

AnneOfCleanTables · 04/04/2019 13:45

So his family thought it was funny. What did her friends and family think?

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